(I know this is a long post, but this is something that's been building up inside for a long time, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would bear with me and read it. I really need to let this all out.)
I'm 18 years old. I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, ect. I am not uncomfortable around girls at all, I have many friends that are girls and I always have. I have no problem talking or flirting with them, and girls always seem to like me. I've just never been able to jump to the relationship level, something always seems gets in the way. There have been several girls that have liked me in the past, but they are not ones I want to date at all. My life is very good for the most part; I have a great social life, a loving family and plenty of things to keep me busy. The only thing I feel is missing is a relationship.
Now with my background out of the way, I can begin. About a year ago I met a girl in school. I eventually got quite a crush on her as time went on and we got to know each other, but she had a steady boyfriend. I got to know her more and more until we were pretty much as close as a guy and a girl could be without being romantically linked. She was smart, gorgeous, down to earth, open minded, funny, and compassionate. She was basically everything I could ever hope to find in another human being. I was completely in love. I would later find out that she knew all along that I liked her, but she never did anything to try and "shoot me down". My feelings grew and grew.
After a long period of bad depression, summer vacation rolled around, and I did the only thing I could think to do to ease the pain; I stopped talking to her. And while it may not have been the best move, it worked. The new school year rolled around and I felt that I had pretty much gotten over her. She eventually broke up with her boyfriend for another guy who felt the same way about her I did for just as long. I had hated this guy because he was always flirting with her and she always gave him a lot of attention, but I actually ended up becoming friends with him. They were together, and I didn't care. I thought that I was over her.
But in the last couple of months, for some reasons I can explain and some I can't, my old feelings have resurfaced. But this time its on a much deeper level. I am very serious when I say that I could marry this girl today and never have any doubts about spending the rest of my life with only her. It would take hours for me to explain everything that I love about her. She completes me in every way. I have tried recently to pursue other girls, but I can't bring myself to care enough to get anything off the ground because none of them compare to her. My friends have suggested this as a way to get over her, but I don't want to get over her anymore. I want to be with her.
Perhaps the worst thing is that I am not alone in my feelings. She has always had guys following her around. Her boyfriend is completely in love with her, and she has had pretty much the same effect on all the guys she's dated. She has turned down two proposals at the age of 17. Instead of feeling like I have a unique, special connection with this girl, I feel like one of the herd. I feel like there is nothing to seperate me from all the other guys that are/have been crazy about her. But deep down I KNOW there is. The question is, how do I tell her that when she has probably heard the same thing from several other guys?
She knows how I feel about her. She asked me recently if I had gotten over her and I told her everything. I never felt so comfortable talking to someone in my life. We are still good friends, and we are going to the same college next year (by coincedence). Things aren't really bad (they could be a lot worse), but I feel like I am drifting aimlessly waiting for this girl. I don't know what to do. For all intents and purposes, my life is great. But every minute that I am not around her or talking to her, I feel like something is missing. I feel like there is this void that will never be filled until I am with her. This isn't some cliche teenage infatuation; I am in love. Any advice?
