I'm 26, i've battled depression my whole
life, i've always wanted a girlfriend.
Since I was 13 or 14 years old. I am
from a very troubled family, and I had a
very difficult childhood. In highschool,
I lacked the confidence to walk up to a
girl in my own school district. I
actively met girls in other school
districts who I tried to date. I played
basketball, i'm tall.. 6'4, 190 pounds.
I'm not fat at all. But I have a crooked
nose, and well. I'm not gifted in the
"fashion sense" I dress nicely though.
I wear genes and sweaters. I'm honest,
and I have good values. I have very high
self-esteem, I am not afraid to walk up to
a girl and ask her out. I've asked out
women of all age groups, weights, heights,
well.. To better explain that, there are
two various ways to try to meet women.
In person, and over the internet. If i'm
going to meet a girl in person, say at a
bar, I will walk up to her and ask her if
she'd like to have a drink with me, and
she'd either say no, or yes and drink it,
pretend she'd be interested in me and just
walk away. I've recently quit drinking,
so now I meet girls in places like the
library, when I go out to eat, coffee
places, through friends. And the way I
approach them is I shake their hand, I
introduce myself, and I try to engage in a
normal converstation with them . I don't
mention sex, or how atractive I find them,
in very rare cases if a girl is very
beauitful I will tell her when I meet her
that I think she's very beauitful but it
ends there because they tend to get very
uncomfortable if they think you want them
for sex. But, what always seems to
happen is they will either give me their
number, and refuse to pick up the phone,
or take my number and never call me.
I've had girls tell me to my face that i'm
ugly, I had a girl tell me i'm a loser,
and I should go find some huge fat girl to
go home with. *her words not mine*.
I've had girls turn and walk away the
second I said something too them, i've
expierenced all kinds of rejection, and
i've heard all the speeches. Its my
personality, its the way I dress, its my
hair, its my intensity, its my lack of
grit *which is very similar to intenstiy
isn't it??*, i'm too needy, I let them
walk all over me, i'm too assertive.
Blah blah blah. And i've heard all the
speeches that if its meant to be it will
happen and all that other crap. Those
are canned answers that were invented in
1672 and I really don't want to hear them
k thx. I mean, seriously don't
patrionize me, i'm 26 years old i'm
educated, and i've finally hit my melting
point. I know many people do not provide
pictures when they make posts like this,
don't worry.. I will. The truth is I am
very angry as I write this. I was beaten
yesterday, I had a concussion. My head
is pounding, and i'm in a bad mood, I am
running a fevor and its freezing cold in
my house. So bear with me, I was always
told taht I wasn't selective enough, that
i'd ask out any girl who was nice too me.
Because of how obviously desprate I was,
girls did not find me atractive so I
thought to myself who do I like the most,
and I concentrated on that one girl. And
bamn it hit me like a slap on the face.
What do I need to get this girl to see
that i'm serious about her, and that I
really care about her? Well, raging
alcoholic me, who hadn't gone more then 29
days without a beer in 6 years, and hadn't
gone more then 2 days without having at
least 12 in the past year, decided to go
through alcohol widthdrawl. It was a
good time, but I did it. I am on day 44
now. I smoked pot every day while I
drank beers, so I smoked pot too, at about
the same time, actually a week sooner. I
had low self-esteem, so I went on effaxor,
and started therapy. My self esteem has
sky-rocketed. Before, I had what I would
say was a below average, self esteem, now
i'd say i'm on par with those aarogent
jocks with huge muscles who have to fight
off girls with sticks.
The fact of the matter is, for all the
mistakes girls tell me i've made, I have
read emails that other, good looking guys
who get plenty of dates have sent to their
girlfriends, i've heard what they have
done to theri girls, cheating on them,
hitting them, abusing them verbally,
threating to kill them, telling them they
hate them, calling them whores, calling
them sluts, wishing physical pain upon
them. Yet these guys continue to get
chances that I would and can only dream
of. Why is that? Duh, its because of
what they look like. I am a 4.3 on
hotornot, and a 5.0 on facethejury, you
can be a 6.5 or a 7 and find somebody, you
can't be a 4 or a 5. It's the difference
between socially acceptable and well
socially not acceptable. Let me put it
this way, if kid 7.0 gets invited to a
party by a girl, her friends talk to him,
aren't really impressed with his looks but
welcome him as part of the group, get to
know him and accept him which creates an
oppurtunity for this guy to date one of
these girls down the line. When a 5.0
gets invited to a party, he gets ignored,
well crap *i* get ignored by people, and I
stand in the corner watching other people
play the amazing race, as in the girls run
to the best looking guys, and I end up
watching from the corner, the worst part
about it is that now since I don't drink
anymore, I can't even play beer pong. It
sucks. It really does i'm not going to
lie. Now with the internet, some girls
will talk to me, some will not. I've
only met one girl off the internet
however, and she had sex with me and never
saw me again. She had half a mustache,
was fat and about 5'3. I didn't care
because I thought that I had a chance with
her, apparently I was wrong, she just
needed some action. Other then that i've
made a lot of online chat buddies, but
i've never actually met any of them in
person, they have a wide varitery of
excuses, they are too busy, they think
meeting people online is creepy, but most
of them have really done it. One girl
was going to meet me, one girl I still
talk too today, she wanted a new picture
of me, I shot it and sent it to her, she
looked at it and told me she didn't want
to meet me anymore. She knew what she
had to know. She knew what she cared
about anyway. That was that.
Now this girl, her friends think i'm
creepy, and they don't want me around her
house. So i've never been invited. I
don't even know where she lives anymore,
and we used to be neighbors... Heck
before I told this girl how I felt, I saw
her on a regular basis. We were real
friends. Its amazing how an i'm
interested in you from an ugly guy can
wreck a perferctly good friendship. Gosh
darn people like me who speak out of turn,
and actually feel we deserve some lovin
too. Anyway, none of them know me, or
have really talked ot me but they all
think i'm creepy, they all hate me and
since they don't want me around, she won't
invite me over. She won't call me on the
phone, so I don't know her phone number.
Its been so long since i've heard her
voice, that I can't remember what it
sounds like anymore. Problem? Yes, I
loved her so much when we were friends,
that I haven't been able to get over her.
I just want to feel the way I did when I
was sitting with her.
The conclusion i've come too? It's
better to hit on a million chicks you
don't know, then one you love because even
though its more socially acceptable, the
results are the same.. But the fact is,
it hurts more, and not even close, but
like 10000x more to get rejected by
someone you love, then it does to get
rejected by 10,000 people you don't know.
It's not really fair to ask an ugly guy
who's 26 years old not go from one girl to
another, hey i'm trying to find someone
here. It's the amazing race and i'm
getting my ass kicked. 13 year olds are
beating me, I haven't even been on my
first date yet. I didn't go to my prom
because nobody would go with me, the rest
you can leave to your imagination. Is
ashley a once in a life time girl? Yes,
absolutely, do I love her, yes I do. Was
she worth spending 6 months of my life
praying she'd give me a chance, quiting
drinking, quiting smoking pot, and going
on anti depresents for? No she wasn't.
Because no matter how hard I tried to
chance she didn't really care. It didn't
change her outlook on me, and it didn't
help her to pick up the phone no matter
how badly I wanted her too. People think
i'm stupid but i'm not, I only ask people
for advice because I need new strategys
once in awhile... Anyway, I am glad I
quit drinking and went on pills for the
simple reason that I feel better since I
did it, but it did not, I repeat, did not
help me find a girl.
Fact : a girl would rather be with a
convicted wife beater who looks good then
with me. I've been there, i've done
that. I've seen it. It's pathetic, but
its true.
Fact : guys are no different, I do let
girls walk all over me at times, I let
them verbally abuse me until the cows come
home because that little voice in my head
says mabye she'll like me, mabye she'll
like me if I just let her yell at me.
She wont. Guys gotta watch taht stuff.
Can't let no girls yell at you. If she
yells at you she wont ever date you.
Shes just using you as a darn punching
bag. And i've been used that way a ton.
Fix my pc, drive me to the store my car
broke down, buy me a drink, blah blah
blah. It happens.
Fact : desprate guys divert and
specifically go after girls who aren't
atractive, guess what I went through that
phase too, you know what I found? The
ugliest girl at my college wouldn't go out
with me because she had a huge crush on
tony the muscle man. Tony the muscle man
talked mad trash about how ugly and stupid
she was behind her back, but she didn't
care he was hawt! I actually was
completely in to this girls personality,
and needless to say although I did not
love her, I liked her a lot and she hurt
me really bad. She also destroyed my
reputation at that school. I was now the
guy who got turned down by laura thomas.
I was offically dog caca in the eyes of
everyone who went there. I couldn't get
out of there fast enough.
My head hurts I can't type anymore, i'm
back at square 1, and i'm frustrated and
depressed as heck. Its gonna take me
some time to bounce back from this and to
come up with a new strategy. So I
thought mabye we could come up with it
together, all you people who know
everything can tell me what to do and if I
haven't tried it i'll do it. The only
thing I will not do is compromise my
values. I will not, lie to girls, if a
girl asks me something I will tell her, I
will however widthhold infromation if she
isn't interested in knowing it. But if I
feel the infromation is approproaite to
give i'm going to give it, for example,
i'm 26 if i'm out with a 20 year old i'm
going to make sure she knows how old I am.
Because even though 6 years is nothing
to me, it might be to her. However if
i'm out with a girl who hates germans, and
i'm half german i'm not going to volunteer
that infromation unless she asks me. I
mean thats just an example. I'm sure you
understand what I mean.
I want my first girlfriend, and I want to
go on my first date. I want that person
to be ashley so bad.. But the more I go
on with fighting for her the more I
realize she just isn't giong to budge.
It's the laura/tony the msucle man
scenerio. I'm laura and she's tony the
muscle man. She's class and i'm trash.
It's that simple.
I'm tired, I can't post anymore..
Whatever.. Heres my pics.
Http://profile.Myspace.Com/
149442539
if you don't have a myspace account.. Hot
or not.
Http://www.Ho
tornot.Com/r/?Eid=rmglnla&key=qsa
and thats me in all my glory. Goodnight.
