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So Afraid I Am Sterile, I Must Be.

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February 14th, 2007
Hi I posted elsewhere and got no response. Please anyones comments would be very much appreciated.
I am 30, female, married 6 mos. My everday worry, taking up all my thoughts is, I am so sure I am sterile. Problem is I have no med. Ins. And cant afford to go to fertility specialist to have all the tests done to prove that.
Why do I think I am? My history is that at 17 I became pregnant and I was so scared and ashamed I regret this decision daily since the moment it occured, actually since before it happened while I was even contemplating it. It's scary how fear can control a person and make them do the most horrific things. I am not judging anyone I am speaking from my own pain.
Immediately after abortion (within an hour) I began to experiense intense pain, almost fainting from it. I was bleeding badly, and the scary part is that I could feel and almost hear popping sounds, like my insides were literally exploding (belly). I had feeling deep down that this can't be normal, but I just didn't know where to go, didn't want to ever go back to the clinic, so stupidly I ignored this problem and it stopped after an hour or so, I can't remember anymore.
For the next year my boyfriend and I tried to get pregnant (selfish I know, we were both so sad, my emotional pain and the void I felt was intense) iwanted to die. We did not get pregnant, this was from age 17-18.
I had had 3 partners before my boyfriend, one night stands. During time I was pregnant, to add to my fears I cheated on boyfriend once, I still at time did not know I was pregnant, and then had symptoms of std, I had pain during intercourse, itching, burning during urination, no relief. (i know I made a lot of stupid choices I don't know why).
I was tested at this time for std's I can't remeber which, anyways I was told they were negative. So after a year of trying and nothing, we broke up and I began an 8 1/2 year monogamous relationship, we always had unprotected sex, I secretely hope I would get pregnant, we always used the pull out method, but still I never got pregnant! So now I am sure I am sterile, I have to be, I have lived such a risky lifestyle that everything points to me having had an std that was undected and/or led to pid, or I think the abortion itself, cause of the exploding feeling in my belly.
After that relationship ended I had several short term sexual partners, never using protection, I was very self destructive, saw no future ahead, so I just kept making terrible and dangerous choices.
I finally tested for chlamydia, gohnorrea, and hiv at 27 and they were all negative. I just can't help if sometime between 17 and 30 I may have had an std and it just went away on it's own after many years?? Can an std lie dormant for 7 or 10 years and still show up on tests, or would it eventually clear up on it's own, after doing it's damage silently??
I hope this is not toooo long, sorry I just felt knowing my whole history would help.
I am now a happily married, born again christian. I want so badly to have babies one day soon. I just doubt that anything less than a miracle would make that possible.
Also has anyone out there had any of the std's that can make you infertile/ become infertile and still conceived and delivered????? Would ivf be an option??? At what point do you go from infertile to sterile???
Sorry I will stop now.
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Llewellyn
replied February 14th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Ok, I will address the medical insurance issue. You want a baby very badly, but you should have medical insurance before you get pregnant. You will need a doctor during your pregnancy and during your labor. Your baby will also have to see a doctor after it is born. So you could always try to get insurance first, then see a fertility specialist since you would need the health coverage for the baby anyway. If you can't afford any health coverage, it might be difficult to afford a baby.

In the meantime, did you talk to anyone at the clinic about infertility? You mentioned getting tested for stds there, but you might be able to find out some more about infertility from them too if you haven't already. You might be able to talk to someone at a place like family planning or planned parenthood. They should be able to answer at least some questions you have about fertility.

Ivf certainly might be an option, but that is something you would probably have to talk to a fertility specialist about.
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monkeygirl22
replied February 14th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
First of all, you can't be sure that you are infertile. Do you know anything about ovulation and timing of sex. You don't get pregnant unless you have sex around your fertile times and sometimes not even then. Don't stress yourself out till you are sure there is reason to worry. I am ttc as well. There are plenty others out there like you. I think you need to do lots of research first. Work on getting a good job with group health insurance before you start trying. You don't need a baby if you can't afford health insurance. I am not trying to be mean, i'm really not. I just think you should think things through a little better.
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Tylanas
replied February 14th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
If you are sterile - and there's no way to tell until you get insurance and go to a doctor - it was most likely due to complications that you ignored after the abortion. There may be other causes, possibly from an std but those show up on tests quickly; the slowest is hiv, and even that comes up after 6 months.

Please, get some insurance!
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faithhope777
replied February 15th, 2007
Thank You So Much For Your Caring Replies.
I first of all want to thank you all for respoonding to my post. It is healing to know that others are going through the same worries, and that we can all come together here and support eachother.
I want to clarify my situation. I actually am still not in the process of ttc. I just am so worried now that I am married, just 6 mos, and know that we both want to have children in the future.
It is actually a worry I have had since the abortion, immediately afterwards, but for one reason or other, to be honest I just didn't want to face reality, which I know is the worst thing you can do.
My husband and I just moved from hawaii to california, we are staying with my parents for several months to help them fix up their house, and also to provide them with emotional support they desperately need right now (long story). Once we have fixed up their home we plan to move to tennesse.
So until then, our life is on hold. I absolutely agree on having a good job and health insurance.
We wouldn't embark on ttc. Until we are finally settled, have a home, insurance, and good, stable jobs, we already have excellent opportunities waiting for us in tennesse.
I went to planned parenthood, and I know they are extremely busy there, but I was very dissapointed although I can't say surprised by their attitude. They completely dismissed my worries. Even seemingly very annoyed by my questions, like they were thinking, "hey you just paid for a urine test and pap smear, don't expect anything more"
I told the nurse practioner ( they do not actually have Dr. There apparently), about my abortion and the syptoms afterward. As well as the fact that we tried to conceive for 1 year afterward, the only thing she said to me, matter of factly was, " the syptoms you had after the aboriton had nothing to do with the abortion." that's it, all she said about that. How could she possibly say that say assuredly? It makes no sense. It is obvious, I had never had syptoms like that in my life, then one hour after abortion I had them.
I also told her about the risky sexual behavior I had had for the last 13 years of my life, unprotected sex, never got pregnant and how I was scared I may have had an std that was undected , untested,that developed into pid, also undetected, and that could have damaged my reproductive organs.A
this is what she said, " you would know if you had pid, it is so painful it would hospitalize you." I have heard otherwise, that it can be silent just like the std's that can cause it.
I have researched infertility alot on the internet and forum discussions. I know nothing will ever truly calm me until I get fertility testing. I am jus reaching hoping I will hear what I want to hear.
Thank you so much for letting me pour out my sadness, I have been filled with guilt and sadness ever since my abortion, and now ifear I will be haunted forever not being able to ever conceive again.
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Tylanas
replied February 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Pid is the silent sterilizer, I have heard and learned of this. Hopefully, once you get everything sorted out, you can get some definitive answers. Until then, there isn't much you can do except relax and enjoy your life! Smile

i wish you a lot of luck.
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BabyFutak
replied February 15th, 2007
Experienced User
I know the feeling hun I am right there with ya except my abortion was only about 2 years ago I fear the same thing. My abortion was for medical reasons and I took the pill but I have the same fears as you. I am recently married (almost 6 months) and we have been trying for almost 8 months and nothing yet so I know your pain if you ever need to talk just message me.
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Mandee086
replied March 25th, 2007
Re: So Afraid I Am Sterile, I Must Be.
I feel for you!!!..me and my boyfriend have been trying for a baby several months bow, problem is he has a low sperm count, (ive posted this problem actually), i never really hear of a guy's case, that he cant produce, i hear more of a womens case,,and actually my boyfriends sister and my aunt were told they could not have kids, but they each both have 2 kids right now!! I am so happy for them. I know women can take F. pills...but what about a guys case?!?! anyone ever have this problem?!?!
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Willa Weintraub
replied March 28th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
have you tried to chart your ovulation?have you payed attention to your periods? a friend of mine has tried to get pregnant ever since she was 13.she never used a condom but did not have a child until just a month or so ago,and she is now almost 29.don't lose hope.chart your periods and ovulation and when you get insurance go to the doctor.good luck!
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kuntrygirl11606
replied March 7th, 2010
I know most of these posts are a few years old but I just felt the need to share that the story truly touches my heart!
I have a step sister who got pregnant at 16 & her dad made her abort although she was willing to be a mother. Since then she has had numerous miscarriages, including twins once. But now she has a healthy little boy (3 years old)! On top of her complications, she has an STD.
I know what you mean about medical coverage. Mine isnt very good. The reason I read your post was because my boyfriend of almost a year (& future husband) has expressed his concern to me that he is sterile. I have a daughter from a previous relationship but desire for us to have a child together & it pains me to know that that may not happen. He doesnt have health insurance to be tested & has had a really bad past that could explain him being sterile.
I honestly wish you the best of luck with your upcoming llife with your new husband! Your story has touched my heart & you will be in my prayers as well.
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Girlygirl111
replied March 10th, 2011
I came across this post with my own concerns of being sterile. I am 19 years old and as much as I would love to have a baby and be a mommy now I know that I just can't. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and I desire to be married to him and have a baby. When I was about 16 years old I found out that I had an STD but I refused to tell ANYONE for almost a year :/ I feel so stupid now especially since my mom was very supportive and helpful once I did tell her. So, with that said, knowing I was positive for chlamydia for almost a year I am so concerned with my ability to have a baby. I am not able to tell my boyfriend about my concern because I know he will not understand considering I shouldnt be thinking about reproducing yet. I have so many girlfriends who have gotten pregnant so quickly and it really gets to me leading me to think there is something wrong with me. I have military insurance so going to the doctor isnt a problem, I'm just so scared to know the results :/ Thanks for reading..any advice would be great!!
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IveMadeMistakes
replied August 12th, 2011
Your story is heartbreaking. I feel that I am in the same boat. When I was young, I had an abortion, and got pregnant again a year after. I gave that baby up. Fast forward many years and I think I may also be sterile. When I've been sexually active, condoms are used for the most part, but sometimes not, usually in the long-term "relationships" I've had. I am afraid that along the way, I contracted an STD that has destroyed my reproductive organs. I haven't had insurance in years and the last time I had a job that did offer insurance, I was too afraid to go to the doctor to confirm it.

It saddens me to think I ruined my earlier chances at motherhood, jeopardized my fertility making unwise decisions due to low self-esteem, and when I am ready, I will never be a mother again.
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