Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
I Want to Cut. Posted: 02-13-07 18:03pm
I am now confused. I met a few new
friends a few weeks ago and have been
hanging out with them. One of them is a
girl and we have kissed once while very
drunk and dacing...When ever we go out she
sleeps with me in my bed...No sexual
contact though just a little bit of
cuddleing and looking at each other.
I normaly have no sexual desire untill I
start really falling for someone. Well
today something happend to me and i'm
having a hard time explaining it becuase
its new.
I know i'm in a very very up mood now and
extremely day dreamy. Today I was
thinking about her sexualy and got in this
super werid mood. I know ive cut before
while depressed or super hyper but never
for a sexual thing.
As I was thinking about her I imagined her
biting my chest and sides...Scratching at
my back and tearing me appart. Now givin
that I would not make a move on her nor
would I jump in bed with her this
fast...So I start thinking about
cutting.
Its driving me crazy, im at work and I
just want to go home and tear myself
appart. Im hoping that I can stop this
and just enjoy the ride untill I start
downing...I know im gona have to see my
psychologists tomorrw because I can tell
im becoming a mess.
Now in regardes of this girl. I
understand that I dont want a relationship
so im not feeling like this becuase of
tension....I dont know what it is.
Im getting hot flashes and am constantly
pushed into a day dream.
Is this from not having physical
interaction with someone in along time?
Is this what maschoism is? All I can
think about is cutting and lying there
enjoying every second of it.....
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-14-07 11:14am
Well thankfully I didnt cut yesterday.
Its been way to long I realy dont wana
stat it all again. As I was leaving work
I was so pumped up that I really didnt
know what was going on...I ran a red
light, was just freaking out. As soon as
I got home I imediatly called my mom to
take her out for dinner...This was a big
stress reliever.
After dinner I decyded to go running so I
did. I ran and ran and ran, did 100 push
ups, 100 sit ups some arm circles and
jumping jacks. I ran down by the beach
and it was freezing! Thankfully this
blew off some energy. I was still in a
super werid mood all day yesterday and im
checking up with my Dr. Today at lunch
time.
Today being vday im sure a little
depression will set in but im ready for
it. Lets just hope that today goes
smooth. ^_^
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 02-14-07 11:27am
I do not know much about bipolar, but I do
know a lot about cutting. I am so glad
that you got past the point of cutting
before you did. Good job. I know how
hard it is not too, once you get the
thought in your head. I know the feeling
and it's there until you do cut. But now
in all reality, what does it accomplish?
Not much of anything. Lol
anyway, kudos for you!!!!
And wtg taking your mama out to dinner.
What a good person.
|
SimeonCross
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Posts: 22 Location: S. California
Re: I Want to Cut. Posted: 02-19-07 21:06pm
Color of Paper
wrote:
I am now confused. I met a
few new friends a few weeks ago and have
been hanging out with them. One of them
is a girl and we have kissed once while
very drunk and dacing...When ever we go
out she sleeps with me in my bed...No
sexual contact though just a little bit of
cuddleing and looking at each other.
I normaly have no sexual desire untill I
start really falling for someone. Well
today something happend to me and i'm
having a hard time explaining it becuase
its new.
I know i'm in a very very up mood now and
extremely day dreamy. Today I was
thinking about her sexualy and got in this
super werid mood. I know ive cut before
while depressed or super hyper but never
for a sexual thing.
As I was thinking about her I imagined her
biting my chest and sides...Scratching at
my back and tearing me appart. Now givin
that I would not make a move on her nor
would I jump in bed with her this
fast...So I start thinking about cutting.
Its driving me crazy, im at work and I
just want to go home and tear myself
appart. Im hoping that I can stop this
and just enjoy the ride untill I start
downing...I know im gona have to see my
psychologists tomorrw because I can tell
im becoming a mess.
Now in regardes of this girl. I
understand that I dont want a relationship
so im not feeling like this becuase of
tension....I dont know what it is.
Im getting hot flashes and am constantly
pushed into a day dream.
Is this from not having physical
interaction with someone in along time?
Is this what maschoism is? All I can
think about is cutting and lying there
enjoying every second of
it.....
Part of being bipolar is having hyper
sexual feelings. It doesn't happen all
the time or we would be in high demand.
But it does happen and with CBT it teaches
to let the feeling go through you and not
to deny it.
So make sure you practice safe sex and
enjoy yourself. It is all part of being
human and bipolar.
