I am now confused. I met a few new friends a few weeks ago and have been hanging out with them. One of them is a girl and we have kissed once while very drunk and dacing...When ever we go out she sleeps with me in my bed...No sexual contact though just a little bit of cuddleing and looking at each other.

I normaly have no sexual desire untill I start really falling for someone. Well today something happend to me and i'm having a hard time explaining it becuase its new.

I know i'm in a very very up mood now and extremely day dreamy. Today I was thinking about her sexualy and got in this super werid mood. I know ive cut before while depressed or super hyper but never for a sexual thing.

As I was thinking about her I imagined her biting my chest and sides...Scratching at my back and tearing me appart. Now givin that I would not make a move on her nor would I jump in bed with her this fast...So I start thinking about cutting.

Its driving me crazy, im at work and I just want to go home and tear myself appart. Im hoping that I can stop this and just enjoy the ride untill I start downing...I know im gona have to see my psychologists tomorrw because I can tell im becoming a mess.

Now in regardes of this girl. I understand that I dont want a relationship so im not feeling like this becuase of tension....I dont know what it is.

Im getting hot flashes and am constantly pushed into a day dream.

Is this from not having physical interaction with someone in along time? Is this what maschoism is? All I can think about is cutting and lying there enjoying every second of it.....