the Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Discussion

I have been prematurely ejaculation for about 6 months now with my girlriend. She is my first sexual encounter and i have not had any problem controlling how fast i ejaculate while masturbating, but when it comes to sex it seems like it just comes on in an onslaught wave and that i cant help it at all. We've been trying the start-stop technique, which has worked, but i can never really go fast enough to keep her satisfied. Every time i try to move faster, it becomes harder and harder to control. WIthout stopping and starting i probably last a minute and a half tops, I am 18 years old. Considering my age, would it be pretty weird or unorthodox if i went to a doctor? Would they even treat me? Any tips would be much appreciated

Hello,

I am the wife stuck with PE. It's been going on for several years now ( we have been together for 7 and this started about 4 years ago ) and nothing has ever been done. Tried the stop and go, tried the creams. I was patient for a while, actually a year or so, then i grew sour and now very angry. I know it's wrong of me to feel this way but i feel my sex life is wasted.

Now he tells me he need to stop having any form of sex for a month so he can '' reprogram ''. I have not seen this anywhere as a method and it's only logical to make things worse right ?

I feel like i was neglected all this time. I tried to be nice about it, i tried to ignore it, fake it to boost his ego. Nothing worked.

He said that we needed to have sex more and it was somehow my fault, because i put too much pressure, or that it was only this time, that next time it would be better. But it's hard to want sex if you don't enjoy it right ? So with time i grew cold and nasty and he wacked off and did'nt try to fix it. Talk about a nice relationship.

I have very strong libido and i'm at a point where i see sex everywhere i look. And i have NEVER cheated. EVER.

Besides, we tried having sex more, actually tried four time in about 8 hours and each time it took him less than a minute. I mean COME ON !!!
Now we have toys and he relies on that - say that i can get what i need with these. I see it as a patch only, i don't want to replace real sex with a toy.

I am so angry and frustrated it's beyond what i have ever felt. And i don't ask for a state of the art performance, i only ask for a regular intercourse.

What are the options here ?

Thanks,

I have this problem sometimes. It mainly depends on my mood.
If I really don't feel like sex, but I'm just doing it to get off. then I usually don't last long. But If i'm in a sexual mood and really just wanting to satisfy her and I meen really focus on pleasing her, then I'll last a lot longer. It has a lot to do with your mentality before you even start. it's like something your wanting to do verses something you got to do. sometimes it's just who your having sex with. I've found that sometimes I could be with one girl and not last long at all, then I can be with another girl an last awhile. for example, I was seeing this one girl (she was 23 and I was 34 ) for a few months and she just didn't want to come off of any then one night she decided tonights the night. we was out drinking and came home got in the bed and started having sex, I didn't hit it three licks and got off, it was so embarrassing I just acted like I passed out. then about three weeks later I got with this other woman and she was a 45 year old sex freak. we spent the night at my house grilling and drinking, I wanted her but I was nervous because of my previous performance, and this is the first time I've ever been with an older woman and I just knew she had plenty of experience and this also was the first time she ever had been with a younger man and I just knew she had heard other older women talking about if you want some good sex get a younger man. so all this really began to make me think boy she's gonna be disappointed and I'm gonna be embarrest, boy the pressure was on we began to kiss and you could just feel her passion in her lips and this made me want to satisfy her so bad, well we got started and I just knew I was gonna blow my load, but I began to relax, I guess from the alcohol. into the first five minuets I noticed she was starting to nut, boy what a ego booster after that, another 2 min went by and here we go again she started to nut again, oh smack my head was getting big, she was moaning and groaning and telling me I was so f---ing good and my penis was so big, I'm thinking to my self she's tripping. but it was just what I needed to get my confidence going. to make a long story short I banged that sh-t for 4 hours, no sh-t. in every position you could imagine. never in my life have I made it Past 15 min, and I've been with about 30 different women and some off them more times than I can count. but here I was a minuet man going for 4 hours, we got threw and she said her stuff was so sore, after that if I wanted some I could call her up anytime of day and she would drive 40 miles, bring the alcohol, we'd have sex and I would put it to her for at least 2 hours, she'd get straight up and tell me call me when you want some more, and drive 40 miles back home. honest to god. it's never been that great again since her, I've had a few good times for an hour or two but most of the time, back to being a minuet man. Thanks Pam. My point is I was the same way and still am but There's times I have my moments, And what helped me was drinking some to relax and pam with her passion that put that desire in me to satisfy. I just wanted to tell my story to you all, and let you know don't try so hard just relax and focus on her, focus on her breast, her skin, her touch, her smell what ever it is that makes you wanna please her because It's not all about you, Learn that and you'll learn to control your arrousel, control that and you'll be good to go. peace out and hope you'll all find your pam. Norman ( HBK4UL2N ) Heart Break Kid For You Ladies To Night.

thats good advice, take your time and focus on having fun, seems so stupid but its actualy the best thing I could of done to help me last longer, I was premature before because I would bang away for 3 minutes straight full throtle, it was good but didnt last long.

Was with a girl recenlty and I was thrusting for a good 5 minutes slowly and then I felt I was gonna cum so I pulled out and stopped and she said its okay you dont have to stop their will be plenty of other times, my eyes lit up, I was thinking to myself, woohoo green light to cum as fast as I want, I sould of taken my time but I was to excited at the thought of cumming so I finished it up quick and she almost came but I didnt get the dissapointed feeling from her at all so I was cool wit it.

Take your time
focus on her body not just her vagina
change positions



other methods:
use stud spray
use desensitizing condoms(with penis ring if u want)
smoke a joint
drink some alcohol to calm you down
jerk off before
wear two condoms
relax your pc muscles

these are just some methods that I have tried and helped me and other people have tried and helped them, the joint and alcohol is obviously not a good solution but it does help sometimes and thats the point

All the 'techniques' mentioned are basically have the effect of reducing the enjoyment. Seems like driving slower to make a race last longer or something.

HI,

I have pretty bad PE. I basically will ejaculate inside my wife even if i don't move within a two minutes.

I come fast even if I masterbate alone

I have tried
SSRI's,
start stop masterbation exercises
condoms with desensitizer (the cream hurts and I'll come before it starts to work)

all to novail (very depressing) (I feel like half a man)

Interesting note: It will take me longer to ejaculate if I don't have a condom than if I have one.

now i'm pretty sure that my PE comes from three sources.

1. The muscle responsible for holding my load is weak
2. I guess i have some performance anxiety -- I'm high strung
3. My wife is not interested in sex because she has a self esteem issue (eating disorder) so her windows of sexual acceptance is very small

I know I need to help my wife with her problem first. But I also want to work on my PE problem on my own.

Can I get any suggestions on what I can do to help aleviate my PE problem.

any advice is appreciated

HI I'm sorry to hear about your problems. and I can certainly see your frustration. I think you need to go to therapy with your husband as I can see this spiraling out of control ultimately ending your marriage.

People are perceptive and I'm sure your husband is picking up your dissatisfaction. Hence giving him pressure (not good)

I think it's great that you're not looking at cheating -- from what you're saying i think your husband has a great (patient) wife that is at least open to trying things.

It looks like your husband has situational and not lifelong PE, you need to ask yourself what has changed in his or your life to influence this?

I know pressure (Stress work or otherwise) doesn't help

Hang in there and let me know if you need anything -- I can give a PE sufferer perspective.

hey Knarf,

I have the same problem as you. I am surprise though that the SSRI's didn't work for you. Which kind were u taking? For how long? You didn't notice any difference? I read alot and elsewhere that people who take SSRI's last longer if they have premature ejaculation. It is known as a really effective treatment. You can increase your time dramatically. Even people in this thread say it.
I 'm very curious on SSRI's cause i want to take them to so it can help me last longer. I went to my doctor and he said go see a psychatrist first and make sure everything is ok and then come back and we can start a SSRI's thearapy. So I have to go se that person in Sept. and hopefully i can start the SSRI's soon.
And now I am worried they won't work, cause your the first person that said they haven't work for premature ejaculation...oh boy, i guess i gotta gamble on this one.

hippored, thanks for the mention of Robitussin DXM. I would have never thought, but I guess I'll give it a try, and if it doesn't work, at least I'll have some effective cough syrup on hand Thefact that alcohol, THC, and DXM have all been mentioned as possible treatments for PE seems to shed a sliver of light on what the underlying problem may be.

Hush21, I'm sorry to hear of your woes. I wish I could wrap my arms around you. I know it's tough for you to support a man who is dealing with such a tough issue and I'm sure he is hurting as much as you are. That's why I'm thrilled that we are having this discussion. Never before have I seen so many people come together on the internet and talk about such a frustrating issue. I feel that this discussion certainly will serve to advance knowledge about PE.

That being said, I'd like to shift gears a little bit. I know that everyone is different, but please tell me guys, what is it about sex that you enjoy most. Is it simply the physical sensation of your penis going in and out of your beloved's vagina; is it the emotional connection you feel to your beloved when you're making love; is it the sight of your beloved enjoying her sexuality; is it a combination of all these things; or is it something else altogether? I believe that most people would instinctively say it's the physical sensations in the penis, but if this were the case, then there would be no need for a partner as we could just jack off and there would be no thriving 'adult entertainment' business. Since we suffer from PE, I think that we all have (or should have) a greater appreciation for the physical pleasure potential of other parts of our bodies. For those of you who have never tried it, may I suggest you explore the sensations of touching your partners out ears with your tongue, for example.

Another thing I would like to mention is that a close friend recently shared with me that he feels that I may suffer from Asperger's Syndrome. Up until that point, I was not familiar with Asperger's, but upon doing extensive research, I am well convinced that he is right. Yes, I realize that it's considered bad practice to self-diagnose, but I've been to a number of doctors who diagnosed me with ADD and depression (years ago) who never suggested Asperger's or coping strategies for Asperger's. For those of you who don't know, Asperger's Syndrome is characterized by difficulties in social interaction, narrow interests, obsessive repetition of words and routines, and extensive analytical thinking. Needless to say, most of these traits are not very conducive to getting laid and when your sexual confidence is shaken by something like PE, it can be much worse. Anyhow, I was wondering if anyone else on this thread has Asperger's or knows if there is some relationship between Asperger's and PE.

Take care, everyone. Best regards to all of you!

Hi everybody,

Once again it's been a long time since I've been around.

I see we have some new members and some new successes. That's good.

Drugs, alcohol, cough syrup, numbing agents, penis rings, etc. etc. If it works for you and you've researched and gauged the risks, then I'm happy for you.

I too have found more success. I haven't had much of a problem for awhile now actually. As you may recall I didn't have PE, then was an SSRI and had the opposite of PE, and then came off it to discover I now had PE. My idea was that it had changed my pelvic floor muscles and the reflexes there of. Since I was an SSRI and had difficulty achieving orgasm I had to flex these muscles just to achieve orgasm. After coming off the SSRI they became rather involuntary. Just a touch, push, pull or stroke of my erect penis would cause the muscles to contract. And as many people here have noticed, contracting these muscles bring you to orgasm and ejaculation.

It was because of this that I had my concerns about kegel exercises, aka. PC or BC exercises. I was unsure what the proponents of these exercises were selling. Are they suggesting stronger muscles delay ejaculation? Are they suggesting that strong muscles could physically hold back the ejaculate from escaping through the tubes? Are they suggesting that by exercising these muscles you can gain better control of them and be able to relax them, therefore preventing the involuntary contractions that bring about ejaculation? Are they suggesting that the stronger muscles which also strengthen erections would allow you to maintain an erection after ejaculation so that you could continue on with sex?

I wasn't sure, because all of these seem to be suggested somewhere on the internet and even by people on this forum. Since I had already strengthened my muscles unknowingly when on the SSRI and then had PE afterwards, I certainly didn't want to make them stronger and my problem worse.

However, I decided to take the plunge and try it myself and ask some of the "experts" or proponents. I've been working them out for a few weeks now and have noticed an unexpected result. From some questions I asked, I expected to gain strength, but more importantly control over their contractions. So as to say, I would be able to relax them when I wanted to. It was this relaxation that I expected would allow me to delay ejaculation, however it almost seems that the strength itself helps.

Before, when I masturbated I would always contract these muscles to bring about orgasm. I could stroke away all day if I didn't. But if I contracted these muscles and stroked very fast I could bring myself to orgasm under a minute. So I would expect that stronger muscles would bring about the orgasm even faster, and that only relaxation would delay it. However, now with stronger muscles I still contract them to bring about orgasm, but when I contract them the orgasm seems to take longer.

That's very odd to me. Muscles not contracted, means no orgasm. Muscles contracted means quick orgasm. Stronger muscles contracted means not as quick orgasm. Seems backwards to me, but it's an early noted experience.


However, even that aside I seem to be doing quite well. I have a new partner and that alone seems to be one of the greatest reasons for improvement. Like I've written before, I didn't have PE before SSRI, and when I came off I didn't know I then had it. So when I first slept with someone afterwards it was quite the surprise when I ejaculated in under a minute. Every time with her was quick, even if it were the second of the night. I knew about it for the next partner and so I took steps such as using the positions that I do best in.

I do the same with my new partner, but even missionary which was a problem for me before isn't so bad. My guess is her tightness. Not so much the opening, but inside of her. The first partner after the SSRI was very full and every inch inside of her was firm and surrounding me, so every movement, long or short was stimulating.

My new partner doesn't provide that problem. In missionary I'm an average male performer. And more so, since I purposefully hold out. Put her on top and I don't even have to try.

So remember to find those positions which work best for you and/or your partner. Maybe there's one that makes it easy for her to cum, but harder for you. You can also use different methods for movement, not just different positions. It's not guaranteed, because all women are different, but I often find most women are clitorally orgrasmic and not vagincally orgasmic. So while a full in and out stroke might feel the best to you, a close shorter stroke might feel better to her. The added bonus is that with the shorter movements you get less stimulation and can last longer.

I learned that one when I didn't have PE. One of my partners would wrap her legs around me so tightly while I was in the missionary position that I couldn't even move. I was trying to perform strokes, but she squeezed me right to her body so that my movements were stimulating her clitoris. Ever since I've always pushed against them in missionary and have done a circular motion as opposed to an in-out stroke. You can also do the stroke and then push close and do small circles when you need to relax and hold back ejaculation.

For girls that enjoy vaginal orgasms, I prefer to be standing with her at the edge of the bed. The standing greatly improves my ability to hold off ejaculation. It also means my erect penis which is parallel to the ground in this position will be pulling up because an erection is upright as opposed to straight out. So the force of it wanting to pull up gives better pressure to the top of her vaginal canal, which is where the g-spot is.

So I'm currently enjoying good sex, without much PE. When most of the sex is non-penetrative, and most of it is for her, and more than 70% of the orgasms are hers...who can complain even I were?

So far it just involves exercising the BC muscles.

You do the routine once a day. Contract and hold for 15 seconds, relax for 10, repeat about 60-70 times. However, you don't do that from the start. To start you might contract for 2 seconds, and only do it 20 times. Then increase the number of times you do it, and how long you hold over the next few weeks. Take your time.

There's also different muscles. I've found about 4 or so that I can control individually to an extent. However, you should at least be able to control it enough to contract the front and back individually, which you might not be able to do at first.

The back is basically your anus. Contract it in and follow the regimen above until you can do the longer and higher reps.

The front surrounds your penis and testicles. You might notice when you contract that your penis pulls in some.

Exercise them separately until you can do the full count with each muscle. Once you can do that and do it for a number of days, then you can contract them both at the same time, again working your way up to the full count.

Another usually obvious muscle is in the center, you can contract this when you're exercising either of the others.

Edit: Also note that the delay I felt is when masturbating and contracting these muscles. It used to be that I would contract them to reach orgasm. That is still the case, but even though I contract them to bring about orgasm it seems a little slower. I haven't noticed any increased duration during sex that I can attribute to these exercises.

I too have a hard time keeping up with them. I forget to do them days at a time. Maybe I should set an alarm to remind me.

I'm 18 and I've experienced PE since I first tried anything.

I too have ejaculated before penetration, so I basically gave up on sex for the past few years. When I masturbate, I can get off in less than 25 seconds usually.

I've been wanting to see my doctor about my PE for at least 3 years now, but I never have out of fear of being told there is nothing anyone can do. I've done countless hours of research on PE and I have never found anything besides "it can't be treated".

I just found this place today, and I actually feel better knowing I'm not the only one with PE. I get very depressed even around my best friend whenever he talks about sex, because I know that isn't me. I'm also afraid that I will be laughed at, or talked about, if I fell into a relationship.

When I was early 17, my friends were talking about ecstacy and sex. They said while on E you sometimes can't reach ejaculation. I became very curious about this, and I became an addict to E because whenever I fooled around with anyone I could go for up to 10 minutes. It felt unbelievably amazing. Unfortunately I went to far with my use and ended up in a rehabilitation centre. I wouldn't reccomend doing this, it isn't worth it. (the long term effects). I also noticed in the following months of getting over my addiction I hated myself and everyone in my life because I have PE.

Since then, I had a fiance at late 17, but I left him because he wanted to have sex too much, and I was running out of excuses for why I would ejaculate to quick.

But back to the E, why can't whatever is in that be mass marketed or used to cure PE problems?

I've been accepting the fact that I may never get to have a full sexual experience in my life, but every now and then it all comes back to me and hits me hard. (no pun intended)

I decided reading this topic I'll book a doctors appointment right away, unless specified otherwise.

Also, one last thing, is any experimental procedures reccomended? I'm talking about crystal healing, psychic healing, etc. Open minded procedures? I am from a faith based on more open minded conscious living, maybe some of you men are too?

Wishing everyone the best of luck!

As far as alternative medicines, mind over matter is an extremely potent ability. Humans can block out pain, change their heart rate, blood pressure, and many other things. Women can convince themselves they are pregnant and even develop symptoms. Monks in Tibet can increase their skin temperature so much that they dry towels on their backs sitting outside in winter.

So I think it could be possible to mentally conquer PE... anything is possible. I wouldn't know how to start, but it could be possible.

Canadusan, if using the mind is your way of doing things then maybe you could look into or try hypnosis and subliminal messages, etc. Don't know if that's the same as what you're thinking, but I know they exist for PE.

Johnzhack, I've never tried either of those. But why don't you? It's got to have something to it and it'll be a learning experience.