Wow, it does sound like he's acting out. I do believe it's fairly normal for an older sibling to be jealous like this.
Maybe you could concentrate on the good things, reward him for doing little things....like saying please and thank you...or picking up his toys, or helping you out. And not concentrate as much on the bad things. Because when he's getting in trouble, and you punish him/ground him, or whatever...that's attention he wants. So instead of giving him negative attention, try to tone that down and ignore that bad behavior (to an extent) and reinforce the positive behavior. Maybe do a sticker chart, and once he gets X amount of stickers, he can choose a place to with you, or a toy or...something he likes. Maybe have him help you with his little brother. I hope he comes around for you...it can be stressful with a new one!

ty.

We do try to center in on the positive things more then the negative, but with him it seems like as soon as he does someting good, picking up his things or helping with his brother, not two seconds later if i ask him to grab something for me he says no i am not doing all your dam work for you or he just ingnors me all together and if we have plans to go and do something fun and he starts to get defiant i tell him that we are not going to go if he keeps up his attutide we are not going and he turns around and tells me we are going if i want to.......i feel like a terrible mother becuase i cant keep him in line but his attitude is only really bad when we are at home if we are out he is ok. Sometimes i just feel like it is only gonna get worse. I have thought about taking him to talk to someone but i dont even know where to begin. What really bothers me is the other day he asked my after having afight with me y i hated him. I dont even know where he got that, other then him associated that with me taking away his games. I dont know i am just really worried about him, i mean we have more good times then bad but when we have bad times they are really really bad.

Jenn