I am the sole survivor of my family. My father was murdered and subsequently my mother who was schizo killed herself. I am writting you this so that you can see that as caregivers and survivors there is a way out.

I graduated Universtiy and am now a Social Worker, funny I think that i Followed a line of work that deals alot with mental issues!!! I took on alot of the responsibilty of my mother, as most people were scared of her. I was nervous at times around her, but mostly understood her. she always had a way of freaking me out. There was some things that happened to me in my life, abuse issues, that she knew about and talked about. When I say she knew about, well I mean she knew about it in her head. She was almost dead on about it all. I never admitted it to her b/c I thought that would make her think she was not that ill. She really was. I personally believe that schizophrenics do have some higher then normal ability (reluctant to say psychic) to differentiate between emtions, thoughts and situations. I think that Schizophrenics are highly creative, sensitive and intelligent human beings, I hope that one day there will be more places and people that can help.

My mother went off her meds, she had no one else looking after her, and the health care system states that she still had a choice about her own well-being. I tried to say something, but I was 15 when she died. I think that she finally could not handle it anymore because her inner voices were telling her that I would be better off in heaven or something. Once she tried to explain this to me before she died, over a bottle of pop, 35 cents and an indian warrior dog all given to me as portection. I think she knew on some level that this was not normal, at times I saw it in her eyes. At the end I did not see any sign of understanding normalcy.

Today I deal alot with mental health issues, and honestly it is amazing how much people do not know, or are misinformed about with schizo in particular. I fought with the idea of me getting it for years. But fortunantely I did get it. Instead I get bouts of derpression, fun fun. I had a massive post partum attack after my girl was born. I knwo I was depressed, but I think it was mostly situational. Then one day Icould not kick it. Over time and counselling, even though I am a SW I still had to get help, I dealt with depression and will continue to deal with it, thats the way it goes. If you have one parent mainly mother ot daughter, your chances of getting schizo or other mental illness are relatively high. But dont pay attention to it too much, it is just a stat. If you are looking for mental illness you will most likely find it just by creating symptoms and diagnosing yourself.

Schizophrenia is a hard disease to understand and heal. As a survivor and a witness to it I really hope that all of you that are feeling like you may have schizo. get some medical help. W/out help and proper treatment things could go from bad to ugly very fast, I know I saw it first hand!!!

Holly