I've been reading through many of the topics written before mine, and I see many of you are happy to help, so perhaps i'm able to get advice from you guys, better than I have from my so-called friends....

Ok, i'm a twenty year old female, close to twenty-one. I've been diagnosed with a few things, some I can understand, while others completely elude me. I've been told by many a doctor that i'm bi-polar, and I can understand that it has to do with my mood swings, but other than that, I have no clue. I refused at the time to be put on any medicine, but now i'm thinking maybe it would have been easier to just take it.

A little background information, and perhaps the reason I was diagnosed as this. I've always been suicidal after a few things I won't get into, but that I deem as my fault. My parents never knew about these things, other than the fact I was always trying to end my life, so they took me to a phyciatrist (sp?) that told me I was bi-polar, and I had to many problems for her to help me. My mom, not believing the bi-polar part took me to several other doctors, and the diagnosed me as the same... >.< though i'm still not sure how they figured it out.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, back to the topic. I quit cutting, close to a year ago, and for that, i'm really proud of myself. I've recently found a guy that I like, and i've gotten even more depressed than I was before I stopped cutting. I'm happy when he's around, but when he's gone, i've just started crying, and things. I'm scared that even though I haven't cut in a year now, that it might start again. And i'm not sure if this has anything with me being bi-polar, or if i'm just screwed up. If theres anyone that can offer advice, please do so. I'm not sure exactly what i'm asking for, I just need help, but I don't want to take the medicine.

♥chelle♥