Am I depressed?... Or is this just brain damage from drinking alchohol, drug expermentation and being alone without anyone to talk to for abou two years?

I think about my past constantly...Sometimes I'll replay, or reinvent experiences...I put myself down all the time...Other times I believe Im above others and I understand more about life and humanity, because I always ponder and ponder what I wonder...I know I'm pathetic...Ive read a lot, but its not enough!...there is so much to Learn. So much to put together...and so many ignorant people (me included) with their own beliefs and assumptions,
it drives me insane. I would love to know what people think, or it would be best if people said exactly what they thought (imagine that...chaos)...Tell me this why do people play games...Isnt that a waste of time? I have no friends and the friends(well, friend) that do call me...I really dont know why?? I don't go with the so called flow of life...I struggle with trying to think of everything (lol)...My life is ironic!!!

Anyways, I didn't and still do not, feel up to the task of explainning everything, so I wrote that mess on top...I welcome any assumptions, personal stories and advice...something that I can use to help myself and in turn others...Thank you.

Oh, and I started school again, Im doing well...But its so much different then it used to be- I used to be extroverted now Im introverted....I used to be able to writ without much thought...Now in english class I need to really put an effort in...Thanks


^ that is a post that I posted on depression...maybe it will help with whatever.


What I really want to know is how do I get to my potential of brilliance...I need replies for exercises, nutrition ....I need a science that will get me as close to...genius as possible...or just write anything....