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Q: I Want to Cut.
asked by: Color of Paper on February 13th, 2007
Experienced User
I am now confused. I met a few new friends a few weeks ago and have been hanging out with them. One of them is a girl and we have kissed once while very drunk and dacing...When ever we go out she sleeps with me in my bed...No sexual contact though just a little bit of cuddleing and looking at each other.

I normaly have no sexual desire untill I start really falling for someone. Well today something happend to me and i'm having a hard time explaining it becuase its new.

I know i'm in a very very up mood now and extremely day dreamy. Today I was thinking about her sexualy and got in this super werid mood. I know ive cut before while depressed or super hyper but never for a sexual thing.

As I was thinking about her I imagined her biting my chest and sides...Scratching at my back and tearing me appart. Now givin that I would not make a move on her nor would I jump in bed with her this fast...So I start thinking about cutting.

Its driving me crazy, im at work and I just want to go home and tear myself appart. Im hoping that I can stop this and just enjoy the ride untill I start downing...I know im gona have to see my psychologists tomorrw because I can tell im becoming a mess.

Now in regardes of this girl. I understand that I dont want a relationship so im not feeling like this becuase of tension....I dont know what it is.

Im getting hot flashes and am constantly pushed into a day dream.

Is this from not having physical interaction with someone in along time? Is this what maschoism is? All I can think about is cutting and lying there enjoying every second of it.....
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Color of Paper
replied on February 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Well thankfully I didnt cut yesterday. Its been way to long I realy dont wana stat it all again. As I was leaving work I was so pumped up that I really didnt know what was going on...I ran a red light, was just freaking out. As soon as I got home I imediatly called my mom to take her out for dinner...This was a big stress reliever.

After dinner I decyded to go running so I did. I ran and ran and ran, did 100 push ups, 100 sit ups some arm circles and jumping jacks. I ran down by the beach and it was freezing! Thankfully this blew off some energy. I was still in a super werid mood all day yesterday and im checking up with my Dr. Today at lunch time.

Today being vday im sure a little depression will set in but im ready for it. Lets just hope that today goes smooth. ^_^
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Sunflower_pie81
replied on February 14th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I do not know much about bipolar, but I do know a lot about cutting. I am so glad that you got past the point of cutting before you did. Good job. I know how hard it is not too, once you get the thought in your head. I know the feeling and it's there until you do cut. But now in all reality, what does it accomplish? Not much of anything. Lol

anyway, kudos for you!!!!

And wtg taking your mama out to dinner. What a good person.
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SimeonCross
replied on February 19th, 2007
New User
Re: I Want to Cut.
Color of Paper wrote:
I am now confused. I met a few new friends a few weeks ago and have been hanging out with them. One of them is a girl and we have kissed once while very drunk and dacing...When ever we go out she sleeps with me in my bed...No sexual contact though just a little bit of cuddleing and looking at each other.


I normaly have no sexual desire untill I start really falling for someone. Well today something happend to me and i'm having a hard time explaining it becuase its new.


I know i'm in a very very up mood now and extremely day dreamy. Today I was thinking about her sexualy and got in this super werid mood. I know ive cut before while depressed or super hyper but never for a sexual thing.


As I was thinking about her I imagined her biting my chest and sides...Scratching at my back and tearing me appart. Now givin that I would not make a move on her nor would I jump in bed with her this fast...So I start thinking about cutting.


Its driving me crazy, im at work and I just want to go home and tear myself appart. Im hoping that I can stop this and just enjoy the ride untill I start downing...I know im gona have to see my psychologists tomorrw because I can tell im becoming a mess.


Now in regardes of this girl. I understand that I dont want a relationship so im not feeling like this becuase of tension....I dont know what it is.


Im getting hot flashes and am constantly pushed into a day dream.

Is this from not having physical interaction with someone in along time? Is this what maschoism is? All I can think about is cutting and lying there enjoying every second of it.....



Part of being bipolar is having hyper sexual feelings. It doesn't happen all the time or we would be in high demand. But it does happen and with CBT it teaches to let the feeling go through you and not to deny it.

So make sure you practice safe sex and enjoy yourself. It is all part of being human and bipolar.
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