I was exclusively dating a young lady for 3 months, who I clicked with very well right off the bat, and we were mutually falling in love with one another admittedly, when one day out of the blue after our relationship having had no arguments, no drama, no lies, no cheating, no problems, she tells me: "I went to the doctor this morning... I need to be treated for bipolar disorder, I can't do this anymore....you can't help me...we can't even be friends". And as of right then, she was sure she would not see me anymore, and didnt think we could even be friends anymore. This shocked me, depressed me greatly, and left me to wonder if she was telling the truth (maybe just seeing someone else) or not. It has been 4 and a half months since that day, and immediately that week she declined to take my calls, and I have not been able to speak to her or see her since. Just a day before all this happened, she was excited to see me and everything was normal and wonderful between us, and she had told me that previous week that she "was falling in love with me". It was a brief yet serious 3 months, and I had fallen for her as well - this was an absolute shock, probably the worst dating ordeal I have ever dealt with, because she will not speak with me, and my attempts to e-mail and call her have upset her, she has now threatened to file a restraining order against me, and claims she wants nothing to do with me ever again. Do understand, a few days prior to our break up, she was "falling in love with me", and "wanting to be with me in the future", and "looking forward to the day she could fall asleep and wake up in my arms everyday", to quote her word for word. After her sudden doctors visit, everything changed, almost like she was told to drop me and never think of me again, not even and as friend, or in any regard. This has disturbed me greatly, depressed me greatly, and made me wonder if this is a symptom or a sign of something someone with Bipolar Disorder would do - dumping someone they recently told they love, without any apparent reason or decent explanation..... Please provide some insight on this if you have any, and help me out with this, this has caused great distress in my life, because truly do I love this person unconditionally, and wish there was some way for me to help them, but they refuse to discuss anything with me, and have completely shut me out of thier life 100%. When She told me she was Diagnosed with Bipolar, I told her I would be there for her though thick and thin, and I wasnt going anywhere. I meant that. She was so sure that I could'nt help her, she just said "you can't help me, I have to get better on my own". I didnt think that meant never seeing or speaking with her ever again. has anyone had any experience like this, or any knowledge on this type of behavior??
Hi...I have been there and know what you ar going through. This is in two parts...so bear with me. The circumstances of meeting my girfriend paralled yours. Seemed like we were made for eachother,..and everything clicked. ......She was diagnosed with clinical depression,..and all her emotional dramas, mood swings, and verbal attacks surfaced early in the relationship. I also tried to help her.To no avail...... ........... She denied she was Bipolar,..but the meds her therapist wanted her to take at least to me.. proved otherwise. She would throw the meds away,..and smoke Marijuana instead. Her judgement was completely impaired. .................. I witnessed some very shocking and unexpected behavior, that was unexplained. I am not a doctor, but I did educate myself about it, and the extremes in her almost immediate personality changes pointed to her being Bipolar. I was also in love with her, and no ,matter how hard I tried or what I did to help her it seemed to just push her farther away. .....In your case, I think it remotely possible, she is telling you the truth, but I feel it may not be probable in her case. Her abrubt behavior reminds me more of another woman I dated about 6 years ago. It parrallels your situation exactly. I found out she was mentally ill. Things were going perfect till out of the blue one day, she called me up and said she couldn't see me anymore,..with no explanation, from her. ...... ........I knew she was seeing a councellor because of the divorce she had been through. She told me at the beginning of our relationship she had stopped going because I was in her life and she was so much happier, and things were going so well. She was living with her parents with her 2 children. Things were going great,..her parents loved me, and we spent a lot of time together. I was on a high,..until I got dumped so suddenly. ....Come to find out, I got a call from her husband a few days later telling me she was mentally ill, they weren't in fact divorced, and despite what she said to me about her husband verbally and physically abusing her, it wasn't true. I was so shocked and at a loss, I followed up on everything he said,..and he was telling the truth. He even had custody of their two children. The kids only stayed with their mom every other weekend, UNDER HER PARENT'S SUPERVISION. ................................ They were devout Christians, and his wife was indeed in treatment for mental illness, till this day of which I never found out any details. So I know what you are going through. Your girl my have a mental problem,..Bipolar, I don't know. But my advice is not to pursue her. I felt so bad after my breakup, I sent a birthday card,..and ended up with a reply in the form of a restraining order. I am very sorry for you,..but these things are possible,..and are devastating. And mental illness that affects a loved one affects us all.
EEclops, thanks for the feedback. That is terrible, I am sorry you had to go through any of that at all. I am curious though, the only thing you sent was a birthday card, and just because of that she got a restraining order? Were you continually trying to reach her via phone, e-mail, etc?
In my case, I tried everything - I even went as far as going to her home with a card/flowers and leaving them on her doorstep for valentines day, after a couple of months of no returned emails, phone calls, etc. She had mentioned before we broke up, that her mom and sister were diagnosed with Bipolar as well, so I believe it is true in her case, I am just wondering if anything having to do with Bipolar would cause someone to "snap", and turn on someone they love or are deeply into without any reason, and then cause them to fail to even show the person the respect to explain why. I am still very upset by this, because she was over the top in the things she would say to me about the future, and us - and then that day her words smacked me like being hit by a mack truck. whats going on?
Yes,..That's how it happened. That relationship was brief, over..about a 5 month period. I met this woman when I was in my late 40's She was 43. This was around 2000.2001. As a matter of fact,.I met her a few times through a mutual friend, and she contacted me a short time later, and wanted to get together with me.. She was like the girl next door,..I had no inkling of the problems. As a matter of fact she ony lived a few blocks away with her parents. Seemed ok,..she was divorced and all, and said it was all behind her. I thought she had custody of the kids because when I would pick her up,..they would be at her parent's house. ................ She was very well mannered,..very well groomed and very smart...and a great sense of humor,...everything I wanted. There was a very adolecent side of her,..because every other day I was getting love notes,..and cards in the mail. There were no arguments, or issues,...she was a giggly, blonde that was enjoying her freedom. She also talked about our future. She said her kids were fine with her dating. .......She actually called it quits by leaving me a message on my answering machine. No details,..just said she couldn't see me anymore. When I called her back she sounded very flustered, nervous and scared,..like I was a stranger to her. It was her birthday about a week later,..that's when I sent her the card. I also talked to her mother briefy,..and she said her daughter had problems,..and was causing the family much anguish. I got no details, and out of respect to her mom, didn't pry. I also didn't try to contact her again. ..........But I was served papers by a sherrif. It was an application for a restrainig order, by her. She said she saw me everywhere she went. I had to appear in court, and state my case before it was decided wether they would issue a full order. She never showed up,..so the whole thing was dropped. If I didn't appear,...I would have been issued the order. ....I had no idea what exactly was going on till' I got a phone call from the husband a short time later asking me not to see his wife anymore. He was actually very nice,..nicer than I was to him,..because I was so confused at the time, I didn't know how to react. ....... ...I felt bad about my attitude towards him since. But in our brief conversation he did say they were having marital problems because of her mental illness, and they were not divorced. He said he loved his wife,..and their kids were upset that she was seeing me. I brought up her allegations of spousal abuse,..and he said it was all lies. She was deemed an unfit mother, consequently he had custody of the kids, and she abandoned them and moved in with her parents. He also said restraining orders were also filed on him,..and were reversed. ...I asked him how he tracked me down and he admitted to following us when we were together. I was totally shocked. ....This paralells, more of what happened to you. And yes, that's how fast it happens. I however do not think your girlfriend is Bipolar. Either she was leading a double life, and is just a liar about being Bipolar, or is suffering some other form of mental illness and leading a double life as was the woman in my case. .... I don't know. I do know what being close to a Bipoar person is. Even though my most recent partner was in denial about being Bipolar, she was diagnosed with clinical depression. It was an emotional roller coaster beyond beief,..and even stranger than fiction. And she would change in an instant to Mrs. Hyde,..and flip on me without warning, and most times not making any sense. ...It was a very unfortunate thing. She was verbally abusive to me. She was also selfish for not taking her proper meds. She acknowleged to me that she had a brain chemistery problem, but elected to dump the meds,..and smoke Marijuana instead. Like I said,..I'm not a doctor,..she would not admit she was Bipolar,...but after researching her meds, I found them to be associated with the treatment of Bipolar. And yes, she would snap in an instant, and even scream hurtful, untrue things. And especially turn on people closest to her. I was disrespected and turned on many times as was my family. And all we were guilty of was treating her nice. And there is nothing you can do for her. Like I said,..it is futile to try to contact her or help her. What seems like a kind gesture on your part she may be interpreting as a threat. I'm sorry but it's a whole different way of thinking. This is only my opinion, based on my own experiences.
I appreciate your feedback, and this situation of yours seems to be much more envolved than mine, with more intricate parts involved (kids, marriage, etc). The striking similarity to your situation is that all of this with the young lady I was dating transpired exactly one week prior to her birthday as well......She asked me not to send her anything or come see her for her birthday, and i did not. As time passed, I figured this was just a passing stage, and we would once again be friends, or speak again. Since that did not happen, I sent her e-mails, text messages, and even gift to her for Christmas that she rejected and returned.
You are right, there is nothing I can do, and something that is meant with loving, caring intentions, could be interpreted as "harmful" or "harassing", when you are dealing with a person who is emotionally unstable. In my case, it just came at a difficult time, because I had not been serious with anyone in a few years, so our romance had me on a high, and in the beginning, I was weary of getting to close to her, after she asked me if I was "trying to find out if she would make a good girlfriend" after our first date. My response was, "girl, u crazy". Little did I know what was soon to come when I said that statement, because over the next few weeks, we grew closer and closer, and I had accepted the idea of having her become my Girlfriend, and was very happy with that, and with her. Losing her friendship LIKE THIS in only a few short weeks later really f'd with me, shook me up, and me question my self worth, and sent me through my own little emotional nightmare.
Bottom line is this - she has emotional issues, in result, I have emotional issues - now she wants nothing to do with me whatsoever, no contact, and I am still torn up over the whole ordeal - now I feel like I need treatment. I have been depressed by this whole ordeal, and have not been myself in the 4 1/2 months since this has transpired. She has threatened to get that restraining order, she may have already gotten it, because I do still get weak and send her text massages telling her I care for her, want to know how she is, and ask how her treatment for bipolar is going (she admitted she was beginning treatment the week we split). I guess I just can't understand how someone who was so high on someone could turn on them so quickly, then not even give a thorough explanation or ever speak to them again. And yes, I am sure she was diagnosed with Bipolar - the treatment, family members with it (mom & sister) confirm that. I just need to figure out a way to put her and our lost relationship out of my mind and move on - even still, there is no one else I want to date, I think of this young lady and her family everyday and night.
It's beyond you,...so don't blame yourself. Like I said,...my girlfriend from 6 years ago reacted exacty the same way,..at the end that yours did, but all her secrative issues were eventually known. She was not only suffering mental problems,..but she had a plan. I believe much of it was also impulse as folks with instability often are very impaired in decision making. She drove her husband and family into a turmoil. Seems the only ones that were having a good time were us. I didn't know,..and she didn't care...what a pair. ..... The woman I broke up with a few months ago was much worse stability wise. We were together about a year. She was 54, so there are no age minimums or maximums attributed to this. Not only were the emotions and temper out of control, but the paranoia was very prevalant. She would be very depressed,..then shoot off like a missile into anger. It brought road rage to a whole new high. I couldn't drive with her. ...She insisted she wasn't bipolar though. She lost so many high paying jobs as a result of her problems,..and always blamed everybody around her. She was very intelligent. ...She had high tech jobs in her past repairing computers. Her depression and instablity got so bad she was put on full Social Security disability, because she could not function in a normal work environment. But she was also so much in denial,..and didn't take her meds,..she lost her career...and reationships suffered. ....It tore me apart, durng the relationship, and three months after the fact,..it is still affecting me. I never would have believed it until I bacame involved in it. So I am trying to move on. I know someday the pain will fade,..but it will always be in the back of my mind.
The same thing happend to me i loved her so much and she tore my hart out within ours of telling me we were going to get maried and have kids she said some guy came in to her life who she had been after for ages and that was it over im devostaed and cant understand why.