Self Injury Forum - Thoughts of Hurting Someone

Mental Health > Self Injury Forum > Thoughts of Hurting Someone

Q: Thoughts of Hurting Someone

asked by: joe_sawicki on February 22nd, 2007

New User

hi,

My whole life, my father has been a lazy, selfish, cowardly, mean, ungrateful, problem. I can easily think of 100 times he was mean, or let me down, or was cowardly in the past few years.

I'm normally a peacefull person, and i love animals, and i get along with other people great, but i dont know whats going on, I dont have these thoughts againts anyone else besides my father.

This morning, just a half an hour ago, i was making myself some breakfast, of pancakes and hashbrowns, some of my favorite stuff, and all of a sudden i just started getting angry, and i started shaking, and i felt rage towards my father, i lost my appetite, and now i feel sick and want to vomit, i have 3 pancakes and a good sized set of hashbrowns that are sitting out.

I have thoughts of hurting, yelling at, and killing my father, I have an urge to cut myself (which i have never thought of doing or have done) and I am very depressed. I used to get depressed at night and start crying for no reason, get this feeling of "not being there" mentally while and after being depressed.

I dont want to be instatutionalized, or incarserated, but I dont know what to do, because if i talk to a counsellor, thats where ill be headed.

so what are my options? I'm fifteen, I work on weekends, have high hopes and dreams, I'm pretty spiritual, i meditate, i practice buddhism (but cant really bcome buddhist because of these thoughts and feelings). Is there a categorey for what i am experiencing?

Replies(9)

blulyneguy

replied on February 22nd, 2007

Experienced User

Seek Help

What you describe sounds pretty normal to me. I would go talk to someone, a friend or relative you trust and see where that gets you. A counselor will not call the cops or lock you up because you have these feelings. They can help you work through them. Good luck!

Stan

replied on February 22nd, 2007

Supporter

I say this all the time but that sounds exactly like a low blood sugar reaction. Any other symptoms? Has anything ever happened during your life like weird fainting spells or severe, flu-like sensations even though you don't have a temperature?

joe_sawicki

replied on February 23rd, 2007

New User

Yes, I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia, but I usually I get a headache if I'm low on sugar. I sometimes feel faint when I stand up, or stretch too, is that related? I do get VERY short tempered and angry, when I'm low aswell.

What can I do to keep a good sugar level, carbs and protein? (dont they breakdown into sugar?)

Thanks
-Joe

Stan

replied on February 23rd, 2007

Supporter

Yeah, good thing you figured that out. Essentially you're getting like this because your hypoglycemia is getting worse. You can post here for others' knowledge if you like or PM me, but regardless send me a list of what you currently eat and I'll tell you why it sucks. Do you still have your test results? If I have those I can better figure out how you need to eat.

Stan

replied on February 23rd, 2007

Supporter

And oh yeah, the standing and stretching thing is a symptom. You're not doing something right.

joe_sawicki

replied on February 24th, 2007

New User

I do not have my results, but I remember my doctor said I was just barely hypoglycemic at the time (about 6 months ago). The other day when I was freaking out, I didn't eat anything.

I will keep a log of what I eat for the next three days, I'll include how I feel at certain times of the day too.

Is that cool?

-Joe

Stan

replied on February 24th, 2007

Supporter

Sounds fine man, and it also sounds like your doctor doesn't have a clue. I got the same reaction from mine, even though it revealed my sugar was going up and down. The problem is that there isn't a standard for hypoglycemia. Doctors usually base the results on understandings of diabetes, which is completely different. For that disease, low is usually below 50mg. However, in hypoglycemia, it's not just the level of the drop, but the speed. Mine used to drop 30mg in a half hour, which is too much of a strain on the brain. If you could get those results and tell me it would help, because then I could see what kind of curve your body has.

SimeonCross

replied on March 4th, 2007

New User

Your rage that you are talking about is in many of us. It is me at times in my life towards all different people. You are in the exact right place to talk about this.

I am not sure what diagnoses a therapist would recommend for you. I have bipolar disorder and OCD. I am also an alcoholic and addict. All of these contribute to my rage.

I can suggest to you to seek some professional help. Rage is poisionous. It never helps anything or anyone. From seeking help on it who knows where it will lead in helping your life.

ocdengineer

replied on March 5th, 2007

New User

Pure O

Joe,

I have Pure O which is a form of obsessive compulsive dissorder where the obsessive thoughts rule you and there are no compulsions. The thoughts however cause great pain and anxiety. I also meditate to help and if you practice meditation and mindfulness that will help you a lot. I would also say get away from your father since he seems like a catalyst to your problems, but you are too young to do much on that front. I would suggest you talk with a therapist. OCD runs in families and there is a good chance that the anger you feel towards your father is a result of him having the same dissorder as you. In his day this kind of thing wasn't talked about and he may be hiding the same secret that you are sharing with us now. Anyway, I also have Pure O and it is genetic. It will come and go throughout your life. I would suggest you try Kava for your anxiety. It is a very safe herb that helps you relax and takes away some of your anxiety. The rage can be controlled through mindfulness. Check out www.buddhanet.net and download some of the books on mindfulness. I think it will really help you get a firm grasp on the practice. If you can practice mindfulness then anger becomes a thing of the past. If you get older say in your twenties and this is still an issue you may want to consider medication. At this point maybe some counceling, Kava, and mindfulness meditation will probably get you by. I feel you, man. My father was a caca when I was young too.

Take care,
OE

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