In december, I went to a after dark club with my sister in law drea. I had been having a bad night because before work I had went through all of jason’s things and it was hard. So after work I decided to go out and party with drea(which I rarely do) but I got really really messed up. The next morning I woke up, and I just had the “feeling” that I had sex. I was talking to drea and she said that I should go to the doctor, but I refused. I didn’t see a point because if I did have sex, I was so hammered that it would have been my own fault. Anyway january came, and I had felt the “pregnant” symptoms, my period was 4 days late and when it came, it lasted only a day and a ½. I didn’t think too much of it. But when this cycle was late, due on tuesday, but came on wednesday and left yesterday morning I knew something was up. I was talking to jeni and she said for me to go get a test and I did. I got a positive. I was so upset, I cried most of the night. I literally sat up talking to christina and jeni until about midnight and talked to drea for another 3 hours about what I should do. I posted about reading your stories because I wanted to know if you would ever change your decision if you could. The truth is, though this baby was made out of my consent, jason would be irate if he heard me talking about getting an abortion, which was my first thought. Call me a hypocrite if you want, but that is what I thought and felt. I swear I didn’t think I truly had made love since my husband passed and because of my history that you all know about, I didn’t want anyone to think I was a promiscuous person or a bad mother. I don’t know who the guy was, and probably never will. You girls should learn from my mistake, no one should ever have to learn stuff they way I do. If you’re having a bad day and feel like you “need” to get messed up, there are much better things to do. Go to a place where you used to love. I should have gone to the shore, but instead I made a dumb decision. I think this baby is a gift from not only god but also from jason. They are testing my strength and patients and I almost failed this test. So yes I am pregnant, I went to the doctor this morning and got a urine test and it too said positive.

Danielle