At first glance it looked like he may have been right..............then you said he makes double what you make...............that puts a different spin on it................I believe a marriage should be 50/50 but if one partner makes more than it's only natural that they should pay more..............I guess in the final analysis.......a mommy is a big deal....no matter what the relationship was like..........close to home.......realizing your own mortality and all that...............if you don't go............this will probably be thrown in your face at every opportunity...................is it worth it?do you want the marriage to survive?.....................my bf's mom died a few years ago..............I didn't go.............and I wasn't expected to either.............he has never laid those kind of guilt trips on me...............sorry it sounds a little too controlling

Well, I think you do have to go to her funeral if she dies. I mean, she is your mother in law. Not going would probably make you look (and feel) like a jerk. Still, I don't think it's right that you should have to pay for everything. I guess your current husband isn't the father of your son? Seems okay if he were to stay with his Dad (or whoever your ex is) while you're gone, as long as he's a good parent.

What I think would be fair, would be for your husband to pay for your flights and lodging (and everything else that you needed while there) and you pay for the stuff that you have to do here, like your horses etc. Or the other way around. There's got to be some way to manage it with him helping. I agree with Spirit that he sounds a mite controlling if he wants you to pay for everything.

He's probably "telling" you to go, rather than asking, because he expects you to be there for him if his mother dies. That's sort of one of your big jobs as wife. Even if he acts like the impending death doesn't bother him much, it does. My husband's father died several years ago, and he was very businesslike about it, but let me tell you, it really killed him to see that man buried. He desperately needed me, even if he had a hard time saying so.

I have to disagree on this one.my grandad died and my mother didn't go to his funeral with my father.she had no beef with him or anything and they loved each other but she didn't go and no one looked doen on her for it.I dont' think she should be told what to do.if he wants her there for support I guess he better shell out money,because if I were her I wouldn't go if I was sure to be in debt.Is he gonna help her get out of debt?

I can understand that, and you're right, it can be subjective. Your parents probably had an agreement or something beforehand though right? I doubt that if your father wanted her to be there, and she just said no, that nobody would have been upset. In the original poster's situation though, he wants her to go and she doesn't. There doesn't seem to be an agreement there. As far as him helping her to get out of debt, well you'd think he would, right? I mean, he is her husband. I agree with you that it's not right for it to be so one sided- him demanding everything to come out of her pocket. Hopefully they were able to talk out their problem and come to a mutual understanding.