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apathetic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 2
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Is It Normal to Not Desire Sex?
Posted: 02-12-07 15:25pm
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I'm a 25 yr old, straight female. I have
struggled with vaginismus and after
working with dilators was finally able to
have sex in june of 06. I have no sexual
desire and only have sex to please my bf.
I get no pleasure from the sex, sometimes
it hurts and I have to use a prescription
numbing gel (lidocaine 2% jelly). I only
get pleasure from having dry sex and it
isn't that much pleasure. I have been to
the gynecologist to get checked out and
they didn't find anything wrong.
I'm wondering if I just don't get turned
on enough or if there is something else
wrong. I never feel sexually excited and
my bf is always the one to initiate
things. I dislike bodily fluids. I find
the concept of oral sex gross and can't
handle my bf doing that to me. I dislike
giving him oral sex but will do so
occasionally if I have a cup to spit in.
Although I am on birth control, I make my
bf wear a condom because I hate bodily
fluids. I also hate how when having sex
you sweat and you can feel the other
person sweating. Then you are done and
after you've showered you lay on the same
sheets, yuck! I have to use a silicone
based lubricant, and lots of it because
water based just doesn't do much.
Is this normal?
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honeys04
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 26
Location: Virginia
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Posted: 02-12-07 15:36pm
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Wow bless your heart....Im not gonna say
if thats normal or not cause idk....But do
u get aroused by pleasuring yourself?
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 02-12-07 15:41pm
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Does anything turn you on? Maybe you
could try and see by yourself what turns
you on and talk to your bf and explain
things. It also sounds to me like you
have a slight case of germ phobia or
something and seem to put too much
emphasis on the bodily fluids than what
you are doing. Maybe you could take up
meditating or something. I honestly
think you need to see a thrapist. Maybe
something happened to you when you were
younger that's making you like this.
Sorry i'm not a huge help. 
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 171
Location: Long Beach, Ca
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Posted: 02-12-07 17:33pm
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Blaze really sumed it up. Try searching
within yourself to what turns you on...It
takes time to figure this out and I know
women have a much harder time than men.
Dont be afraid if your aroused by
something that seems...Odd......Because
everyone is different and everyone has
different fantasys.
Now for me? I feel like im the only
straight guy in the world that doesnt
desire sex. The only and single only
time I desire sex is if I fall in love
with someone. Possibly this is an
emotional thing? Many people forget how
emotional and mental sex is....So work on
it, explore and dont be afraid, things
will work out. ^_^
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Llewellyn
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 1743
Location: NY
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Posted: 02-12-07 18:00pm
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No, I would not call that normal.
Have you had any sort of counseling?
People with vaginismus usually see a
counselor rather than taking a purely
physical approach. Vaginismus is more
psychological than physical. Numbing gel
would be treating a symptom without
treating the cause, which does not make a
whole lot of sense.
It sounds as though you might also have
some issues other than the vaginismus that
a counselor might be able to help with.
It's probably worth a shot.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005
Posts: 2774
Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
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Posted: 02-12-07 23:12pm
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For the lack of sexual desire it might be
from the birth control hormones. It
happens to many women. And there is
difference from one pill to the other. I
first was using one and it dried me out
then I switched to this other one that
keeps me wet the whole cycle making sex a
lot better.
For the body fluid phobia, I have met
people like that before so you are not the
only one. And me personally I think is
absolutetly disgusting to swallow semen so
I sure don't do that. I like the idea of
condoms for what you say but oh well I
guess for that it's a matter of getting
used to. Sex without condoms feels the
more better. Regarding the sweating I
don't know but my man doesn't really sweat
when we are having sex. He might
perspire a little sometimes bit but surely
it's not like drops of sweat. I do hate
the wet spots and I sure clean them
afterwards cause no I can't sleep over
that.
Interesting post..The anti hyeginic side
of sex hehehe
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apathetic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 2
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Posted: 02-14-07 10:25am
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I never attempt to pleasure myself. As I
said I have no desire to.
I am in therapy for other things, so
haven't really talked about much of the
sex issue. I don't remember anything bad
happening to me as a child that would lead
me to be this way.
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 171
Location: Long Beach, Ca
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Posted: 02-14-07 15:13pm
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I'd say while in therapy let everything
out....Everything if your feel comfortable
with your Dr.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
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Re: Is It Normal to Not Desire Sex?
Posted: 02-14-07 15:41pm
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| apathetic
wrote: | although I am on birth
control, I make my bf wear a condom
because I hate bodily fluids. I also
hate how when having sex you sweat and you
can feel the other person sweating.
then you
are done and after you've showered you lay
on the same sheets, yuck!
is this
normal? |
change your sheets 
there are some meds you could take or it
could have to do with your daily
activities/routine?A lot of
stress,drinking alcohol,taking pills doing
any type of drugs,almost anyhting could do
it to you.I'm not implying that you do any
of those,they are just some possibilities
don't know if this will help but you could
take a look!
H
ttp://faculty.Fullerton.Edu/rlippa/sex_sur
vey/sex_survey4.Htm
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BeautifulLiesx3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 77
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Posted: 02-14-07 16:13pm
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Wow. Hmm. I think what's keeping you
from becoming turned on is you worrying to
much about how gross bodily fluids and
sweat is and stuff. If you concentrate
soooo hard on stuff that you find gross
and not enough on trying to make it
pleasurable for you, i'd imagine you
wouldn't get very aroused. Have you ever
tried to not worry about the sweat and
bodily fluids?
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