Gf Is a Cutter, Need Advise Posted: 02-14-07 02:13am
Well, ex gf now, mostly due to it. I
found out she was a cutter (for 6+ years)
within the first month of dating her (10
months ago) I was really confused and
scared. I tried being understanding but
it was a really touchy subject and the
topic rarely came up. She had stopped so
thats a major reason it stopped being
talked about. But, about 3 weeks ago she
starting acting....Well, different. I
had casually looked for cuts but never
really found any so I didnt directly ask
about it. Eventually she broke up with
me (no real reason at first) but a little
while later I was able to get out of her
that she had started cutting again. She
said she did it to save me from being
dragged down into her caca.
So...My question is how can I try to help
her?? She's by far my best friend and it
kills me seeing her like this. I know
i'll never be able to really understand
what shes going through but still. About
the only thing that makes a little sense
is she said if she can't care for herself
she can't possibly care about someone
else. Any advise for what a person in
her situation might possibly be looking
for would be greatly appreciated!
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
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Posted: 02-14-07 11:22am
It's hard to understand a cutter's
mentality. When I was cutting a lot my
bf at the time was the worst supprt system
I could have had.
Try and see if she will go to counseling.
Go with her if need be.
How old are you guys? She needs to keep
herself occupied and find other things to
do.
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sean84
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Feb 2007 Posts: 2 Location: Wi
Posted: 02-15-07 02:57am
I'm 21, shes 19. I just got done talking
with her, and I was 100% straight forward
with regards to counseling. Since she
already broke up with me I was able to say
a little more. I think I just might be
getting somewhere. I think she's
starting to realize that it isn't healthy,
that she won't be fine by just ignoring
it, again. Mentioning how she's really
tested my breaking point to where i'm
almost ready to say screw it all due to
these underlying self-esteem/cutting
issues seemed to have gotten somewhere.
As of right now i've got her talking about
how the counslers here at school are
"crappy" (as her friend apparently
described them) and how shes afraid of
being put onto meds, and her parents
finding out (real pieces of crap
imo...Very verbally abusive, but loving
seconds later so it really screws with how
she thinks and acts towards them) at
least i've got her talking about going to
someone.... Right??? The only other
person who she talks to is a good friend
"whos going through the exact same thing"
which is good, but not what she really
needs. I know I can't force her into
counseling, and pushing too hard will just
repulse her with the idea. Is it best to
keep going on how she's hurting more then
just herself??
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happyfoosball
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 14
Posted: 02-15-07 14:17pm
You've done all you can, now you walk
away. Don't let her drag you down with
her.
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-15-07 15:08pm
A cutter is a cutter. There is a super
good wiki on self-harm that really
explains alot.
blaze is right...Its very hard to
understand the motives of a cutter.
Something that is true though, if you tend
to do it in adolesence it mellows out as
you become older.
Many people will say even if its a scratch
theres still a huge problem...Well I dont
really agree with this. I've known many
people though my life that say they have
cut and been so depressed they've wanted
to kill themselfs...Most of these people
had scratches make by a knife or
something...But nothing deep or anything
that would scar. These people got over
this in a few years, they gew up and
becamse more "into" there adult lifes.
Things change especially though the
adolsent years.
What im getting at is if she has some
narly scars then yes there is something
going on. Weather it be mentaly or
physicaly it needs to be figured out.
Now some insight on myself that might
help. I'm a cutter...A serious one. I
have really really bad scars across my
torso, arms and legs. I know that if I
didnt realize that I actually like the
feeling I would have gone farther. Once
I figued out why I was doing it and what
was happening I really mellowed out. As
you can see from a post just a few days
ago in the bipolar section I was on a trip
and wanted to cut very very very badly.
Luckly I got invoeld with my mom, talked
to some friends etc and was able to pass
the day. Once you pass that day...You
have time to prepare for the next
onhawl.
Wanting to cut is one thing....But not
cutting while wanting to is another.
This is the step she needs to take to
really "stop" it.
You've done all you can, now
you walk away. Don't let her drag you
down with
her.
walking away is the worst you can do. its
hard to find someone that wants to
understand and help.
when i used to cut my ex who was my bf
then got really upset , he would punch
walls cuz well i dont know what went on in
his head but it drove him crazy when i did
that. my husband knows that i used to cut
etc. he was supportive at first. but now
says if i ever cut myself again he will
divorce me wich i would never want . if
she has no one else u need to be there for
her. leaving her alone and depressed will
just make everything that much more worse.
u need a good suport system to recover. if
everyone walked away from it it would do
no good
