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Q: Adderall/anorexia
asked by: nsantora36 on March 14th, 2007
New User
I just signed up to this forum and I saw a few discussions on the topic but they were somewhat outdated. I'm currently 19 years old and in the end of my second year of college. I've struggled all my life with anxiety and manic depression, and was lucky enough to become somewhat stable with the help of medication and a psychologist. I've been seeing my therapist for almost 4 years now and the progress I have made, though gradual, has been tremendous. I can't imagine where I would be today without those things. Everyday is still a new challenge though, and happiness, unbeknownst to those who lack information/experience, doesn't come in the form of a pill. However, i've adapted to my struggles, and I consider myself physical proof that therapy accompanied with hard work and possibly mood stabilizers can provide for some significant results.
Anyways, the reason i'm posting is about adderall. When I first began the medication around 14, I don't remember how much I was taking but I do know that I hadn't yet been treated properly for my depression. I absolutely hated adderall because it made me more depressed than ever; I was literally suicidal. Since then I stopped taking it, and after experience and years I have now understood how it became the downfall of my mother's wellbeing - the paranoia, amphetamine-induced psychosis, hallucinations, etc. So obviously the drug overall was something I thought i'd never touch again.
I started using again just out of curiousity - well to be frank, it was more so out of the growing depression I was falling back into. After several months and getting in touch with the same psychiatrist that still perscribes my mother with the very medication to which she is addicted to, I found an easy access to my secret vice.
I started taking regular doses in december of 2006. I started at 30mg a day, and now, in march, I am on 100 mg a day, perscribed to take two 25 mg doses twice a day. The number seems astounding, but the tolerance one develops to amphetamines not only varies from person to person, but is ultimately inevitable. To me, 100 mg seems to be a functionable dose- for now at least. Anyways, aside from other side effects, the one most noticeable to everyone is the weight loss. I was a healthy 130 pound girl of average stature, and now, some 3 months after consistent use, I stand at 5'6" and weigh a mere 120 pounds. I haven't weighed that since before high school! It doesn't seem like such a dramatic jump but the reason I weighed 130 was because of muscle and other "god-given attributes", and people always guessed that I was about 120 and were shocked to hear otherwise. Now, I weigh 120 with some muscle mass still, but i'm told by some that I look like I weigh less. It's a big red flag when I see my parents, who never paid much attention to me before, notice the weight loss and almost appear concerned. And even though I agree with them, part of me can't stop. I like being skinny again and even if a couple friends look a little worried, I've gotten nothing but compliments by guys. I find myself avoiding eating in fear of that side effect to disappear. I've never been a really insecure person and I was always content with my appearance, but recently I've gone back to questioning myself. i get teased a lot by friends, both guys and girls for have a much more masculine mentality than most girls. i have always related better with men and enjoy their company more, most likely because i grew up without security or stability and was left raising myself. so i find myself seeking this security in men, not in an unhealthy way though, just by befriending them and hanging out with them more. The idea of being skinny can be equated to being feminine, something that i have never really been. It doesn't bother me and I wouldn't change a thing about my personality, but at the same time my masculine qualities coupled with my depression and loneliness puts up this invisible shell around me. Ive reasoned that my sarcasm and lack of showing emotion can be intimidating to both genders. i cant decide now which is more hurtful: that i have put up boundaries that only furthe isolate me, or that what strengthens those boundaries is the fact that no one has yet to show interesting in breaking them down. i guess i have this notion that fitting the ideal image of beauty will make people less intimidated by me. Even when i'm hungry, I try not to eat, and when I do, I have to go over everything i've already eaten that day so that I can justify my reasons for eating the meal in front of me. Afterwards, I always feel guilty. I've never been a very vain person who cared too much about appearance, because if I was I wouldn't need a medication to introduce me to the act of starvation. I wasn't perfect, but I didn't care enough to change my diet or lifestyle to do anything about it. Now that the solution has been placed in my hands, i'm worried I might get carried away. Afterall, i'm not exactly the least likely person to wander down the road of addiction, as I have already done so before... Can anyone report an experience of cases of anorexia developing from adderall?
Otherwise I love what adderall does for me. Never have I been so motivated to do well in school and fullfill the potential that otherwise I usually am too lazy, or just plain sad to explore. I've been able to practice enough with it so that I know exactly the times to take it so that I still fall asleep at night, which I think can be the most detramental side effect of them all. I guess my objective here, other than venting, is to communicate with others who share similar experiences and hear about their own opinions or even personal endeavors. So now that i'm out of breath....Any thoughts?
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Catt101
replied on March 14th, 2007
Experienced User
wow that pretty much me and advil well for the dose amount its 6 pills to get the effect needed

"boundaries is the fact that no one has yet to show interesting in breaking them down" i feel you, i think alot of people put up shields, and wait for that one person that can actually get through, for me hasnt happened yet, but ive turned into a very fake person in front of my friends and family

" wouldn't change a thing about my personality" you shouldnt have to change it Smile ur perfect just being you

well i just looked up adderall because i couldnt remember what it was lol, but yah it says in kids weight lose and lose of appetite is a side effect but maybe due to the amount ur taking is causing that weight lose and appetite to double
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SERS
replied on February 28th, 2009
New User
In college I too was addicted to Adderall. That drug made me a shell of a person and totally took away what little joy I could feel before taking it (I too have struggled with depression for years). It took me years but I'm finally off of Addy. Withdraw was hell but I actually feel like a semi normal person now. Please try getting off of Adderall.

When I took Adderall one of the main motivations for taking it was weight loss. At 5'7" I weighed 117 pounds while taking it. Now that I'm off of it I can actually exercise without having a heart attack and now I weigh 107.
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AmiH25
replied on March 30th, 2009
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Not myself!
When I started Adderall almost 4 years ago, I loved how awsome it made me feel! I was the fastest and most efficient/productive worker when I managed two subway restaurants, while going to college and being a mom! I was 20 or 21 when I really got into it, and it was so good to me for a few years! I thought so anyway, I guess I could have been something different to others! My family thought I could be on meth, which I don't decline if it's in my presence,but that was not my problem! Meth was a twice a year thing, Adderall was an everyday thing! Anyways, I can see why they felt that way since it is an amphetamine and it does give you similar effects as well as cause appetite loss! I now don't feel the same about how it makes me feel. I am lethargic and lazy without it, and I get zombied out when I'm on it! I won't eat anything for 5 days and wonder why my stomach hurts! I only get about 4 hours of sleep every week maybe a few hours more but I literlly cannot seem to get myself to go to bed even when I have to go a few days without! I think they have made a long term effect on me and my ability to sleep and eat normally even without them! I gain and lose 10 pounds every other week, and I am disgusted when I start seeing it go up again on my off days! When I'm on them and I don't eat, I feel so thin and I weigh myself constantly just to see if maybe I dropped another pound that day! Anyways, I want to stop all this madness and move forward with my life but right now I feel to lonely and depressed to even get motivated!
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JustKeepSmiling
replied on April 16th, 2009
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fellow addy-junkie
haha, I adore adderall for just the purpose of weight loss & energy. it actually is one of the only things which pulls me from my depression. I haven't tried to get it prescribed though because I'm already prescribed ambien, zoloft, and wellbutrin Razz I'm 5'6" and 103lbs, and I'd be stoked to get my hands on some more addy to lose those extras and get back to double digits.

unfortunately buying addy illegally is hard and expensive, so its been a while. and your tolerance does increase crazy fast! I also abuse caffeine pretty bad, so the combination of both is probably pretty dumb.
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