This is probably going to be a long post so bare with me here!
Since I've gotten pregnant, I have turned into this insane worryer. My biggest thing Is my living situation. Don't get me wrong my parents are being amazing with me ...at first they weren't so accepting but now they are definately going above and beyond with support. I am extremely grateful and love them very much, I know the baby will have wonderful grandparents.
I am just worried that It's going to be uncomfortable here, that people are going to go against my wishes for the baby , disrespect my choices, and that the baby will see everyone else as her parents. I want to be the only mommy, is that wrong? My brother (who lives here) is awesome, but he think's I am so stupid. even when I babysit our neice, he acts like I am such an idiot when I make the choices I make. Like not giving her a bottle. She is almost 2 and has been off the bottle for a few months with few exceptions, she likes her sippy cups! one day she said she wanted milk... he said in a bottle and of course she wanted it in a bottle. I told him no , her mom worked hard to get her off her bottle and she could have it in a sippy cup, I left the kitchen and he gave her a bottle... saying "if she wants it, give it to her", and since then she always tries to get bottles off everyone when she is here, even for juice, and I really don't think her mom is too happy about that. It's her child , so if she wants her child drinking out of a sippy cup then I think when we are watching her we should respect her moms wishes. But when the baby is tired and cranky and about to go for a nap sometimes she wants a suckie... she isn't completely dependant on them but I think that if the time is right and she is about to go to bed give her one, he'll take it right out of her mouth and say she's too old. Her mom gives her suckies at nap time, so why can't I ?And just the thought of him doing that with my kid infuriates me. or anyone else, but Im living under my parents roof so will I really have the right to tell them to not do stuff? I don't plan on living here forever, but it will take me a while before I can get out on my own.
I am just so terrified that everybody is going to continue to undermine me , disrespect me and treat me like a child when the baby comes, therefore he or she will feel no need to respect me and won't even see me as a mother figure but more like a goofy older sister. Even writing about it is making me cry, not because I am sad but because the thought frustrates and worries me so much that I just would rather get assistance and go out on my own, but I know If I do that my parents will not approve, they are offering me help and if I took it from the government etc. they would be very upset.I need my mom in my life and the same with my father and brother, but I just don't want this to be a community child. I want it to be my child, but how can I be a decent mother and the sole support system when I'm still depending on mommy and daddy? I want the baby to love me the most, maybe that's silly but it's my baby and I just think they've all already had their turn at being parents!
My house barely fits the four of us, we have so much stuff that could hurt a baby, big clunky furniture , and just stuff that scares me but everytime I try to discuss it my mother looks at me like I am an idiot and treats me like one, then I get mad and everyone thinks I'm being the !**@!, but Im not complaining or whining just trying to talk so why make me look and feel stupid? it hurts my feeling and when that happens I get mad, I can't help it.
I've gotten myself all worked up and upset now, I literally have tears streaming down, I'm pretty emotional lately and wish I had someone i could discuss this with, like I said though my mom just looks at me and talks to me like im being so dumb and unreasonable that I just dont bother talkign about anything with her cuz It just turns into a fight she constantly tells me "not to worry" but if I can't discuss what Im worried about without being treated liek a fool then they are just gonna sit in me and get worse and worse.\
ok enough !**@!... sorry for the long post , seriously needed to get that out just for the sake of getting it out, I dont expect anyone to reply or even read the whole thing! lol. it just feels a bit better now that I've said it all.
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