Sexual Health - Men Forum - Not Enough Sex Problem

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Q: Not Enough Sex Problem

asked by: cdietschrun on March 7th, 2007

New User

I am having a problem with my girlfriend that I'm not sure what to do or say.

We have been having sex since December. She is the first woman I've had sex with. Over the past 2 weeks, it seems impossible to know if she wants sex or not. The problem is, I badly want her most every night. We sleep together about 4 or 5 days a week, and rarely have sex. I would say we have sex once every 3 or 4 days. I ususally want sex every night, but never 'ask' for it.

Most nights we lie in bed and cuddle and I think we might be having sex and she plans on sleeping. Sometimes I get an erection and it feels like she is bothered by it so she usually gives me manual stimulation and even sometimes says 'now I can go to bed' jokingly, but it makes me feel bad.

I would summarize my problem as wanting her most every night without knowing what she wants. Sometimes she wants me, sometimes not. I feel she's not passionate for me much. I take her out to eat and we go to the mall all one day and I am not 'expecting' that to get me sex but it would think sometimes it would be nice, and she sleeps in her room tonight with nothing.

I don't know where to start to ask if I am not pleasuring her or if she just does not find me sexy much...please help!

Replies(11)

blulyneguy

replied on March 7th, 2007

Experienced User

Sounds Familiar

You sure you're not married? Sounds alot like marriage. Could be that your "honeymoon" phase is subsiding and you guys are getting into a kind of routine. Be open about it and talk to her. remember that *most* women don't have the same desire as men.

cdietschrun

replied on March 7th, 2007

New User

What can I say??

I wnat to say that I feel neglected but I feel that at the same time all that will get me is some attention for a while then fall back into a 'routine'...I know I don't expect to have sex every night but 3 or 4 nights apart at our age (20, 21) feels too long...

cdietschrun

replied on March 8th, 2007

New User

anyone?

HealthySex

replied on March 8th, 2007

Experienced User

Talk to her about it. Let her know how it makes you feel and find out why she may not want to. It may be lack of desire, it may be that she isn't receiving the pleasure she wants, it could be many things. Don't demand it, find out why. And be careful with your wording so as not to offend or accuse her or sound like you're telling her something is wrong with her. Make it an open conversation where she can tell you how she feels, what she thinks is going on and what can be done on your part.

Also, if it's lack of pleasure don't see it as a failure on your part and don't be offended by it. Make sure she knows that otherwise she might keep it from you even though you're asking. Instead, see it is an opportunity to improve your skills and your relationship together as a whole.

Perhaps there's a sex therapist online that answers such questions or a site where answers have been already given to others in a similar situation.

healthy-model

replied on March 9th, 2007

Experienced User

is she older than you?

Stan

replied on March 9th, 2007

Moderator

Every three days would be considering a dream to many married men and men in relationships. What you need to do is talk to her and you both need to understand better what you expect in this regard. You can't expect sex every night, but perhaps she needs to consider your needs as well. You both need to a find a balance.

fiona05

replied on March 9th, 2007

Supporter

everything healthysex said. that's top notch advice.

welcome to my world. i crave sex on at least a daily basis, and it kills me going to bed with my boyfriend and snuggling up and getting all in the mood until i realise all he wants to do is cuddle.

it could be many things, maybe she's shy or insecure. maybe she has never really got pleasure from sex so doesnt see the appeal. talking is the best way, really. though it is likely i suppose that if she has a low sex drive, it's just the way she is and it will always be that way.

good luck

Stan

replied on March 9th, 2007

Moderator

Men and women should both be willing in a relationship to sometimes provide for their partner even if they may not really be in the mood.

laura_friesen

replied on March 10th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

funy cuz i was the same way just a few weeks ago. my man always wanted to have sex and would frusterated when i just wanted to sleep, and it was cuz i just wasnt "in the mood" as much as him and so he talked to me about it cuz i noticed he was kinda getting frusterated and i told him if he got me in the mood instead of just , hey lets do it baby, maybe it get into the mood more. girls need to be preheated first before putting the turkey in ya kno? Im sure u know that but that was my problem, i cant just flick a switch and get in the mood , so yah! Just talk to her hun! good luck!

healthy-model

replied on March 12th, 2007

Experienced User

or you can try to watch porn together. Very Happy

laura_friesen

replied on March 12th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

healthy-model wrote:

or you can try to watch porn together. Very Happy

ya that helps too..hehe

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