the Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Discussion

Hey everyone-

First of all, I just want to say how relieving it is to have found a place where real people with real problems talk so openly and honestly. This is seriously the Eden, so to say, that I could've used years ago. It seems like up until this point every place I went for help on this topic just tried to sell me something.

I guess it is only appropriate to give some information on myself. I am a 19 year old male, attending college. I've suffered from PE for the entirety of my sexual life (starting around 15). Also, it should be noted that as of a year ago I have also suffered from panic attacks, which just recently developed into GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). Although I have been very proactive (and successful!) in coping with and improving my anxiety, I have never found any solace in my fight against PE. In fact, I don't think it would be much of a stretch to say that my current anxiety issues are directly resultant of my PE, or at least in part due to.

For me, PE is completely psychological. It's all about my nerves getting worked up, my mind working overtime, and irrational and intrusive thoughts cluttering all of my senses. For example, while masturbating to porn I often imagine how the guy in the video could please my girlfriend much more than I ever could. All of the girl's moans in the video become my girlfriend's moans. I can't get the thought out of my head that if I don't improve sexually, it's only a matter of time until the girl who means everything to me ends up with a guy like this.

When in bed with my girlfriend, I often have a lot of anticipatory anxiety. So, if I know that we will probably be having sex, or even have a chance to have sex, I will get myself nervous about it far before the time actually arrives. It's at times like these that all of those intrusive thoughts start up. The thoughts about my lacking sexually, and her need for a man like in all of the videos you see online. Often times, when we do have sex, I will imagine myself being the guy from the video. In a sense, this really demoralizes me, even frightens me, and this is usually when the urge to ejaculate reaches its peak.

I would say during an average sexual experience with my girlfriend, I can hold out for a couple of minutes. That's only if I go extremely slow and really concentrate on keeping those intrusive thoughts out of my head. If I ever were to just go at it, I couldn't see me lasting much longer than 10 seconds.

It should be noted, however, that I do seem to have a point where, if I manage to reach it, all of my anxiety subsides and I am actually able to enjoy sex. This has only happened a handful of times, but it really is a godsend. It's like stepping into the shoes of someone without PE for once. I can't even describe the happiness I feel when this happens (and I'm sure my girlfriend feels the same way!). During these few occasions, I have been able to have sex for as long as I want (even over an hour) and even when I do cum, it is completely voluntary. It has been quite some time since my last experience like this. If only I could find some way to integrate this calm state of mind into every experience.

I am hoping that with the relief I have felt after finding this site, and all of the valuable and supportive information here, I will be able to overcome this problem. And, I also hope that through my experience and progress, I will be able to help some of you as well!

Thank you all so much,
Mitch

Have you talked to your girlfriend about this? It would help alot. Also I found that doing the deep breathing exercises actually really helps and I'm much more calm and relaxed. I would say try to focus on just your girlfriend and how much you love eachother. Just look at her during intercourse and realize that its only you two, nothing else. Her mind won't be straying, so don't worry about it.

If it helps, I believe you're one of the lucky ones who can pinpoint what triggers his PE and have been able to overcome in on occasion. I'm set in stone that my PE is purely physiological, which is much harder to treat save desensitizing creams.

Im an 18 year old with. Recently i started having problems with PE during sex. It kind of came out of nowhere for when i started having sex it was not this big of a problem. I have slightly large varicose veins on the left side of my penis which is medically known as varicocele. Im afraid that the veins may be affecting muscles or other organs. I have also now been experiencing some urinary problems as well. this includes incomplete drainage and slight dripping. I'm considering having surgery on the varicocele because I'm afraid this may have an effect on whats going on. Can anyone provide any suggestions? much appreciated

Hey Guys.

So I think my PE may be connected to my fear of losing my erection. Every time I go for a condom or put one on I immediately feel less hard and when I'm inside my girlfriend I feel like I am going to lose my erection. When I am with myself I can keep an erection forever even when I'm completely relaxed. But when I'm inside my girlfriend I feel like I'm going to go soft so I try to arouse myself more which in turn makes me cum. I feel like if I could relax while inside her and not have to worry about keeping my erection my PE would be reduced a lot. Is there anything I can do about this? Should I take a generic Viagra or something like that? But if I do take something like that do you think it will just make my PE worse by making me more sensitive and aroused?

Also, the supplement "Deferol" has gotten pretty good reviews on drugstore.com and I was wondering if anybody has tried it or thought about trying it?

Sam.. I would say to avoid any drugs, no matter your problem, I feel their is a solution to it without drugs, and if there isn't, its only because no one has figured it out. But there is a first for everything..

I am not following Rocketman's exact plan but I have increased my Kegel time, I just clinch it for as long as I can, and when I feel I may be loosening up, I just tighten up the best I can, and I can make it around 20-30 seconds.

I do not feel watching porn trains you to go quicker? I think it just arouses you too much and makes it harder to maintain control, but I want it to be hard, because the harder you work, the better the results.

I have already seen improvements with my girlfriend and I:

Last night, she spent the night, started off with head, lasted only about a minute, nothing special but hey its better.. second time around, I cannot come to anything but sex, and even then as long as I just stay relaxed I see a very big improvement.

I finally told my gf about my problem and it was such a relief I think and a good thing to tell her, it helps out with the situation a lot and its good that she understands, she prefers me lasting very short compared to forever like the second time around, but for some reason I cannot make myself go the second time around, after just going for awhile I get numb and lose feeling pretty much, anyone had this problem?


@Mitch

Your problem seems to be just mental man, control your thoughts, relax, mind over body and it seems like if you can do that you're straight? I am sure if you talk with your girlfriend, get all of that stuff out into the open and talk it out with her a lot of your problems will go away or will at least ease up a bit. I have always felt fearing PE is one of the biggest contributions to PE >.< which once you run into the problem one time it just goes downhill from their because of the things your mind tells you to think.

hi guys this is my first post here
well i dont know if i have pe i mean it happened to me before like in one night stands but when in in a relationship with my gf i usually be more relaxed and have an normal sex life

so i broke up with my girl 7 months a go and didnt get lucky i was kinda depressed and shut my self down didnt care about any other girls around

anyways i met a girl well she camed to me actually well im 29 years old she is 37 and i mean she is hot hotter than any of my gf

after 7 months i had sex and like i predicted i came early she said its ok
then a week later we did it again i lasted for 5 minutes she didnt have an orgasm
at first i thought i have an pe problem or maybe my penis is not big enouf for her
well which is not true let me tell you why

we went on a vacation together first 2 nights sex was so great i never heard a women screamed that much before well my tactic was we were both very very drunk and i used disentecizing condoms (watch these things if you are using alchol sometimes you might loose your erection it happened to me )
so i finally pull my self together after that
hell yeah i have no problem at least i thought
well last week we had sex again after 5 minutes she stopped me i dont know why
i asked she said i dont feel like it well its kinda frustrating becouse i definetly think that there is something wrong with me
well so in the morning we had sex again and i came in 30 seconds coudnt believe it
it was so emberassing

so this made me investigate i looked for kegel exercises start and stop technique
breathing exercise and antidepressants

well i searched for anti depressants and bought one named lustral

i was gonna use it but the side effects made me think twice and i really think that mental healt is more important than my sex life
side effects are
dizzyness, sore throt , sweating , you might not sleep, you dont get hungry,some heart conditions maybe. and delaying ejeculation if you can erect

so i was gonna test it tomorrow night but after i investigated i got cold feet

well i bought stud 100 today havent tried it yet i hope it helps me becouse im about to loose my mind if i came early again

does anybody know what happens if i used stud 100 after i get drunk ?
im asking becouse it will be frustrating if i loose my erection
and some web sites says that stud 100 helps erection and some web sites says it just nubs the penis thats all
any side effects of stud 100 with alcohol usage
anybody tried that?

thanx

After many weeks of training i didnt get any improvement, except by masturbation. When the real thing come, its the same thing as usual.

I am now on Zoloft since 10 days ago. Started at 25mg for 3 days and now at 50mg doses, daily. I had NO side effects exept ejaculation delay. It helps alot to control myself, masturbating with porn with total control. After 30 min i decided when to, and it works. Didnt tried the real thing, exept oral; before it was 1-3min and now after 20min she was starting to be tired so i went off when i decided, again.

I continue the exercises, even with medication. I will try stopping in a couple of weeks, to see the difference.

I is a personnal choice, i dont tell anyone to start that. I am telling you what happens with zoloft. My doc said that there is really no problems with that dose.

Hello,

I've been reading through everything...excellent stuff. I've seen this questions asked a few times, but cannot find detailed instrcutions on how to do a reverse klegal / relax this muscle during sex/masturabation.

I'm not being lazy, just require a descriptive response on how to do this...should my stomach muscles get tight / am I trying to take a piss / anus should be loose/tight..etc...any type of mental routine you have put together to perfect this exercise

All responses appreciated...thanks.

@Mitch

Well thats awesome dude, glad to hear things are turning up for you, like I said, a lack of self-confidence is not a good way to start anything, but definitely not a good way to getting over PE, but thats awesome you found your mentality to keep while having fun.

@Darock_sayz

I too have asked the question and not really seen many results, but the best way I can tell you to total relaxation, which is what I believe a reverse Kegel is, is to get comfortable with not just when your PC is being flexed or not flexed, but also different variations, because muscles don't work either all the way or none, it can kind of be tightened or pretty tight but not completely, you know? I would say just do a lot of Kegels (but dont over-do) and really understand what it feels like to be COMPLETELY relaxed, and when you might be tightening your PC muscle slightly without realizing, because I catch myself when doing stuff slightly tightening my PC which is just as bad as tightening it all the way.

OK, I'm new to this forum, and it looked pretty decent so...well, here's my situation;

I'm 21 years old and very inexperienced. I met a girl in America and we've now been dating for almost 6 months.

We met up in Vegas for my 21st birthday in September and, naturally we both wanted a lot of sex. Since I hand't seen her since June, it's fair to say we were both looking forward to the intimacy...but guess what got in the way...P.E!

It felt so awkward! At times, we would be connected for 2 minutes and I'd go...there would also be times when we didn't even connect and I'd go (she was pretty tight after not seeing me for a while, so penetrating itself became a slight issue). We really wanted to start exploring new things too, but her...tightness and my P.E just got so much in the way...it really depressed us both (very frustrating too.)

Since I'm not seeing her now until December, I really wanna train to make it work and ultimately last longer! I'll try anything sensible that's guaranteed to make me last more than 2 minutes! Before meeting her in Vegas, I had been practising the highly acclaimed "stop-start" method, but with no real success. I am now trying my own method and doing nothing (yep, no masturbation what so ever!)- I'm just worried about this though...would it make me last longer, or would the holding back just make P.E occur even faster than before???

Any help would be appreciated. I really wanna make our intimate times special, especially when she visits me in England!

earthworm_gym - your situation isn't uncommon. start reading bro. maybe start around page 30 or so. lots of very helpful information from roughly around there. especially with posts from john414 i believe.

an update with me. yes i've been masturbating with my fleshlight with porn and man i find it harder and harder to do. i failed miserably a few times and just decided to slow it down. now i use porn to get up and then i turn off the porn and masturbate slowly and a very steady pace. every few minutes i would turn the porn back on and watch for a little bit, then turn it back off and then just go back masturbating without porn. i try to last at least 10 minutes. i've been successful the last 4 times and i really feel i'm making some progress. i can feel my PC being relaxed. I try to do king's kegel exercises 4-5 times a week.

awesome progress guys!. I love this board it is seriously the only place on the web tackling this problem the right way. Keep it going guys and keep on posting the good news.

and by the way i'm still doing great so this pc relaxation thing is the real deal!

and to any one who hasn't had success don't give up! I felt the same exact way you did, I was a 5 second man. If i can do it without any drugs or creams any one can.

Hi guys,

I'll try and give a clear answer to the question (there is a lot of reading back there!) and I fully believe relaxing the PC is the key. Other systems may work, but don't get to the physiological root of the problem.

So, a Kegel is tightening the muscle/s that stop your flow while urinating. A reverse Kegel is tightening your abdominal muscles as if you were trying to have a crap, which causes your PC muscle to relax and stretch out. To avoid cumming early (or at all!) this PC muscle must stay relaxed, by any means you can achieve it.

Reverse Kegels are an exercise to help you be able to relax the PC during sex. Many men (me included) find that if they do a reverse Kegel during sex it makes you cum then and there.

Doing long Kegels (1 minute x 5) makes the PC muscle really strong, which gives you better erections, and, ironically, better control over relaxing it when you want to. BUT, you must do reverse Kegels in between your Kegels or else your PC muscle will end up tight all the time - you only want to strengthen it to be able to relax it!

I find that John414's suggestion of letting your abs relax (let your belly hang forward) helps greatly in relaxing your PC during sex. Sexual arousal makes it harder to relax my PC (the cause of all the trouble), but as the muscle gets stronger I can control it better.

I was doing literally hundreds of short Kegels a day with almost no improvement in control, but after a week of long (1 minute+) Kegels I have a vast improvement in control.

It is great to part of this forum. Keep posting successes (don't just disappear when you've worked it out!) I'm not there yet, but I feel I'm on the right track.

Jimmster

there we go jimm it's all about the long kegel holds and inbetween doing the reverse kegels!

I love it.. great explanation!

I feel like I have a pretty strong PC but I can only hold my PC tightly for like 30 seconds. I can keep it moderately clenched for over a minute but if I contract it as hard as I can I can only keep it contracted like this for 30 seconds.

Are you guys fully contracting for a full minute or just partially contracting?

PC relaxation has really helped me. Doing reverse kegels during intercourse is key for me and I can already last longer by doing these.

I too have have stressfull ejaculation problem, i am always too quick to ejaculate, there was when i was about to put on the condom onto my penis and my wife waiting and i ejaculated even before the condom was half rolled. I know its a challenge for me to satisfy my wife, i recently tried herbal last longer pills for free from the internet,just pay for the delivery charge, they dont work in a day but after like a week or so i began to see some results, after like 3 penetrations i came ,well its at least a little better .

OK, so can someone give me good advice on reverse kegel/kegel exercises and when it's good to do each one.

I get the impression that reverse kegels are good during the day and kegels are good at night....correct??

Yeah, any routine that anyone has with kegels etc. would be awesome!

To add the the relaxed PC theory...

When I wake up I can last forever /sex / masturbation whatever....always nice and relaxed....later in the day my PE acts up. It might make sense that PC muscle is relaxed in the morning like all muscles from waking up ?


Do people use the reverse kegal exercise during the act of sex as well, kind of like the start and stop technique ?

Also - trying to perfect my reverse kegal...couple more questions...Does the PC muscle move at all or is it just overall downward pressure, if it feels like I making myself take a piss, am I doing it wrong ?

thanks again!