aryeani
i know exactly what you're going through. pain caused by those we thought we could trust is disappointing enough, but when those who hurt us are blood, the disappointment experienced is on a completely different level. i was never physically abused, but my brother molested me for 5 years. as if that wasn't enough, after finally confessing to my parents a year into the abuse i found no solace. my dad had a talk with him and that was that. when he broke through the lock, my dad changed it without saying a word. after the 3rd time of breaking the lock into my room my dad just let it go, and today he still claims that he was under the impression that the abuse from my brother was only a single incident. no one told me it was okay or that i had a right to be upset, so eventually i blocked it out of my mind and didnt tell a soul, both out of the shame and embarrassment as well as being convinced that i was overreacting and what he did to me was normal. my brothers betrayal coupled with that of my apathetic parents will forever affect me in so many aspects of my life.
this event in my life was one of many that lead to my worsening depression, for which i finally received proper treatment when i was about 16. i started on prozac, which was an immense help to my mental stability, and i also started seeing a therapist. ive now been seeing her for about 4 years and the insight and perspective she has given me has been amazingly helpful in my life. i dont know where i would be today if it werent for my treatment. i struggle with depression every day; it is never something that is cured or that just goes away. but facing each battle every day would have been impossible had i not gone through treatment.
in your case, it seems that your chemical imbalance has been induced by traumatic life experiences, as most imbalances are. my advice as someone whos been in your shoes is to seek therapy first and foremost. but be patient - not only can it be difficult to find the right one for you, but therapy itself is a gradual process. its imperative, especially in the beginning months of treatment, to see your therapist on a regular basis, like maybe once a week or twice if necessary. for me once a week was enough, and now because of college i only go when i need to. therapy is hard work, especially if you arent used to delving into certain topics or memories that you have kept locked up for so long. gradually you will begin to realize things about yourself, or your past, or those around you in your life that you never realized before. its a challenge, but in the end its so worth it. then after the beginning months of your therapy, your psychologist will most likely decide that seeing a psychiatrist might be in your best interest. the psychiatrist will talk to you about some stuff, but not as specifically as your psychologist, and then will start you out on some medication he believes might be beneficial. this itself is a gradual process as well - some are lucky and the first thing they are perscribed happens to be exactly what works for them. others keep trying different types of mood stabilizers until they start to notice a difference.
again, patience is key. depression is a neverending disease that only worsens the longer it goes untreated. i was always told to think of it like diabetes - diabetics everyday struggle to maintain their blood sugar levels so that they can function. it never goes away or is cured, but with practice and experience it becomes easier to deal with. you wouldnt think of diabetics as "weak" because they have to take certain measures to survive, just as people who have depression or other mental illnesses are not weak for doing what they have to do to survive. its when you refuse to do anything about your depression that makes you "weak", because in the end you're only hurting yourself.
if you have any questions or would like some more info on doctors and treatments and such, send me a message. hope i could help, and above all take care of yourself - because in the end, as your father has already proved, no one else can be trusted to.
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