Broken Hearted Forum - Dumped By Bipolar Girl..please Read And Help!

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Q: Dumped By Bipolar Girl..please Read And Help!

asked by: lostangel078 on March 11th, 2007

New User

I was exclusively dating a young lady for 3 months, who I clicked with very well right off the bat, and we were mutually falling in love with one another admittedly, when one day out of the blue after our relationship having had no arguments, no drama, no lies, no cheating, no problems, she tells me: "i went to the doctor this morning... I need to be treated for bipolar disorder, I can't do this anymore....You can't help me...We can't even be friends". And as of right then, she was sure she would not see me anymore, and didnt think we could even be friends anymore. This shocked me, depressed me greatly, and left me to wonder if she was telling the truth (maybe just seeing someone else) or not. It has been 4 and a half months since that day, and immediately that week she declined to take my calls, and I have not been able to speak to her or see her since. Just a day before all this happened, she was excited to see me and everything was normal and wonderful between us, and she had told me that previous week that she "was falling in love with me". It was a brief yet serious 3 months, and I had fallen for her as well - this was an absolute shock, probably the worst dating ordeal I have ever dealt with, because she will not speak with me, and my attempts to e-mail and call her have upset her, she has now threatened to file a restraining order against me, and claims she wants nothing to do with me ever again. Do understand, a few days prior to our break up, she was "falling in love with me", and "wanting to be with me in the future", and "looking forward to the day she could fall asleep and wake up in my arms everyday", to quote her word for word. After her sudden doctors visit, everything changed, almost like she was told to drop me and never think of me again, not even and as friend, or in any regard. This has disturbed me greatly, depressed me greatly, and made me wonder if this is a symptom or a sign of something someone with bipolar disorder would do - dumping someone they recently told they love, without any apparent reason or decent explanation..... Please provide some insight on this if you have any, and help me out with this, this has caused great distress in my life, because truly do I love this person unconditionally, and wish there was some way for me to help them, but they refuse to discuss anything with me, and have completely shut me out of thier life 100%. When she told me she was diagnosed with bipolar, I told her I would be there for her though thick and thin, and I wasnt going anywhere. I meant that. She was so sure that I could'nt help her, she just said "you can't help me, I have to get better on my own". I didnt think that meant never seeing or speaking with her ever again. Has anyone had any experience like this, or any knowledge on this type of behavior?? Embarassed

Replies(16)

nightangel73

replied on March 11th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

There is plenty of treatments for bipolar individuals. It sounds to me she just doesn't want to be with you anymore period. And therefore you should definetly move on and find someone else. There is plenty of women out there so good luck!

and btw i have had plenty of bf who have left me after 3 months with no reason whatsoever. Happens all the time.

lostangel078

replied on March 11th, 2007

New User

Wow, thanks NightAngel, that was a deep, well thought out assessment of my situation! Thanks For the help!!!! I had never considered that before!!! Thanks for the reassurance!

Very Happy

littlesqueaks

replied on March 11th, 2007

Experienced User

Another thought to this is that maybe she is frightened. Had she shown any signs of bi-polar side effects while dating you? mood swings and such? The doctor could have told her the side effects that she may have, she could have done her own research on the subject and found that people who suffer from bi-polar have a hard time maintaining a lasting relationship. I have been dating a gentlemen for 3 years that also suffers from being bi-polar. It has been a very difficult ordeal getting use to someone that has this disorder and we still have our ups and downs. Yet there are a few that being in a relationship scares them becasue they fear how they might hurt the other person. Do some research on the disorder to get an idea of the side effects and maybe that will help you find some answers of why she may have fled. I am sorry that you had to go through this but maybe if you continue to at least E-mailing her with your feelings for her maybe she might have a change of heart and see that you care for her and want to help her. Good luck.

Runner83

replied on March 11th, 2007

New User

Dumped By a Bi Polar Girl

hi lost angel,

the topic of bipolar is a hard one. mental illness in itself is a really hard thing to deal with. there is a history of it in my family and at uni i am studying a course where i am learning more about overall well being etc.

this girl is probably maybe a bit embarrassed to be diagnosed with bipolar and may have been ashamed to keep seeing you or even to be your friend. i think people with mental illnesses have a reputation for being needy and depending on others for help and maybe your girl did not want to fall into this category and wanted to get well on her own without you to lean on? that sounds like a likely explanation to me. i dont think that she is intending to hurt you but may be getting frustrated as you are not following her requests to stay away. i acknowledge how hard it must be especially bc you and her had such strong feelings for each other.

i think being friends with you would make it harder for her especially bc it is clear that she did and have strong feelings for you. i can see that you really want to help her bc you love her but the way you may do that best is to leave her be. i am also one of those people that always wants to help someone by being there for them, calling them to check if they are ok etc but i have learnt over time that sometimes the best help is to not help. can you contact any of her friends to see if she is ok? dont contact her directly but care for her that way?

i am doing some research and reading on mental illness as i write this and thats how i stumbled over your post. i am trying to learn more about it so i can understand my family and others more.

good luck with it all. Smile

lostangel078

replied on March 11th, 2007

New User

Runner and Heather - thanks for your feedback. I have tried both things to no avail -1. I reached out to a good friend of hers who at first also was worried about her, but I guess she told her we had been in contact, and now neither of them will speak to me, and the friend told me it's probably best to leave her be, and understand that she is experiencing some mental/emotional stability issues, so I should not expect her to act/think rationally regarding me and our lost relationship

2. I have sent numerous e-mails to her explaining my concern, even wrote a song about our relationship, recorded it, and fed-exd it to her - she never even commented on it, and I still dont know if she has heard it! She has shut me out 100%, and told me she is not interested in being friends with me or speaking with me at all, and for me to leave her alone. Like I said, one day it was "i love you, im your baby, you are a blesssing in my life", next week it was "please dont contact me anymore". I was shocked and hurt deeply, and am still reeling from this, and like I said, I had done nothing to her but treat her like a queen, and never even had one argument, so there was no reason why we should've had to end our entire relationship!

So I am left with no choice but to leave her alone. She has threatened me with a restraining order if I dont stop e-mailing & texting her. I am just torn because we never had a proper sense of closure, and after becoming my closest friend, I dont see how it is ok for her to just drop our whole friendship, and essentially 86 me from her life 100%.

What you guys have said makes much sense regarding her possibly being ashamed of this illness. I gave her my full assurance that i was there for her regardless, and would have done whatever necessary to help her through the issue. It's done now, I have not seen her in since late October, and she has given me no reason to believe I will ever see her again. Now I feel like Im the one who needs treatment for depression, because losing her has saddened me greatly - my love for her is true and real, and I can't shake it off now.

deho

replied on May 18th, 2008

New User

Reply By Being Dumped

Please talk to a therapist. I have had the same thing happen to me two or three times with my fiance. It is Bipolar but you can not proceed until you can talk to a Bipolar counselor. I have done my best to get us to work together- that is the key. I Look forward to your response.

lostangel078

replied on May 19th, 2008

New User

Are you suggesting I alone, by myself see a Bipolar counselor? She is totally out of my life, she hasn't responded to an email I've sent her in over a year, and last feburary basically sent me an email telling me off and putting me down, saying I had been overreacting, our relationship "wasn't even that deep, we werent together that long", basically I need to just move on and never contact her again. She basically acted as if that true and special love we expereinced never occurred, and there was no record of it her mind at all, almost if I was a stranger, or stalker just bothering the crap out of her with no right or reason to.

It has been quite a bit of time, I am still not dating anyone, as this experience has disturbed me immensely, and forced me to lose any hope of ever having a relationship or dating again - also, I am not interested in replacing her, in my opinion, it is not possible, she is a very very very special young lady. basically, I lose, and thats that.

Me and this young lady had some very deep conversations, and even though the relationship lasted only a few brief months, we had discussed schools and colleges for our potential kids, names for them, sports she would allow me to coach them in, many many upcoming future plans like trips and such - and one day - BOOM - "i dont think we should see each other any more. I ' can't handle all this".

So, to answer you, the option of myself and she going to counseling is out - she has refused contact with me for more than a year and a half..I have no clue what or how she is doing - i pray always for her safety, and that God may lead her back to me one day. As for now, I continue on my journey through life alone.

deho

replied on May 19th, 2008

New User

Hi Lost Angel

Yes, Go into counseling to figure out the past and you'll be able to move forward. There are also some great online Bi Polar courses. Let me know and I can email you some names. Remember, when and if she comes back you want to make things better this time around. Plus, by not reacting to her emails in the same way she may come back to you . Deho.

lostangel078

replied on May 19th, 2008

New User

thank you

Deho,

thanks for your help and insight. it is greatly appreciated and accepted. Who are some names you can give me? what about these courses? Also, do you know of any volunteer opporunities in So Cal. I have decided I'd like to volunteer some of my free time to Kids with Bipolar, in hopes I can help make a difference, somehow. I'd wish what happened with me on no one, not my worst enemy. I'd like to give back to the community in some way. Thanks

deho

replied on May 19th, 2008

New User

Lost Angel

First try a site called Bipolar Central. You have a great attitude. Support groups are so important.We will stay in touch.

milesgirl

replied on December 10th, 2008

New User

hi lost angel

well my ex is also bi polar but so am i and she up and left me a few months back after haveing been togeather for 5 yrs i think for some people the bi polar does make them affraid of long term relationships cause i know it was a rocky 5 yrs but i truley loved her and there was children involved but any ways on the other hand there are also those of us who have bi polar who do great in long term relationships it is hard to say if it was the bipolar that made her to do it or if she just wanted out in my case i think my ex just got bored and everything became to familiar for her.she has alot of issues with commitment and truth is she just well could as well hang in there girl i know how you feel mine left and 2 days before she droped it on me she was leaveuing we was talking about haveing another child only i would have carried it strange how things happens whats more i she left 2 days before my 30 th b day nice b day gift huh

Sad2009

replied on July 13th, 2009

New User

Sad - broken heart from relationship with bipolar male

lost angel1078,

I just went through the same thing :0( It's very hard to have your heart broken this way. The more I learn about bipolar from reading, makes me not mad at him and more frustrated with the disease. It was the disease that broke my heart. Unfortuatnely he is not diagnosed but I think I may have been able to convince him to get help. I'm not a doctor but I read several books and talked to several of my doctor friends and it's unquestionable that is what he is going through. Poor guy....I know he's in more pain than I.

After all my reading, I think I would like to volunteer as well.

~Sad

Foxy23

replied on July 20th, 2009

New User

I am in a relationship with a guy who i met 6 months ago. Like you and your lady, we fell for each other instantly and talked about marriage after only 1 week. I started to think that something was not quite right as there were times when he appeared completley off the wall. He would say he was fine and i was over reacting and for a while i believed him. Until i spoe to a friend and she mentioned bi polar. I knew he was on medication for depression so read up on bi polar and suddenly it all made sense. So i told him this and he has agreed to see the doctor as he has also felt not quite right deep down. I am still scared of what the future holds and find myself having to examine my reaction to him more that i wish to. Our relationship can be great until he has a manic episode and goes off the wall, try as i might i can't ignore it. We are hoping to get through this together but its early days and no formal diagnosis yet.
I can imagine how scared your lady may feel about the future and maybe she thinks she is better coping with this alone. All I can suggest is that you write down how you are feeling and talk to people, it may help. I hope that you are able to move on with or without her. Good luck.

MyBipolarEx

replied on September 22nd, 2009

New User

I, too, was involved in a short but incredibly intense relationship with someone that I am only now coming to believe is bipolar.

Since our split 9 months ago, she has subsequently ended relationships with two of her best friends and moved on to other short term and incredibly unhealthy/tumultuous relationships with other men.

She has made a claim that I am stalking her and that she fears for her life because of me, all entirely unfounded and, though it frightens me to even suggest it...delusional.

Our relationship ramped up very quickly and was incredibly intense, discussions of marriage, children, a life together became common for the time that we were together.

I struggle now, having recently reached a point where I do truly believe she suffers from the disorder, because the people that we were mutually close to, including friends and family, have also been convinced of the unfounded fears she has. So, her friends, family, etc. have bought into her claims that I have stalked her and that she has good reason to be afraid of me.

At this stage, my concern is no longer even about reconciliation, but about her well being and the well being of her two children, who I had grown to love like they were my own kids. She is on a very destructive path, with bad relationships and poor decision making and I am trying to find some way, somehow, to see how she might be able to seek help and treatment. While our relationship was short, I had known her for about 15 years before we became romantically involved. I have seen her at her absolute best and when she is there, she is amazing and wonderful. Much of our relationship was that way was well, but when we began to experience even the slightest "bumps in the road" everything turned dark and FAST and led to our estrangement and many of the same threats (restraining orders, etc.) that LostAngel speaks of.

I, too, am looking for a way to see how I can get her help. I've thoughting of sending her books on BP, just to get her to think about the potential that she may have it, get evaluated and, if properly diagnosed, get treatment. I fear that she will continue on this path, undiagnosed and in turn, ruin the bright future of her life that she could have before her....with or without me in it.

If you or anyone you know has been successful in getting someone to pursue treatment and/or have any stories that started like this but had a happy ending, please share with us.

Lovedog

replied on October 29th, 2009

New User

Interesting reads

I too was heavily involved with a most amazing girl who apparently was advised she did not have bipolar - although that was 20 years ago when she was a child.

Trust me - all the signs there straight on and then she started telling actually she may have it - not like I didn't know...yawn

So - no more thinking and caring on her - its about you mate. You feel the worst ever - because you are just absolutely messed up..tell her that. No time for Mr Macho mate... And leave it.

If she comes back to you - well in your court on how YOU deal - and if you really want to - end of the day, is really worth it, come on man, really?

If not, mate it wasn't to be, so no more mamble blamble, you're better of without and that goes for bipolar or non, doesn't make a difference - no use criticising the bp folk out there, treat em as normal, move on - their friends and family can pick up the pieces - you will go down otherwise - trust me..I almost shot myself..and Bob, it aint worth it...

Sunshine to you

zoepatco

replied on November 3rd, 2009

New User

wow, can`t believe I found this site, these posts are so supporting. 2 weeks ago I came home from work to find a note on the table along with the house keys, and a strange text message with an airport parking no.(where he had dumped the car) My boyfriend suddenly with no warning walked away leaving 90% of his possessions behind. He had removed all tel numbers from the book, removed all old phone bills and deleted me and my friends from Facebook.
We had been seeing each other for 1 year and living together in Spain for 10 months. During which time, he has serios moods swings, sitting in silence, wanting little contact with social life, telling me he was unhappy one minute and then madly in love with me the next.He repeatedly told me that he would never hurt me, as though he was trying to convince himself of the fact. He had a history of agression, although he was never like that with me. I am completedly devastated, I have never felt such love for a man before nor felt so loved. I am now left surrounded by his possessions of a lifetime, all of which he left behind, telling me to burn them because a man like him has no need for anything. After reading these posts it all makes sense, God what a cruel world! I hope he seeks help. As for those of us left behind, well, we end up needing help too. Good luck to all

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