Bipolar Disorder Forum - I Dont Know What to Do Anymore

Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum > I Dont Know What to Do Anymore

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Q: I Dont Know What to Do Anymore

asked by: alk30ace66 on February 13th, 2004

New User

I'm new here, so hi.

I was recently diagnosed with cyclothymic disorder, although i've been taking meds for depression for a while. I'm on depakote again, and have recently (last 2 months) had 4 major depressive episodes and was really close to one last night. I love my girlfriend so much but I just dont feel comfortable around her, I dont know if it is because I dont want to have an episode around her, or if its because I am so upset because I dont want to feel depressed and uncomfortable in my skin around her. We live together, but work a lot so evenings its the worst. I've seriously considered the fact that when people are physically totured to a point, they just want it to be over. I've felt that way a lot. I just dont think I could do anything about it. Thought pop into my head about how easy it would be, but I get scared and chase them away. I'm 22 and I am looking at dealing with this forever. If I already cant take it anymore right now, I dont know what to do. I've tried everything, coping skills in tons of books, working on cognitive distortions, therapy, medication. It may go away for a few days, but it always comes back. What is in the future for me? A family someday? I cant raise kids like this. A career? I can barely function at the retail job I have. Its hard enough to make it through the day. A marriage? I dont want to saddle someone else with this. I also dont want to hurt anyone, but my family and girlfriend know what i'm going through. They would eventually understand. My family has watched me try and fail time and time again, and they know i'm running out of hope. I guess i'm writing this to see if anyone else has gone through this, this daily going to bed depreesed and waking up depressed. Day in day out. It never leaves. Any help or hope anyone can offer would be well appreciated. Right now, this frayed rope is stretched to its limit.
Thanx

Replies(5)

Galoo

replied on February 29th, 2004

New User

I feel your pain... Smile

be patient and believe me there is hope! I'm sure your girlfriend would understand and even want to help you if you sat down and explained everything to her. You should never be ashamed to feel the way you do...Isn't it enough that you feel bad? You don't need to add stress to your already stressful condition. This is a time when you need friends and loved ones...If she's really is the one she will stick around (take it from a woman) :d

keep smiling it's going to get better! Laughing

mia

replied on February 29th, 2004

Experienced User

Don't Know

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad. First, know that there are people here who have experienced the same thing and have gotten through! Second, obviously your meds are not working,so you need to talk to your doctor immediately. 4 serious depressive episodes in such a short time, you need to let them know. If you feel that your doctor is not listening, seek a new doctor, not every doctor is for every person.

Then, remember that there are people in your life who love you. They want to help, but they can't help if you don't ask for it.

Even though you are 22 and you have the rest of your life to look forward to, you are not always going to feel the way you feel right now. Things will get better! Find someone to talk to whether it is a preist, friend, therapist or total strangers, like me. Talking things through really helps, that's freud's whole theory. Just talking about things can make them better!

Good luck

mia

vrajavala

replied on March 5th, 2004

New User

Anti-depressants

Maybe your serotonin levels are low and you need to be taking anti-depressants in addition to depakote. The same thing happened to me: there was a mis-communication between me and my psychiatrist and I was only taking depakote. I became very depressed. It is straightened out now. I'm on prozac, respiridol and depakote.
Good luck.

purple333

replied on March 7th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Serotonin levels can be righted by a natural substance 5htp (go to a search engine & check out tryptophan) & also by sam-e(another natural stress & mood stabiliser.

I would also suggest as others talking to your g/f, family & dr, but as well doing some self help stuff like yoga or pilates &/or meditation (these you & your g/f could do together which might be fun & helpful for both of you.

Meganruth8706

replied on March 10th, 2004

New User

Hi, i'm on the other side of the spectrum. I am dating some one who is bipolar. I have asked someone for advise, and am waiting for a reply. I want so badly to be there for my boyfriend. When he cry's or gets angry, it worries me. I sometimes wonder if i'm the cause of his stress. I care about him soo much, but as I have said before, he distances himself from me. I have thought about children and not wanting them to be bipolar, and not knowing whether or not he could handle raising a child. He has gone thruogh a lot, his dad having the same disorder. I cannot help but smile every time I think about him, but this one important part of his life, I feel, is keeping us from getting closer. I understand that he doesn't want to be vulnerable, i'm just confused. We had a conversation about it last night, and he said to me that he was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle what all he goes through, and that I might leave him because of it. I wish I could take away all of his pain. I know that I cannot but I want help dealing with this. From your point of view, what has helped you and your girlfriend last as long as you have together while you have been dealing with the emotional rollercoaster.

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