Eating Disorders Forum - Adderall/anorexia

I just signed up to this forum and I saw a few discussions on the topic but they were somewhat outdated. I'm currently 19 years old and in the end of my second year of college. I've struggled all my life with anxiety and manic depression, and was lucky enough to become somewhat stable with the help of medication and a psychologist. I've been seeing my therapist for almost 4 years now and the progress I have made, though gradual, has been tremendous. I can't imagine where I would be today without those things. Everyday is still a new challenge though, and happiness, unbeknownst to those who lack information/experience, doesn't come in the form of a pill. However, i've adapted to my struggles, and I consider myself physical proof that therapy accompanied with hard work and possibly mood stabilizers can provide for some significant results.
Anyways, the reason i'm posting is about adderall. When I first began the medication around 14, I don't remember how much I was taking but I do know that I hadn't yet been treated properly for my depression. I absolutely hated adderall because it made me more depressed than ever; I was literally suicidal. Since then I stopped taking it, and after experience and years I have now understood how it became the downfall of my mother's wellbeing - the paranoia, amphetamine-induced psychosis, hallucinations, etc. So obviously the drug overall was something I thought i'd never touch again.
I started using again just out of curiousity - well to be frank, it was more so out of the growing depression I was falling back into. After several months and getting in touch with the same psychiatrist that still perscribes my mother with the very medication to which she is addicted to, I found an easy access to my secret vice.
I started taking regular doses in december of 2006. I started at 30mg a day, and now, in march, I am on 100 mg a day, perscribed to take two 25 mg doses twice a day. The number seems astounding, but the tolerance one develops to amphetamines not only varies from person to person, but is ultimately inevitable. To me, 100 mg seems to be a functionable dose- for now at least. Anyways, aside from other side effects, the one most noticeable to everyone is the weight loss. I was a healthy 130 pound girl of average stature, and now, some 3 months after consistent use, I stand at 5'6" and weigh a mere 120 pounds. I haven't weighed that since before high school! It doesn't seem like such a dramatic jump but the reason I weighed 130 was because of muscle and other "god-given attributes", and people always guessed that I was about 120 and were shocked to hear otherwise. Now, I weigh 120 with some muscle mass still, but i'm told by some that I look like I weigh less. It's a big red flag when I see my parents, who never paid much attention to me before, notice the weight loss and almost appear concerned. And even though I agree with them, part of me can't stop. I like being skinny again and even if a couple friends look a little worried, I've gotten nothing but compliments by guys. I find myself avoiding eating in fear of that side effect to disappear. I've never been a really insecure person and I was always content with my appearance, but recently I've gone back to questioning myself. i get teased a lot by friends, both guys and girls for have a much more masculine mentality than most girls. i have always related better with men and enjoy their company more, most likely because i grew up without security or stability and was left raising myself. so i find myself seeking this security in men, not in an unhealthy way though, just by befriending them and hanging out with them more. The idea of being skinny can be equated to being feminine, something that i have never really been. It doesn't bother me and I wouldn't change a thing about my personality, but at the same time my masculine qualities coupled with my depression and loneliness puts up this invisible shell around me. Ive reasoned that my sarcasm and lack of showing emotion can be intimidating to both genders. i cant decide now which is more hurtful: that i have put up boundaries that only furthe isolate me, or that what strengthens those boundaries is the fact that no one has yet to show interesting in breaking them down. i guess i have this notion that fitting the ideal image of beauty will make people less intimidated by me. Even when i'm hungry, I try not to eat, and when I do, I have to go over everything i've already eaten that day so that I can justify my reasons for eating the meal in front of me. Afterwards, I always feel guilty. I've never been a very vain person who cared too much about appearance, because if I was I wouldn't need a medication to introduce me to the act of starvation. I wasn't perfect, but I didn't care enough to change my diet or lifestyle to do anything about it. Now that the solution has been placed in my hands, i'm worried I might get carried away. Afterall, i'm not exactly the least likely person to wander down the road of addiction, as I have already done so before... Can anyone report an experience of cases of anorexia developing from adderall?
Otherwise I love what adderall does for me. Never have I been so motivated to do well in school and fullfill the potential that otherwise I usually am too lazy, or just plain sad to explore. I've been able to practice enough with it so that I know exactly the times to take it so that I still fall asleep at night, which I think can be the most detramental side effect of them all. I guess my objective here, other than venting, is to communicate with others who share similar experiences and hear about their own opinions or even personal endeavors. So now that i'm out of breath....Any thoughts?