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Q: Selfish? (long)

asked by: oh_mommy on March 10th, 2007

Supporter

Is it shelfish to pretty much say you can spend hundreds of dollers on doing something you like because your the one working?
im asking this because earlier shawn and i had a fight because he said he spends money on buying things for the cars to make them look "cool" because he likes to. so i said i dont go off spending any money on things i like. and he said yeah but im the one working and i want to see something out of it" and i said that if he does he should put money into the car that he can get back when he sells the car not something that he wont get shi# all out of... then he said it dosnt matter he likes to do it. then i got angry and i said but i cant go and do things i like that cost hundreds of dollers and he said no because i dont work... Even if i did work i wouldnt do that because i put my family first not my wants, i rather have my bills paid, with food in the house, and reese in nice clothing rather then doing something that wastes my time and money...

Well i got angry and threw my dinner in the garbage and went for a shower leavin shawn with an upset baby(he was tired) so i didnt say i was going for a shower either to let him know i was pissed.. then i sat in the shower thinking for awhile. and im not quite sure what to do...

I feel like all i am to shawn is a caretaker of his child and a sex object. i mean we dont really snuggle anymore, we dont kiss often, half the time shawns trying to get me horny and into bed. sometimes i feel like i want to leave him because of this but i know i still love him, and i have nowhere to go either, i mean i could go to my grandparents or something but i dont want to say that im feeling this way to my family. i dont want them getting upset. What should i do.. i dont know anymore. I dont ever talk to shawn about it cause i dont want him getting angry or upset.

Replies(16)

Sandbox Party

replied on March 10th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

thats ur problem, girl... you guys lack communication.

You need to voice your concerns with him.

Also... is he taking care of you and the baby well?? DO you guys have everything you need? If so, then if he wants to spend his extra money here and there on things for his car, let him. As long as it isnt something he does every single time you guys have extra money its ok. Everyone is allowed to have a hobby or an outlet. Maybe thats his.

oh_mommy

replied on March 10th, 2007

Supporter

we barley ever have food, my grandparents have given us like 100 or more to help out each month.. so we reallyy dont have money.... and when we think we have extra money its because we forgota about a bill....

shawns planning on spending some of our child tax bennift on a body kit for the car, which we dont need... what we need is a new car seat and to stock up on some bigger clothes. hes also talking about getting a turbo for the car which we dont need, we need struts, and soon to be a new motor cuz the car has 430000kms on it

Sandbox Party

replied on March 10th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

jeeez!! Yeah gurl you need to knock some sense into that man! Tell him to grow up and stop acting like a child! He chose to give those things up when he chose to have kids and a wife. Tell him either he puts you and that baby first from now on or your outta there.

Get ur dad or somebody to talk to him. Maybe ur grandpa?

tinkinpink84

replied on March 10th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

you need to sit down with him and talk to him, personally i think the moneys from having the kid, it should be the kids if u can afford it, our taxes are going to pay the bills wich arent behind but still he wants them not so high. maybe go to a financial advisor or something, his priorities arent straight. my sisters ex was a car guy and spent all his time and money on his firebird. u even touched a finger on it he went crazy. he cared more about his car then his own kid, but hehe i did drive his car once. he was intoxicated when we went to see fireworks one year. but he seriously needs a talking to, that money should go towards food. i always say pay your electric, water , phone and food then focuson other bills after that. credit cards wont feed u or keep your house warm. so i make sure the important ones like rent and food etc are paid then onto the other ones. but eh me and myhubby didnt have that problem, it was my sister and her now ex. she stopped paying all his credit cards when he was away cuz he took out money to drink with and she still needed to afford rent and food etc wich he didnt remember iguess, its sad when u can only pay the rent in cash cuz u bounced to many checks with your landlord.

Sunflower_pie81

replied on March 10th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Yeah it's selfish.......if a car needs fixing he isn't going to have the money to have it fixed because he is too busy spending all his money to make it look nice.

Just because he makes all the money doesn't mean that you can't do something too. but that is how he is going to be until he grows up. which may never happen.

Mommy35

replied on March 10th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

If you need things for the baby, groceries, and your bills are not paid, and he's pimping out his car, that is rude. It does sound like he needs to grow up a lot.

Sounds like you may need to get a job. That will suk with a little one, but at least you'll have the satisfaction of supporting you and him (the baby).

foxy

replied on March 10th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Selfish? (long)

Maybe he is acting out......sometimes when families come to the agreement for one parent to stay at home, they decide this not knowing all of the hardship. He probably didn't realise that all the bills and anything else would be his financial responsibility. So now he may be frustrated that the burden always lies with him and he can't do all the extra things with his money that he used to, overwhelmed because the bills are piling up and he has no idea how he is going to pay them all, and angry because he can't turn to you and say lend me a couple of dollars......so he acts out by saying, "the h@ll with it, I'm gonna spend my money how I want to spend it." Its pretty immature and selfish in my opinion but he is acting out.

Also the fact that he said "yeah but im the one working" makes me think that he wants you to go back to work.

Don't take this the wrong way, because its only my opinion....but I never thought that one parent staying home was for financially struggling families......its a recipe for disaster.

Bridget

replied on March 10th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

oh_mommy wrote:

shawns planning on spending some of our child tax bennift on a body kit for the car, which we dont need...

tell him that if the money he makes at work is "his" money, then the child tax money should be yours since you were the one who was pregnant for 9 months and gave birth to the child.

oh_mommy

replied on March 10th, 2007

Supporter

yea thats wat i was going to say to him.... that all the child bennifts r mine not his!

Sail Away

replied on March 10th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

oh_mommy wrote:

yea thats wat i was going to say to him.... that all the child bennifts r mine not his!

Actually, that money is yours to spend on your child, it would be illegal for him to spend that money on anything other than baby stuff It's called child benefits for a reason.

he needs to grow up and realize he has a baby and his baby should always come first before anything that has to do with a car.

oh_mommy

replied on March 10th, 2007

Supporter

yea i kno it is.... i dont look for anything anymore all i want to do is spend money on reese anyways, so if i even hada job other then paying bills and getting groceries i would be spoiling my little man when i can...

Willa Weintraub

replied on March 19th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

do you guys have labor readyin Canada? if so ,on shawns days off you ashould go up there and work,leave him with the baby allllll day log and let him see how much you actually have to go through and then he might think you deserve money and maybe he should take you nad the baby into more concideration! he has no right to act like that toward you and if that was my man i'd slap him! (well,not really but I would want to! lol)

Emma2

replied on March 19th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

whats that mel??

AyaMiyaki

replied on March 19th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

It sounds like it might be a temp agency? Confused

Willa Weintraub

replied on March 19th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Emma2 wrote:

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

whats that mel??

it's a place people can go and work daily.you walk in fill out a paper that says what you know how to do and what your willing to do and they place you somewhere for the day.sometimes you can even become permanant! its kinda liek a temp agency but they do your work by day.if you wanna work you go there and they place you

Emma2

replied on March 19th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

Emma2 wrote:

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

whats that mel??

NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING HERE...WE HAVE PLACEMENT AGENCIES BUT NOT DAILY JOBS...THATS COOL

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