Although I don't let anyone see, inside
I'm an emotional wreck. On the outside,
everyone always says "You always have the
same face on!" no one can ever tell If I'm
happy or sad, joking or serious. In the
last year, I have lost the closest people
to me, all in different ways. My
girlfriend of 2years and I broke up, who I
still deeply long for. My father basically
died, his mother (my grandmother) died of
a heart attack due to her son's passing.
My younger brother moved out of state to
live with relative's. I honestly only have
myself at the moment and a few friends
whom at one point I considered family.
Latley, I don't know if the way I feel is
normal. With the passing of my grandmother
and father. Not one tear fell from my
face. I thought I was in shock or
abnormal. A few times It felt like
everything was going to come out, and I
almost broke down in front of my ex's
sister. (me and the family still
communicate).
There is a feeling inside me, I can't
explain it. It's like I'm blocking
everything in the world. But it's itchings
it ways out to the surface. I have felt
like screaming and letting things out. But
no one but myself to listen to. IS this
normal? Feeling empty / no remorse and/or
sympathy for others? I was told "I'm
keeping everything in" and that "its going
to all come out sooner or later". Am I
going to break down?
I have been unable to get sleep. I sleep
for 3-4/hrs a night. I go to college, I go
to work, to the few friends I have and my
class/work mates, I put on a fake smile
and act like everything is geat. But in
reality, I don't think anything is.
|
Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 03-02-07 21:02pm
I'm sure your college has someone that you
can talk to about this, or at the very
least they could recommend somone. Sounds
like you need to get some things off your
chest, and deal with things. You can't
bury yourself in activities to busy
yourself, because yeah you're right you
will break down and it won't be pretty.
Good luck to you
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 388 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-03-07 08:45am
Your father and grandmother love you very
much!................I know when I
pass..........I do not want my love ones
to mourn me but to celebrate the time they
had with me............don't worry you
will breakdown and it will probably come
at the most inopportune time.......you
won't it expect it..........it'll just
happen.............and yes it's very
common...........your not made of
stone..........your just human and the
survival mechanism kicks in to protect us
from overload and hurt............don't
rush yourself and don't blame yourself for
anything............they have long ago
forgiven you for anything you are now
punishing yourself
for........................may not know
much..................but I do know they
are with you right now and they want the
very best for you
|
NTMD8R971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2006 Posts: 5
Posted: 03-04-07 17:44pm
I felt just like you do when my father and
my aunt who was like a surrogate mother to
me both died a month apart and the
remainder of my family moved away 4 months
later. It took me almost 4 years to
finally break down and it scared the hell
out of my wife and son, I was always the
rock of Gibraltar and nothing phased
me,truly stoic and not very emotional
except for anger and rage. I should have
sought counseling for my issues but I
allowed them to fester and put a big
strain on my marriage as well as all of my
other relationships; friends, coworkers
etc. Please go get help before you let it
destroy your life, "No man is an island"
no matter how strong you think you are.
You are in shock associated with grief and
you need help.
