Postpartum and Postnatal Forum - So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.

Pregnancy Forum > Postpartum and Postnatal Forum > So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.

Q: So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.

asked by: Sunflower_pie81 on March 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I am feeling so down right now. I hate feeling like this. I feel like I am not good enough and that I can't be a mother. I hate my after baby body, my sudden weight gain, and just being lonely. What is this all about? I know that I have a beautiful baby girl and wonderful place to live and I should be happy that I am working, but i just feel like i am not good enough for my daughter, my job, and not good enough to find someone who is going to love me for me. Brandon just kind of used me...I almost feel like I was trash for leaving him but now that I did I found out how he treated me.

I am so depressed, I feel like crying all the time. I don't, because solders don’t cry. They are strong. I really miss Shawn. I miss him so much. I just wish he were here with me experiencing everything that I am experiencing with Melia. It’s just not fair that I have to go through this alone, I didn’t clime on myself and become pregnant. I know that he didn’t like just walk away from me, but I can’t help but wish he were here for me and his little one. I loved him so much. I feel alone, so alone.

I hate feeling like this. I can’t sleep; I am eating like a pig. I just want to drown in my bath and never come out. No, I don’t want to kill myself. I just feel so blah I guess.

Sorry for the downer…but thanks for listening.

Replies(18)

Sandbox Party

replied on March 13th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

call me.

candita_sky

replied on March 13th, 2007

Advanced Support Team

aw hun im so sorry that you are feeling this way.every one feels this way afteer a new baby especially about there body im there with you on that one. but you also went thru a lot oh he%l in your pregnancy with loosing the love of your life....did you ever consider getting so sort of therepy to deal with the greif? if not you might want to i wish i could help take away the pain that you are feeling i promise it will improve in time just remember that he left you with a preciouse gift a little peice of him...your lil melia. hang in sweety.

HcoBrunette06

replied on March 13th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

im sorry you're feeling sad gen Sad

yellow ribbon

replied on March 13th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

aw Gen im sorry Sad

youve had a rough year and you deserve to ahve your moments but u are a great mommy and amelia is so lucky to have you. i love you!!!!

Sandbox Party

replied on March 13th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Gen you are sooo strong.

But we have have weak times.

And this is yours.

Im not gunna tell you, "Hey, dont cry! It will all be allright!"

Becuase you know something?? I Dont know that.
I dont know how things are going to go for you in the future. I dont know what fate has in store for you.

But i do know that you have friends here who are willing to listen to you, and provide a shoulder to cry on along the way.

WE're here to help you thru anything that life throws at you. (and trust me, life's been known to throw some stinky poo.)

ANd we're all going to be right behind you til the end, supporting you thru thick and thin. Because thats what friends are for, and we love you.

^_^

so anytime you need to cuss and scream, pm me. Or anyone else for that matter. I love getting cussed at. ^_^ (and poked with a spoon, but we wont go there.)

Kia

replied on March 14th, 2007

Moderator

Re: So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.

Sunflower_pie81 wrote:

I really miss Shawn. I miss him so much. I just wish he were here with me experiencing everything that I am experiencing with Melia.

He is. maybe not in physical form, but he's there.

ThriftyGal

replied on March 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

seriously gen you are doing so much. i can't imagine being in your situation, you really are strong. I'm sorry you are feeling like this, i so wish i could give you a hug. You are a great mommy though, and amelia is lucky to have you! Don't doubt yourself. There are no perfect families, and there are no perfect parents, all that anyone can do is their best. and i really think you are. i hope you feel better soon pal.

michelle1981

replied on March 14th, 2007

Supporter

Oh .gen! I hate that you feel this way! I wish i could help you, but i don't know how...... except tell you that you have all the support here and we love you to death!
You are a strong woman, and it's ok to feel weak sometimes. We all do. Just know that you are an amazing person and a frickin' awesome mommy Wink

Willa Weintraub

replied on March 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Re: So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.

Sunflower_pie81 wrote:

gen,you are doing so great for you and .melia I am soooo proud of you! you are a wonderful mom and you do everything and anything you can for your little girl.she is well taken care of by her mommy! I know its hard to be alone,although I don't know how it feels to be alone with a child.I'm sorry about .brandon but at least you got out! you should be proud of yourself and proud your doing things alone and not dependant on a man.You hubby is watching over you and I bet he's always with you and your baby girl! I love you!

Sunflower_pie81

replied on March 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Thanks ladies....I am kinda feeling a little better today. I guess Shawn's birthday was last week and I was just missing him. oh and i found the bottle of 30 year old wine that was given to us on your wedding day. we were going to save it for our 10 year or the day we got divorced. lol i know that is weird...but hell we were an odd couple. so...it's been sitting on my dresser for a few days...and i have just been looking at it. I have gained like 10 lbs in three weeks...what the hell is that? oh my god.....oh and my little girl doesn't need her mama anymore. I know she does...but she is a big girl now. Sad

almost 8 months now. Shocked

i'll get over this and be myself again.

rainfire1424 wrote:

call me.

sorry baby didnt' see this till this morning...i kinda wrote this and decided to have a drink...blah.....so i wouldn't have been much of a talker. hehe. At least i slept a little better last night. that red wine helps. i love merlot.

Willa Weintraub

replied on March 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Sunflower_pie81 wrote:

almost 8 months now. Shocked

i'll get over this and be myself again.

awww .gen,she still needsher mommy,she's just exploriong new things now.Dalton was the same way but its so nice when you see then and they hold their little arms up in the air to be picked up and they hug you for the first time. . .It makes you so happy you want to cry!

Sunflower_pie81

replied on March 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I know melly, she still needs her mama when she gets tired of exploring new things. She gets sooo tired these days because she is doing so much more. OOOhhhh she is such a big girl.

I know i sound really stupid right now. I just feel so down. Embarassed

Mommy35

replied on March 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Raising kids is no easy job and your doing it alone, as well as working a full-time job!! I'm sure it's easy to get down and feel blah, but you should be giving yourself a big pat on the back.

Go buy yourself something!!! Get a manicure!!!

Your a great mom!

Eyes Wide Shut

replied on March 14th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

girl, you know you couldda called me!!!

YOu're strong. You're beautiful. ANd you've created one of the most gorgeous children on this earth. Just for that, you're an awesome person!

I'm glad you had a good sleep! Sometimes sleep is all youneed.

Know that you can call my phone whenever. I just be chillin. Alllllll day! lol!
If you need to vent...hollaaaa!!

Sarah

Sunflower_pie81

replied on March 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Thanks sarah, i am just taking deep breaths right now, trying to get thru all of this....i will bounce back...but what is with the weight gain???

oh and i did get my nails done 2 weeks ago. they look so pretty. hehe they made me feel better. i am going to have my hair done too and hooefully that will help....but we will see.....

i am going to go kiss my baby and give her her breakfast now. see yall later.

love you guys.

tigresacanela24

replied on March 14th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Gen!!! Feel better!!!

Bridget

replied on March 14th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

i'm sorry you're feeling down, gen. hang in there! we're all here for you.

you're a wonderful mother and amelia is lucky to have you!

megums1211

replied on March 14th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

Sorry you're feeling down Gen Sad

I couldn't even begin to imagine what you're going through... I wish I had something encouraging to say... but I don't, I'm drawing a blank... all I can say is I'm sorry...

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