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NYC216

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the Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Discussion Posted: 03-07-07 00:35am


It's so severe that i can't even get it in without cuming. Meaning everytime i'm with a girl and it's about to go down I end up cuming in my pants 90% of the time. It's so embaressing. And when i masturbate on my own I cum less than 2min. It's been like this since i been sexually active. I am 22yr old now. I have no problem getting women or laid. But I have been celibate for awhile do to my problems cause it's so embaressing and i get so depressed. I miss having a girl so much. PE is so depressing and i want it to end so i can be able to satisfy women and enjoy sex. I have tried kegals and techniques , but nothing seems to work. My next step is aiming towards some kind of SSRI's cause i heard they work. If there is anyone out there that can help me or have some kind of technique to follow that will work i would really appreaciate it...thanks P.S. Is anyone as bad as me?

POM82

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Posted: 03-07-07 08:14am


My problem isnt as bad as yours, I can penetrate for 2 or 3 minutes before the partys over, Its really embarrasing, I know what you mean man. Its sux having this problem but we cant give up, IMO after all the things Ive tried to overcome pe, even though I may not want to admit it, the best way to overcome it is to practice, practice practice, its a catch 22, I hold back from sleeping with girls because of the emabarrasement afterwards but the only way to get better and learn control(naturally) is to sleep with girls. Im single so it makes it difficult to meet a girl for one night and know that by the end of the night if we sleep together ill have to be ashamed of what happened. I think it comes down to swallowing your pride and being honest so you dont have to make up stupid lies as to why you got off so ealry.

NYC216

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Posted: 03-07-07 11:50am


ya i hear ya, but man it's hard to admit it to a girl. I have before and she stop talking to me. One of the girls spread the news around i was a minute man. So i think i'm going to keep that closed for now until i can last longer. I'll take even 10min. anything , but cuming in the pants or rightr when i get in. Have you tried any SSRI's? Well i think the only technique that could work is the stop and start over a long period of time. i mean it makes sense, but i guess i'm not trying long enough. i gave that 1 whole month, but it didn't work...what should we do man?

change is good

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Posted: 03-07-07 13:00pm


have either of you tried a desensitizing cream? or masturbating before trying to have sex with a partner? i wish i had more advice. good luck and keep trying.

POM82

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Posted: 03-07-07 15:17pm

NYC216 wrote:

i mean it makes sense, but i guess i'm not trying long enough. i gave that 1 whole month, but it didn't work...what should we do man?

It didnt work?? Im about to try that just as soon a I can get this girl in the sack, she knows about my problem but she doesnt really want to help, IM trying to convince her. Im also gonna start doing kegels on a daily basis, I hae doing them cause it feels so weird but I ready that it helps, this is my plan now.

But you didnt notcie any improvment over 1 month?

and Change is good: yes I have tried desensitzing cream but I went soft after 10 minutes cause I couldnt feel anything and this is not the approach I want to take to solving my problem.
Thanks for the suggestions though

Stan

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Posted: 03-07-07 16:54pm


Try using it on just the glans.

NYC216

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Posted: 03-07-07 19:59pm


forget creams. that doesn't cure the problem. I'm looking for a cure or some kind of permenant improvement. I guess i'll keep doing the stop and start for a while , more than a month and hopefully my penis and brain get what i'm trying to tell them.

HealthySex

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Posted: 03-08-07 12:43pm


Sorry that I can't help you much right now as I'm working on other health concerns. Ideally, I would like to create a formula that may work for many men. But here's a few things... 1. Anxiety is not the only cause of PE. However, even if it is not the cause it can exacerbate it. Low serotonin is also not the only cause, but if it is a 5-htp or a pharmaceutcal grade Tryptophan supplement may help. The product you ask about (climanax) contains 5-htp, some b-vitamins to work with it, and passion flower for anxiety. All those ingredients can probably be bought cheaper if you want. If your PE makes you really anxious, this may benefit you even if your PE is not caused by serotonin or anxiety as it serves to relax you. However, if that's not your cause it won't likely be a cure. It may help to relax you though. Passion flower or L-theanine is a good supplement for relaxing. 2. There's a book called Coping With Premature Ejaculation. It talks about 9 different types of PE, helps you identify yours, and helps you treat it based on your types. I can't vouch for it, but it'd probably be helpful in determining your type and a good plan of attack. Reviews seem positive. 3. High histamine levels have been shown to be present in men with PE. You can have your doctor check your histamine levels and perhaps a treatment. If your doc prescribes anti-histamines, I'd not recommend that. Drugs are last resort in my book as I think you should control things naturally with diet, exercise, etc. Methionine, an amino acid, blocks the conversion of histidine, another amino acid, into histamine. So with research it's possible that a methionine supplement could lower your histamine levels. Either way, I'd work with a doctor to monitor how the levels are going. 4. Prostate problems can cause PE, such as prostate infection. A doctor could run several tests to determine if you have an infection and give you treatment. You may also want to ask the doctor about prostate massage as I understand that massage in conjuction with antibiotics work better towards dealing with the infection, because the infection can be locked away free from the antibiotics. While massage opens it up to receive the medicine. The doctor can offer advice for that and even massages. You might also want to ask about prostate massagers such as those offered by High Island Health. Perhaps these along with the medicine would help the infection from being locked away free from antibiotics. Saw Palmetto is a good supplement for general prostate health if that's a concern for you. You might want to also ask the doctor about other health problems that can cause PE. Wouldn't hurt to rule out physical problems. 5. If you're going the SSRI route I'd suggest finding a doctor that uses them often specifically for PE. Perhaps a sexual therapist that has many techniques for PE and has worked with SSRI's before. Some are taken daily, while others are taken before performance. It'd help to know as much as possible so that you can choose the formula right for you. There may also be other techniques to learn while using SSRI's, especially if there is an eventual withdrawal from the drugs. 6. Kegels act to strengthen the pelvic muscles, but you might find that relaxing them is more important. If you find a program that suggest PC exercises, it should also suggest relaxation. Many quick answers for PE suggest doing PC exercises, but you might find some say that it makes it worse. Why? I'm not completely sure, but it may be that the tightened PC muscles affect or stimulate your prostate which plays a role in spurring ejaculation. Personally, when I want to ejaculate I flex my PC muscles. When I want to hold off, I relax them. During hand jobs or dry hand masturbation, it's nearly necessary to flex my PC to achieve orgasm. You might find people say that strong PC's allow you to literally hold in the ejaculation. If that's possible, they must have extremely extremely extremely strong PC muscles. I've flexed mine very tightly and though it slows, it eventually wins and shoots out. Also, holding back your ejaculate might still put you into the refractory period. That's the period after your ejaculation where you are no longer aroused, lose erection, and sexual interest in general. There's a spot on your perineum that if you press right when you're about to ejaculate it will block the flow of the semen. The semen is then supposedly rerouted backwards into the bladder. For one, I cannot comment on the health of this and two, I've done it myself and though it worked, I still went into the refractory period and lost erection. It was during masturbation, so perhaps during arousing sex it would be different. If you find more info on the safety of it, perhaps you'd like to try it. To test the PC flexing theory (if you haven't already noticed it yourself) perhaps you can do a test. Masturbate yourself very slowly to ejaculation with your PC relaxed. Lying comfortably on your back will probably aid in this, and don't tense any of your muscles up. I say do it slowly because you want to approach orgasm, but not pass it. So take your time the whole time and as you get closer, slow even more. Then bring yourself to the brink, stop masturbating and completely relax, especially your PC. Do you ejaculate? If so, keep experimenting, you might have just gone too far. If not, bring yourself to orgasm again while remaining relaxed, especially your PC. This time, when you're at the brink stop masturbating but flex and tense your PC this time. Do you ejaculate? It is my idea that you will ejaculate with a tensed PC more likely than if you were relaxed. I'm not saying it's fact, as it is something I've noticed. You might also find those who say PC exercises will make PE worse, perhaps for that very reason. So if you are going to learn more about the PC and exercises, I'd hope you'd find one that promotes relaxing of the PC, not just strengthening and tensing to hold back ejaculation. Doing some experimentation with relaxation and tensing may help you see if that is indeed the case for you. If you do find one that says that let me know. 7. Positions. This one is related to the PC predicament mentioned above. Different positions will often cause different results for ejaculatory performance. Missionary position might be worse for many and it may be because it is difficult to remain relaxed and keep the PC from being tensed in this position. Positions where the girl is responsible for the movement are likely best. Girl-on-top allows you to remain still, lying, and relaxed. Keep your PC and legs relaxed as possible. 8. It's possible that your problem is psychological in some way. Current stress, generalized anxiety, etc. Or it could be that PE is physiological, but it's stress has added a psychological factor to it. You may want to talk to a therapist, your doctor, or sex therapist about finding help. 9. A little help for you in the meantime is to see sex as more than just penetration. I understand you want to be able to have sex longer and even bring a woman to orgasm through penetration, though. However, if you get yours and she gets hers, no matter how that is done, won't that help some? It won't cure your PE, but maybe you'll feel better that you at least gave her pleasure. Over time you might relax some as you continue to be together and provide pleasure for both parties, helping your PE's psychological factors. 10. Alternative medicine, such as herbs. The product mentioned above would fall into that category, as well as many other herbal products being sold. I wonder about some myself, but can't vouch for any as I haven't tried any. If you have an accupuncturist or chinese herbalist in your area perhaps you'd see what they can do or offer. I'm not saying getting poked with needles, it's just that accupuncturist often use herbs and heal problems at their source. Chinese herbalism has many herbs that tone areas that may help PE such as the kidneys or astringents (holding in fluids). Google, Ron Teeguarden. You'll find a couple sites that sell many of his products as well as tons of info on many herbs. One is dragonherbs, the other is yahweh something or other. Use their search functions with Premature Ejaculation to find what herbs help. They don't have specific formulas, but the herbs may say why they help. Toning kidneys, calming the spirit, atringing fluids, etc. They also often contain what other herbs they're combined with to help certain conditions, such as PE. This might help you better understand how these formulas work as you'll notice what the combos are and what each herb does. Perhaps it's a combo of herbs that do the same thing, or a combo that covers other possible factors. After you've learned some, talk to an herbalist (if you want to try the herbal route) about making a custom formula with their help or buying something they have premade. You might also want to research GABA, a supplement. I forget exactly what it does, but I've seen it recommended in a book by the author when he wants to last longer. I've also seen it in a PE formula to be taken before performance, along with other herbs I've read to be beneficial such as Cordyceps, Rhodiola, Shizandra and Lycium. There's also a study with a anxiety drug that helps PE and it is believed to be it's effect on GABA levels in the body. 11. Practice. If you're someone with little experience it may just mean you need some more time. Use a sex toy to better replicate sex and maybe over time you can achieve better results. Experience isn't a cure for PE, it's just that some have PE or have PE worsened simply from inexperience. The experience will teach you more about your reflexes too and perhaps how to relax and control. Hmmm, think that's about it. Sorry I can't offer more help. I have some ideas on formulas I'd like to create, but can't now due to other health concerns. I'm also not an herbalist, so I can't make them for others to try. Oh yeah, lastly, there's a product by the company that makes Maxoderm. I think it's called vivamax. I saw a commercial on tv and checked out their site. The maxoderm site gives it as a gift with Maxoderm, but you can find it's own site as well with more info and sold by itself. It's a cream to be used daily as well as for performance time, less as time goes on. They claim it's not a desensitizing cream, so that's better than other creams if that's true. Can't offer any testimony to it, but I figure a man with a problem likes to know all possible avenues. It's supported by a money back guarantee, so...if you want, give it a try. If anyone does try it, let us know.

POM82

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Posted: 03-08-07 14:11pm

HealthySex wrote:

Sorry that I can't help you much right now as I'm working on other health concerns. Ideally, I would like to create a formula that may work for many men.

To test the PC flexing theory (if you haven't already noticed it yourself) perhaps you can do a test. Masturbate yourself very slowly to ejaculation with your PC relaxed. Lying comfortably on your back will probably aid in this, and don't tense any of your muscles up. I say do it slowly because you want to approach orgasm, but not pass it. So take your time the whole time and as you get closer, slow even more. Then bring yourself to the brink, stop masturbating and completely relax, especially your PC. Do you ejaculate? If so, keep experimenting, you might have just gone too far. If not, bring yourself to orgasm again while remaining relaxed, especially your PC. This time, when you're at the brink stop masturbating but flex and tense your PC this time. Do you ejaculate? It is my idea that you will ejaculate with a tensed PC more likely than if you were relaxed. I'm not saying it's fact, as it is something I've noticed. You might also find those who say PC exercises will make PE worse, perhaps for that very reason.

I can testify to this, If I clench my pc muscle on the point of cumming its sure that I blow it, but if its relaxed I feel more in control. However I started doing them to see ehat results they give. Hope its something positive.

Thanks for all the info healthysex, are u a doctor or something?

HealthySex

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Posted: 03-08-07 14:25pm


No problem. What results have you noticed from kegels? Also, did you purchase a program that deals specifically with PE? And if so, does it promote relaxing the PC or attempting to hold the ejaculation back by pinching off the flow with your PC? No, I'm not a doctor. I'm just an analytical person and have been in alternative medicine for quite some time. So the combination of extensively researching things when needed and learning unrelated things over the years has built a bit of knowledge as well as ideas of where to begin searching.

POM82

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Posted: 03-08-07 14:39pm


So far, no results, I dont have a steady girlfirend so I have to wait til I reel one in, I didnt buy a program, I just searched the web in tons of paces that talk about kegels and none of them discuss relaxing. I came across Kegel exercises and now Im confused...check it outIm still going to continue to do them though. I want to see for myself. Ill let everyone know the results.

HealthySex

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Posted: 03-08-07 19:32pm


Yep, that sounds right to me. It even mentions my thought that it has to do with prostate stimulation from strong PC clenching. You might want to find a program that suggests the exercises along with relaxing them. I just don't think pinching off the flow of ejaculation is really possible. If it is, it must take some really strong muscles, because mine are strong and I can't do that. If there are other reasons to do the exercise, but still a need for relaxing for control, then I'd want to make sure I followed those instructions as opposed to just clenching away. There are also more muscles in that area and those programs that sell PE Exercise cures often state the importance of doing it right. Of course, the purpose is to garner sales, so...grain of salt and all that.

MandM

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Posted: 03-08-07 22:34pm


Hello all, I've been suffering from PE my whole life, and of course it's been very frustrating. I've spent numerous hours studying and researching this topic to no avail. It seems like there are many different forms of PE. Some regimens work for some people and others don't. I was reading a book about PE and it seems like I have neurological PE, which to me, seems to be the worst kind. I've tried a lot of things, and most have failed miserably. The only thing that seems to work for me is a good desensitizer. It makes me feel a little more confident. I'd like to think that my PE is pretty severe, with no aid, I could probably last under 10 seconds. NYC216, I feel your pain, I've cum before penetration a couple of times and it's awful. I do think I would last a little bit longer if we'd skip any foreplay But I've been lucky since I've had a very supportive lady (Fiance). And I am also able to get it back up very quickly, and last much longer. At the end of the day, she is definately satisfied, and that's what counts for this situation, no matter how you go about it. For everyone else with PE, don't you wish that you could last longer while getting head? That's probably the best feeling in the world, and nothing is more sexier than a girl going down on you. But the second her tongue touches me, the cannons fire. I wish I could one day have the opportunity to see what it feels like for just one minute straight. I also agree about the Kegels. Doing those excercises are supposed to make your ejaculation reflex even quicker. I tried those for awhile, didn't help PE, but I think that the actual orgasim is much stronger I pasted this link of a thread that I started about Sensitivity and PE if anyone wants to take a look. It would be nice to keep a good discussion going on. Especially if many people are trying different regimens. I know that I have a whole lot more to discuss http:// pregnancy.ehealthforum.com/health/topic791 15.html

POM82

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Posted: 03-09-07 08:13am


Once when I was about to come I pushed just a little above my anus and it stop the ejaculate from coming out, I dont rememeber if I lost my erection or not but I stoppped my self from cumming anyways, this is proabbaly what a strong pc muscle does only the muscle clenches te urethra and stops ot from coming out but that doesnt mean you wont lose your erection afterwards. NYC: How long have you been doing your kegels for? Does it help you in the least bit to maintain control like they say everywhere on the net? Thanks and there shoould be a stciky on PE so we dont have to keep creating new threads.

HealthySex

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Posted: 03-09-07 08:50am


POM, I too have pressed on a similar spot to stop ejaculation. It was between the testicles and anus (perineum, taint, gooch, what ever you like to call it). So it is indeed where the PC muscles are. Even it stopped ejaculation, it did not stop the refractory period, so I lost erection and desire. It wasn't during sex so it's possible that through arousal I'd be able to maintain erection. I also find that after ejaculation my penis is extremely sensitive. Not sensitive like feels good, but sensitive like an extreme tickle. It's not painful at all, but it's uncomfortable to the point of wanting to stop all movement. Sort of like when you were tickled to death as a kid. Feels good in a way, but too extreme. Stopping ejaculation by pressing on that spot still brought this on, but not quite as much. MandM, I see in your other thread you've read "Coping with Premature Ejaculation." What did you think about the book? Would it help people determine their PE type and a plan of treatment? You also mentioned that it spoke of kegel exercises. Does it recommend a pinching off of the ejaculation flow with strong PC muscles, or does it recommend relaxing the PC? If it does recommend relaxing the PC's, how does that fit with the strengthening of them through kegel exercises?

NYC216

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Posted: 03-09-07 10:56am


Hey Mandm, Damn man you sound like me. I'm pretty much the same way. Hey have u tried the stop and start technique? or any SSRI's? Or climinax.com ? There has to be way to fix this problem. Do you think we have this cause of early childhood forced masturbation? I'm not to crazy about numb creams. I'm looking to permantley fix this damn problem. I'm glad i met someone similar to my problem. keep the thread going.

POM82

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Posted: 03-09-07 12:17pm


OK well I fell for it again LOL. Ive bought another pill except this one contains saw plametto and yohimbe, two things which ive heard that are good for PE. I'll let you all know if this stuff works. Heres to hoping.

HealthySex

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Posted: 03-09-07 16:33pm


The products you bought also contain Griffonia Seed (5-htp), affecting your serotonin levels. Amino Acids, good for everything, also help erections. Dong Quai (good blood flow to genitals), Cistanche, Epimedium (horny goat weed), Damiana, Tribulus Terrestris (increases testosterone), and Maca...all used often in sexual health products. I imagine Saw Palmetto is helpful for PE if your problem is prostate related. However, the prostate is related to orgasm so even if there is no problem a healthy prostate is always good and may help. Yohimbe is very common in sexual health products, but not the safest. Don't worry, don't freak out and return it. It's just not one of the safest herbs for long term use, though I'm sure many do.

MandM

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Posted: 03-09-07 18:40pm


Hello, First off, I agree. There should be a sticky for this topic. If we had one resource without bs ads, where we could see what other people have really done, that would be great. Coping with PE" is a very good book to diagnose your individual type of PE. They give you test and you rate question 1 - 10. It also explains all the types of PE. I'd recommend it for anyone starting out. Once you figure out your type, it tells you what chapter applies to you and what you can do. I still haven't read the whole thing yet, but it's a good resource for all types of PE. It gives an overview of many options. In the book they descibe it as the Pelvic Muscle, and they try to tell you how to control it. It doesn't really seem like it is trying to build muscle, but be aware of how light or tight you are clenching. Excuse me if I don't remember everything, it's been a long couple of months with work and I really haven't had a chance to read over it all. I still don't believe kegels are the answer, while getting it stronger may give you a stronger orgasim (it did for me when I did for 6 weeks straight), I don't believe it will alleviate PE. I think being able to relax it would be key, but I still do not understand how to do that. For someone like me, I think there is something more, such as sensitivity or a hardwired fuse in my body. I've pretty much been doing the Start and Stop technique my whole life. That's how I always masterbated. I never just kept going until I went off, I always stopped and started. Obviously that hasn't helped me though. I have a feeling that it might help other cases, but not my own. I have never tried SSRI's. I am trying that for a last resort, because I am afraid the side effects will be worse. I haven't tried a name-brand PE fix such as climax, but I have tried many herbs and non have worked. NYC216, have you ever tried a numb cream? I know it's not a perm fix (that's why I'm still researching, but it's a temp solution) I feel much more confident when I use it. I believe there is a real fix out there, and I've been doing research on this for a long time. I have been close to asking my doctor for his opinion. Everyone keep the discussion going. It would be good to try to isolate a place where we could all refer to for non-BS information, possible solutions, stories, and of couse support. I've got plenty of more input on the subject, I'm just limited for time at certain points.

MandM

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Posted: 03-13-07 21:34pm


I was just scanning through some of the book I was talking about. It really tries to get you to relax your body and your pelvic muscle. It has a variety of "pacing" excercises that is supposed to make you more aware of your sensations. It is VERY involved, and takes a time. There is a whole chapter dedicated to this. It goes in order of less stimulation until full-fledged intercourse. It seems reasonable if you were to read it, but I have a feeling that it wouldn't really work as well in real practice. The book also says that this practice will not work for everyone. The book also mentions that people with severe PE should consider medication. If you categorize yourself as having neurological PE, then it is a hard-wired ejaculation reflex that cannot be overidden. This is very discouraging. You can try all the pacing techniques in the world, but if you have an automatic reflex, then it's all to waste. I know I have naturally very quick reflexes. I was a goalie in two different sports. I was a Division I lacrosse athelete with very quick hands. Even my doctor told me I have very quick reflexes. The book mentions neurological PE as an overly-efficient nervous system, and this is why they recommend medication to help slow these reactions. Does anyone else that has severe PE, also have quick reflexes? My main concern about PE is that if it is a hardwired reflex, then no pacing or stop and start, or any techniques for that matter will ultimately resolve the problem. I was also wondering if someone that has average ejaculation feels the same sensations as someone who has PE. To me at least, PE feels like an overstimulation in the penis. It feels good, but it just doesn't last. If I were to put a mild numbing on, would that be comparable to way a normal person feels during sex? Does a normal person feel all the sensations that a person with PE feels?