Although I don't let anyone see, inside I'm an emotional wreck. On the outside, everyone always says "You always have the same face on!" no one can ever tell If I'm happy or sad, joking or serious. In the last year, I have lost the closest people to me, all in different ways. My girlfriend of 2years and I broke up, who I still deeply long for. My father basically died, his mother (my grandmother) died of a heart attack due to her son's passing. My younger brother moved out of state to live with relative's. I honestly only have myself at the moment and a few friends whom at one point I considered family.

Latley, I don't know if the way I feel is normal. With the passing of my grandmother and father. Not one tear fell from my face. I thought I was in shock or abnormal. A few times It felt like everything was going to come out, and I almost broke down in front of my ex's sister. (me and the family still communicate).

There is a feeling inside me, I can't explain it. It's like I'm blocking everything in the world. But it's itchings it ways out to the surface. I have felt like screaming and letting things out. But no one but myself to listen to. IS this normal? Feeling empty / no remorse and/or sympathy for others? I was told "I'm keeping everything in" and that "its going to all come out sooner or later". Am I going to break down?
I have been unable to get sleep. I sleep for 3-4/hrs a night. I go to college, I go to work, to the few friends I have and my class/work mates, I put on a fake smile and act like everything is geat. But in reality, I don't think anything is.