I'm new, but whatever. Gotta start somewhere on the boards.
About a month ago, I met a girl online by complete accident. I had a picture of me that was meant to hint that I was single and seeking, and I came across an interesting headline that basically said that "nice guys were gone and if you think you can prove me wrong let me know." being the nice guy that I am I gave a slightly humorous resonse establishing that I have some nerdish tendancies but know how to have a good time.
During the month, we decided upon multiple times that we would meet; however, things kept coming up for the both of us (life crisis and such). Some of this was also because we were both very hesitant about meeting. At one point toward the end of last week I decided to try to call things off because I was so nervous. With this, she changed her profile to put such a strong emphasis on the word "single" that I decided we should probably meet since we wouldn't have responded to one another if we weren't interested in something.
It wasn't until about a few days ago that we met in person just to chat for a few. The chat went well, but i've begun to learn a few things about her that may make her untouchable to me.
At the moment, she is very untrustworthy of men. This is evident by her unwillingness to meet on valentines day as well as a couple of past experiences where good friends have tried to rape her. I can tell that she is sincere in building a relationship with me, but I don't know how to go about since she has some special circumstances that make it difficult.
I want her to know that she can trust me that I truly am not like them, but I don't know how to go about it especially since one of the incidents happened within the past week. I could tell her that I was almost raped by one of my ex's (and yes... Girls do try to rape guys, it is a fact that is often ignored). I don't know what sort of a response that would get though other than the fact that i'm not interested in sex but rather an honest relationship. I don't even know how to go about arranging our next meet because of the recent incident since I don't want to seem too forceful, but at the same time I don't want her to slip away from me either.
Ahh.. alright. I am sorta in that spot myself. I didn't know how many more spots I could possible take on !![yes I made a funny-those who know me or read posts know what I am "talking" about]
But I'll be brief. I too have a difficulty in trusting men. Talking, knowing about them. I thought I did.. but due to being a severe nerd..with buckteeth until 10th grade..I got the chant of "the ugly duck". Mainly from boyz with no balls lol. Regardless, I put up a wall- and had 1-5 male friends... not even. It hurt me more than I realized.
She needs to gain trust. Big time, from you. Be patient..gentleman *especially*! That is wonderful that you are willing to be there for her- I applaud you mucho on that! If you don't see improvement after a couple of dates.. at least 4-5...and nothing has changed. Then maybe she needs more assistance, than originally thought.
Next place... how about something fun- like skating, or a pool hall, interactive..with public around. Let her get to know you better, she will probably open up slowly..don't take offense to it. As long as you notice a change from the 1st date, to the 3rd/4th. She wouldn't of met with you the 1st time around- if she wasn't interested
I agree with missdepressed for the most part, be patient if you really want her, but also understand if what she went through is really that serious she may never snap back. Some people are damaged goods for life and until they make the decision to come back around they wont. Nothing you do is going to change that, SHE has to decide that, all you can do is lay the groundwork.