Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 9 Location: los angeles
Dumped By Bipolar Girl..please Read And Help! Posted: 03-11-07 17:50pm
I was exclusively dating a young lady for
3 months, who I clicked with very well
right off the bat, and we were mutually
falling in love with one another
admittedly, when one day out of the blue
after our relationship having had no
arguments, no drama, no lies, no cheating,
no problems, she tells me: "i went to the
doctor this morning... I need to be
treated for bipolar disorder, I can't do
this anymore....You can't help me...We
can't even be friends". And as of right
then, she was sure she would not see me
anymore, and didnt think we could even be
friends anymore. This shocked me,
depressed me greatly, and left me to
wonder if she was telling the truth (maybe
just seeing someone else) or not. It has
been 4 and a half months since that day,
and immediately that week she declined to
take my calls, and I have not been able to
speak to her or see her since. Just a day
before all this happened, she was excited
to see me and everything was normal and
wonderful between us, and she had told me
that previous week that she "was falling
in love with me". It was a brief yet
serious 3 months, and I had fallen for her
as well - this was an absolute shock,
probably the worst dating ordeal I have
ever dealt with, because she will not
speak with me, and my attempts to e-mail
and call her have upset her, she has now
threatened to file a restraining order
against me, and claims she wants nothing
to do with me ever again. Do understand, a
few days prior to our break up, she was
"falling in love with me", and "wanting to
be with me in the future", and "looking
forward to the day she could fall asleep
and wake up in my arms everyday", to quote
her word for word. After her sudden
doctors visit, everything changed, almost
like she was told to drop me and never
think of me again, not even and as friend,
or in any regard. This has disturbed me
greatly, depressed me greatly, and made me
wonder if this is a symptom or a sign of
something someone with bipolar disorder
would do - dumping someone they recently
told they love, without any apparent
reason or decent explanation..... Please
provide some insight on this if you have
any, and help me out with this, this has
caused great distress in my life, because
truly do I love this person
unconditionally, and wish there was some
way for me to help them, but they refuse
to discuss anything with me, and have
completely shut me out of thier life 100%.
When she told me she was diagnosed with
bipolar, I told her I would be there for
her though thick and thin, and I wasnt
going anywhere. I meant that. She was so
sure that I could'nt help her, she just
said "you can't help me, I have to get
better on my own". I didnt think that
meant never seeing or speaking with her
ever again. Has anyone had any experience
like this, or any knowledge on this type
of behavior??
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2603 Location: ,
Thanks: 17
Thanked:13
Posted: 03-11-07 20:50pm
There is plenty of treatments for bipolar
individuals. It sounds to me she just
doesn't want to be with you anymore
period. And therefore you should definetly
move on and find someone else. There is
plenty of women out there so good luck!
and btw i have had plenty of bf who have
left me after 3 months with no reason
whatsoever. Happens all the time.
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lostangel078
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 9 Location: los angeles
Posted: 03-11-07 22:02pm
Wow, thanks NightAngel, that was a deep,
well thought out assessment of my
situation! Thanks For the help!!!! I had
never considered that before!!! Thanks for
the reassurance!
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littlesqueaks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 296 Location: Caldwell, Idaho
Posted: 03-11-07 22:13pm
Another thought to this is that maybe she
is frightened. Had she shown any signs of
bi-polar side effects while dating you?
mood swings and such? The doctor could
have told her the side effects that she
may have, she could have done her own
research on the subject and found that
people who suffer from bi-polar have a
hard time maintaining a lasting
relationship. I have been dating a
gentlemen for 3 years that also suffers
from being bi-polar. It has been a very
difficult ordeal getting use to someone
that has this disorder and we still have
our ups and downs. Yet there are a few
that being in a relationship scares them
becasue they fear how they might hurt the
other person. Do some research on the
disorder to get an idea of the side
effects and maybe that will help you find
some answers of why she may have fled. I
am sorry that you had to go through this
but maybe if you continue to at least
E-mailing her with your feelings for her
maybe she might have a change of heart and
see that you care for her and want to help
her. Good luck.
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Runner83
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Melbourne
Dumped By a Bi Polar Girl Posted: 03-11-07 22:32pm
hi lost angel,
the topic of bipolar is a hard one. mental
illness in itself is a really hard thing
to deal with. there is a history of it in
my family and at uni i am studying a
course where i am learning more about
overall well being etc.
this girl is probably maybe a bit
embarrassed to be diagnosed with bipolar
and may have been ashamed to keep seeing
you or even to be your friend. i think
people with mental illnesses have a
reputation for being needy and depending
on others for help and maybe your girl did
not want to fall into this category and
wanted to get well on her own without you
to lean on? that sounds like a likely
explanation to me. i dont think that she
is intending to hurt you but may be
getting frustrated as you are not
following her requests to stay away. i
acknowledge how hard it must be especially
bc you and her had such strong feelings
for each other.
i think being friends with you would make
it harder for her especially bc it is
clear that she did and have strong
feelings for you. i can see that you
really want to help her bc you love her
but the way you may do that best is to
leave her be. i am also one of those
people that always wants to help someone
by being there for them, calling them to
check if they are ok etc but i have learnt
over time that sometimes the best help is
to not help. can you contact any of her
friends to see if she is ok? dont contact
her directly but care for her that way?
i am doing some research and reading on
mental illness as i write this and thats
how i stumbled over your post. i am trying
to learn more about it so i can understand
my family and others more.
good luck with it all.
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lostangel078
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 9 Location: los angeles
Posted: 03-11-07 23:21pm
Runner and Heather - thanks for your
feedback. I have tried both things to no
avail -1. I reached out to a good friend
of hers who at first also was worried
about her, but I guess she told her we had
been in contact, and now neither of them
will speak to me, and the friend told me
it's probably best to leave her be, and
understand that she is experiencing some
mental/emotional stability issues, so I
should not expect her to act/think
rationally regarding me and our lost
relationship
2. I have sent numerous e-mails to her
explaining my concern, even wrote a song
about our relationship, recorded it, and
fed-exd it to her - she never even
commented on it, and I still dont know if
she has heard it! She has shut me out
100%, and told me she is not interested in
being friends with me or speaking with me
at all, and for me to leave her alone.
Like I said, one day it was "i love you,
im your baby, you are a blesssing in my
life", next week it was "please dont
contact me anymore". I was shocked and
hurt deeply, and am still reeling from
this, and like I said, I had done nothing
to her but treat her like a queen, and
never even had one argument, so there was
no reason why we should've had to end our
entire relationship!
So I am left with no choice but to leave
her alone. She has threatened me with a
restraining order if I dont stop e-mailing
& texting her. I am just torn because
we never had a proper sense of closure,
and after becoming my closest friend, I
dont see how it is ok for her to just drop
our whole friendship, and essentially 86
me from her life 100%.
What you guys have said makes much sense
regarding her possibly being ashamed of
this illness. I gave her my full assurance
that i was there for her regardless, and
would have done whatever necessary to help
her through the issue. It's done now, I
have not seen her in since late October,
and she has given me no reason to believe
I will ever see her again. Now I feel like
Im the one who needs treatment for
depression, because losing her has
saddened me greatly - my love for her is
true and real, and I can't shake it off
now.
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deho
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 3
Reply By Being Dumped Posted: 05-18-08 21:08pm
Please talk to a therapist. I have had the
same thing happen to me two or three times
with my fiance. It is Bipolar but you can
not proceed until you can talk to a
Bipolar counselor. I have done my best to
get us to work together- that is the key.
I Look forward to your response.
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lostangel078
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 9 Location: los angeles
Posted: 05-19-08 11:43am
Are you suggesting I alone, by myself see
a Bipolar counselor? She is totally out of
my life, she hasn't responded to an email
I've sent her in over a year, and last
feburary basically sent me an email
telling me off and putting me down, saying
I had been overreacting, our relationship
"wasn't even that deep, we werent together
that long", basically I need to just move
on and never contact her again. She
basically acted as if that true and
special love we expereinced never
occurred, and there was no record of it
her mind at all, almost if I was a
stranger, or stalker just bothering the
crap out of her with no right or reason
to.
It has been quite a bit of time, I am
still not dating anyone, as this
experience has disturbed me immensely, and
forced me to lose any hope of ever having
a relationship or dating again - also, I
am not interested in replacing her, in my
opinion, it is not possible, she is a very
very very special young lady. basically, I
lose, and thats that.
Me and this young lady had some very deep
conversations, and even though the
relationship lasted only a few brief
months, we had discussed schools and
colleges for our potential kids, names for
them, sports she would allow me to coach
them in, many many upcoming future plans
like trips and such - and one day - BOOM -
"i dont think we should see each other any
more. I ' can't handle all this".
So, to answer you, the option of myself
and she going to counseling is out - she
has refused contact with me for more than
a year and a half..I have no clue what or
how she is doing - i pray always for her
safety, and that God may lead her back to
me one day. As for now, I continue on my
journey through life alone.
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deho
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 3
Hi Lost Angel Posted: 05-19-08 12:11pm
Yes, Go into counseling to figure out the
past and you'll be able to move forward.
There are also some great online Bi Polar
courses. Let me know and I can email you
some names. Remember, when and if she
comes back you want to make things better
this time around. Plus, by not reacting to
her emails in the same way she may come
back to you . Deho.
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lostangel078
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 9 Location: los angeles
thank you Posted: 05-19-08 12:56pm
Deho,
thanks for your help and insight. it is
greatly appreciated and accepted. Who are
some names you can give me? what about
these courses? Also, do you know of any
volunteer opporunities in So Cal. I have
decided I'd like to volunteer some of my
free time to Kids with Bipolar, in hopes I
can help make a difference, somehow. I'd
wish what happened with me on no one, not
my worst enemy. I'd like to give back to
the community in some way. Thanks
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deho
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 3
Lost Angel Posted: 05-19-08 15:32pm
First try a site called Bipolar Central.
You have a great attitude. Support groups
are so important.We will stay in touch.
