Im new here. So i want to lay down some
of my background.
I've been fat my whole life, and one day i
decided enough is enough. I ate under
1000 calories a day for over a year and
lost all the weight. I went from 230 lbs
to 150.... then i plateaued. I couldn't
lose anymore. I lost those 80 lbs being
healthy and counting calories. Although
somedays I probably didn't eat enough to
be healthy, I figured I had enough fat
stored up to live off.
Once I reached 150 and stayed at that
weight for 6 months with no progress, I
doubled my efforts. I starved myself.
STARVED! I started beating myself up
anytime I put any food into my stomach, no
matter how small. So the next step was
obviously purging. I was so hungry I'd
eat 3 days worth of food in a sitting and
feel so awful about how i'd blown all my
efforts, I would force myself to puke it
up. But that only left me starving
again...... see the vicious cycle forming?
I hear all the time how beautiful I look
now that I've lost the weight, and I see
how differently people treat you when
you're not obese. Even my own mother and
stepmother have a respect for me they
never had before. All of this because of
my physical appereance. Men are giving
more attention than I know how to handle.
This is all new to me since I've always
been fat.
Now, I'm bulemic. I'm puking up blood.
I'm losing my hair that once was as thick
as a horse's mane. Guess where I sit? at
150 lbs. I don't get it, all of this
suffering for nothing.
These days I'm not dieting. I'm eating
garbage and purging it. At first bulemia
seemed like a dream come true, I can eat
whatever I want, and just get rid of it.
No harm, no foul. But now that I'm
staying home on weekends to order pizza
and chinese food just to be alone with my
bulemia, I'm seeing its downside more
clearly. So is my bank account. I can't
tell you how much I spend on food that
never nourishes me. I'm
pathetic....beautiful, but pathetic.
sounds like me although back when my
eating disorder started i was never fat.
Now after having 2 kids i am fat for real
lol. Its hard to not spiral back into old
habits etc. some days ive not eaten but
not like trying to starve . I just cannot
eat when im depressed. But i really hate
being so fat. but i know that i just had
ababy 2 mths ago and it takes a while to
get the weight off. I am tryin so hard not
to end up starving and binging and purging
again its been almost 3 yrs since ive
done any of that .
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 725
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 02-26-07 08:54am
tinkinpink84
wrote:
sounds like me although back
when my eating disorder started i was
never fat. Now after having 2 kids i am
fat for real lol. Its hard to not spiral
back into old habits etc. some days ive
not eaten but not like trying to starve
.
You must remember that you have the body
of a mother, someone who has given lives
to this world, which is something a lot
more important than to be thin or fat,
rught? You must be really proud of
yourself for that.
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 02-28-07 17:16pm
as my pretty crappy doctor would say
"bulimia wont make you lose weight" i dont
know if ive lost ne during the 5 months
that ive been(no scale), i think thats
great u lost all that weight the healthy
way....i think when u were losing all of
it, u just got it implanted in ur brain to
lose more and more, thats how it was for
me when i starved myself, for me how i
stopped was a shock(not literally)
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Little Sadie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 14 Location: georgia
Posted: 02-28-07 18:48pm
Catt101
wrote:
thats how it was for me when
i starved myself, for me how i stopped was
a shock(not
literally)
how did you stop? 'splain please
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 02-28-07 22:09pm
in ninth grade for me, i really didnt care
about my appearance or anything, but
highschool can change that, also i failed
to make the soccer team and kept being
compared to my sister and it drove me
insane, and not making the team brought a
shock to me and threw me into depression
and just not caring about ne thing, so i
stopped eating and stopped playing soccer
and stopped going to school, but during
that time i had a cat named belle, i think
she was pretty much the one thing that
helped me through everything, all those
nights and all my pain, an eating disorder
to me is a disease, and my cat had a
disease but not like mine though, its like
we were both dying, and as i was slowly
decreasing she was slowly decreasing too,
but one day during summer i was playing
with her and she fell over and died(i
never seen ne thing die before so i was
pretty much in shock) i think it opened my
eyes that i didnt want to just fall over
in die like that, its kinda sad when i
think about it, i think omg my cat had to
die for me to realize i need to live and
get better, yah i know u most be thinking
im super super weird but animals are my
life, that cat made me realize i want to
go out there and look for that cure for
that disease, and save every cat, she gave
me a reason to go back to school and
pretty much my life back, right now i feel
disappointed that i have an eating
disorder again, whew i havent really told
ne one that, my parents just thought i
woke up one day and wanted to eat again
but nope back then i was saved, i guess it
was fair because i gave belle life and she
gave me back mine(when i mean i gave belle
life i mean i adopted her, and they
informed me that she had an a disease that
doesnt have a cure yet, and they told me
you get to choose if i want to put her
down and end her life or take for the
short time she'll be alive) down below is
belle
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Little Sadie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 14 Location: georgia
Posted: 03-05-07 22:49pm
ummmmm..... yeah. well you didn't really
stop then. you just said you have an
eating disorder. WHAT WOULD BELLE SAY!?
she'd say meow...give me some food.
because that's all they want from you,
they are CATS.
