Hi

i'm sorry your having such a hard time. I don't know about the medical care system in the uk, but i'm sure they have public health services there. If you do have insurance and can see a doctor, you need to be under the care of a doctor on a regular basis. If you don't have access, as I said before, there must be some sort of public health program, and you need to see them. The fact that you already have a long history at such a young age, suggests that this is something that is not going to go away.

I am not sure from your description that you are bi-polar. But having just depression is very serious. It seems from your description, that you just don't know what feeling normal and good is like. If you were on an effective drug therapy you might feel like making plans and going places all the time. You would feel like going to the park with your kids and going to pubs with your friends.

Please seek help, you need a good doctor who will listen to you. Find someone who really listens to what you have to say, and say what you are thinking. Take notes about how you are feeling at different times and take them with you when you go.

Good luck

mia

Dear rainbow,

my 20 year old daughter was diagnosed with bi polar just over a year ago. This comes after many years of not knowing what was really wrong with her. The problem was that we kept taking her to her pediatrician who had been taking care of her since she was a baby. What she really needed was to be seen by a mental health specialist. Her pediatrician kept treating her for depression which only made her manic -depressive episodes worse. Be diligent. Get yourself to a mental health specialist. They will diagnose your condition. Try not to diagnose yourself. However, once they have reached a diagnosis, educate yourself as much as possible. This has helped our family a great deal. We are wishing you the best.

Tammys.

Hi,
it's mia again. After reading over my post I realized I did not specify seeing a pshychiatrist verses just a regular doctor. It is extremely important to see a mental health specialist, as they are the ones who keep up with the newest, best treatments for depression and bi-polar.

And once you have a diagnoses, do as the person before me said, educate yourself about the disease. Once you understand it, it is always much easier to handle. And rememeber that you should be an active participant in your own health care process. And it is up to you to take care of yourself. That includes getting 7-8 hours of sleep a day (best if you go to sleep around the same time each evening), eating at regular intervals (a balanced nutritional diet), not doing recreational drugs, and only consuming alcholholic beverages if it does not interfere with your medication and your doctor has given an ok (and only in small quantities). Drinking too much or too often can set off depression and bi-polar symptoms. And talk to your friends and family, they should be your support system, who better than those that love us to provide help and support.

Good luck,

mia

I may not have a lot of good advice like the last two posts, but I can tell you that although younger, i'm experiencing the same things.

I guess what i'm trying to say is, most importantly, you are not alone. I am dealing with the same thing and although I lose hope sometimes too, I always fight through it. I've lost sight as to why, but its habit at this point. And I know I can get passed this. You can too. Anyone with this problem can. You may not be cured but you will be able to live a normal life. Thats what so many keep telling me. You can be happy, for a long time, longer than a week. And you will. You need to make a decision though. Do you want to feel like you do right now? If you do this half heartedly, you wont get there. And if you give up after a relapse, you wont get there. You need to do everything you can that is known to make this better and even if you get no results for a long time, keep working it. Do not give up. This is my first relapse since I started my meds. It was rough. It shakes your confidence, but just from reading your story I am reminded of all the others I have talked to that are going through this same thing and I know that i'm not alone. Just that makes me feel better. Get books on the subject, every book you can get your hands on, one at a time and learn about this. You can and will feel better. Find a mental health specialist that listens and be honest with yourself and the doctor. Although you will laugh I envy you in a way because I wish I had the one thing that I know would keep the thoughts of ending it away. You have kids. You have to be here for them. Everyone in my life is old enough and detached enough to be able to reason away my wanting to go. No matter what, your children will never understand. And you have no idea how much they will miss you if you are gone. We are all different but we all have one thing in common. We all have this spirit inside that gives us the energy to keep fighting. To keep getting up, even if its just to get knocked down again. You can do this, because eventually, this wont be able to knock you down again. And in time, it will turn into a speed bump, and then a pebble in the road. And the longer you fight, in the future, your children will see that you are a fighter, that you got through this. It will show them that they can fight through anything. And once you start, this all seems monotonous and slow. Keep working it. Keep learning about it. Spend your time when your depressed or have nothing to do reading about this. You will see that you can feel normal and good. Hope is so important. And you need to first, get with a good mental health specialist and then work on your hope. You can do this, we all can.
I am always available for others like me.

Who said you don't have any good advice? That was great, whether you're younger or not. Good luck to you as well, and take your own advice, it always gets better!

Best to all
mia

I know of something that could help you with your depression. It is available in the uk. If you would like to know more e-mail me and I could share that with you.