First of all, you are better off than a lot of people in similar circumstances, ie. no children and no mortgage involved.....................these are huge and can be the result of many discussions.................

Let me ask you this, "Do you want to be back here in 10 years, posting "I am a 41 year old........?" Even if you feel you may not be strong enough yet to make the final decision.................my advice is to set the wheels in motion..........................as far as I know, if he shares the lease and there's no threat of physical harm....................you have but one option................and that is to move out. Having said that...............research new places, get emotional support - friends and family, don't worry about your stuff..............stuff is just stuff............but if your really attached to somethings...........research putting in storage, store at friends place, or a plan to do a massive clean out come moving day..................keep all your receipts in a safe place............in case ownership is questioned..............etc
No you shouldn't have to leave a place that is yours..............but do you value your sanity more than a piece of property? It's about empowering yourself................even if it takes a year or two to make the final move............at least you gave yourself an out and you'll feel stronger mentally and physically.........................Keep dancing!

gottagetout
how right you are. i am a reforming abuser. take it from me, he is not going to change as long as he is still treating you this way. nobody deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. you have to think about yourself, he's not. leave as soon as possible, before he gets physical.
don't allow yourself to be treated this way. you have recognized the abuse and now you must stop it. take care of yourself. your feelings are important and so is everything about you.
there are plenty of options available to you. check on line and end the cycle as soon as you can.
best wishes and best of luck to you.

Thanks I have been told time and time again that I have to get up and move. I told him yesterday that I wanted to break up and he said well break up then. Just so sickening I can't stand it. No it doesn't get physical now but it has in the past I think we both know to keep our hands to ourselves or it will get very ugly.

You are are correct I don't want to be crying the same song 10 years from now. I will just take my time like mentioned. Try to deal in the meantime but keep my mind sent on getting out. I figured I would give myself another year in this state before I move again I know if I move out of this state he will not want to go because he loves it here.

I was wondering if I should start seeing other people. Maybe he will get it and leave.

perhaps you can start seeing other people, but make sure you are okay. you don't want to repeat this pattern with someone new. take care of yourself first. i hope this helps

Hey gottogetout!

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, it must be really taking its toll on you!

To spirit - she has every right to take everything that is hers! Why should she leave all the things that shes worked so hard for in her life to attain to just give it away to someone that has treated her badly??? I would be taking everything of mine that I could!!

gottogetout - I am guessing the reason that he doesn't care that you want to break up is because he doesnt think it will "actually" happen. I would suggest that you follow through with your wishes and find yourself a nice place and set all your belongings up there. He will be left with nothing but that is maybe what will give him a reality check! I really do wish you all the very best with your situation and keep us updated!!