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Q: Hello I Am New.

asked by: wilsam on February 9th, 2004

New User

I am very angry and tired my deal in life is:i was born hyperactive and there was not alot known about it at the time so I was just an attention seeking spoilt brat.I got diagnosed with depression at 17.I have had 3 violent relationships,being raped by an ex,cheated on and given chlamydia which went undiagnosed and became pelvic inflammatory disease and led to an ectopic and did enough damage to make me need ivf if I ever want children.I lost my dad to cancer nearly two years ago also.I have seen counsellors but they don't seem to be able to help me.My doctor referred me to a psychotherapist who was sarcastic when I said I want the mental pain to go away.He actually said I was using my infertility as an excuse.It has made me think that maybe I am too mentally damaged.I wanted to try a hypnotist as he can get in my head and sort it out but my doctor recommended I dont.How else am I supposed to get rid of this rubbish that has been building up since I was born?Any ideas will be welcomed,thank you.

Replies(8)

manfat

replied on February 9th, 2004

New User

Hi! I Am New Also

Don't give up on a psychologist/councellor as they are not all bad, you would probably be better off with a female from the sound of it, but they might not be able to understand it all fully. You could also try "group" sessions where support and advice can come from people who have 1st hand experience, I personally would suggest going to different ones relating to the different areas you feel you need help in. It might be difficult, but you shouldn't hold anything back, which ever way you try.
Don't give up, keep an open mind and try new people if the first ones don't work. Pm me also if you wanna chat!

qt3

replied on February 10th, 2004

Experienced User

Re: Hello I Am New.

wilsam wrote:

i am very angry and tired my deal in life is:i was born hyperactive and there was not alot known about it at the time so I was just an attention seeking spoilt brat.I got diagnosed with depression at 17.I have had 3 violent relationships,being raped by an ex,cheated on and given chlamydia which went undiagnosed and became pelvic inflammatory disease and led to an ectopic and did enough damage to make me need ivf if I ever want children.I lost my dad to cancer nearly two years ago also.I have seen counsellors but they don't seem to be able to help me.My doctor referred me to a psychotherapist who was sarcastic when I said I want the mental pain to go away.He actually said I was using my infertility as an excuse.It has made me think that maybe I am too mentally damaged.I wanted to try a hypnotist as he can get in my head and sort it out but my doctor recommended I dont.How else am I supposed to get rid of this rubbish that has been building up since I was born?Any ideas will be welcomed,thank you.

manfat gave you some very good advice. I would just add that you may want to look into cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt). It was the answer for me. I was on meds for many years and in and out of therapists offices before I found cbt and it cured me and got me off meds in a remarkably short period of time. Cbt is not like other talk therapy. A good cbt therapist does not care much about your past or why you think you feel the way you do etc. A good cbt therapist knows they cannot change what's already happened to you but they can help you change how you deal with what happens in your life from here on out. It's all about using the tools to learn to think more clearly and accurately about things and once you do your anxiety, panic and depression will miraculously begin to lift before your eyes. My favorite starter book on cbt is "been there, done that? Do this! By sam obitz based on what I have seen with the people I know who used cbt the more dedicated you are to the tools the faster and deeper the recovery regardless of how bad their anxiety was when they got started. It was inspiring to see the people that dove in head first and how fast they started seeing results to those of us like me that were more skeptical and less dedicated to using the tools in the beginning. Like anything in life the more you put in the more you get out of cbt. That's why I think group settings can be especially effective with cbt because you can see the people that are working the hardest to get well making the most progress and it becomes infectious.

Hope this is helpful :p

q

wilsam

replied on February 10th, 2004

New User

Very Helpful.

Thank you for the advice I will see whats available in my area.There are some things I am too ashamed to talk about.My mind just seems so full that it makes me mentally tired and emotional and feel its too painful in and too painful letting it out.I hate myself for what I have allowed happen to me.I think my partner has had enough of it but not many people have this many bad experiences and are able to come out the other end unscathed.I am not saying I should be like this but it don't surprise me either.I am 31 so I could have another 40 years of collecting bad experiences.I need to get off this conveyer belt and look for solutions to this mess.I will let you know what I do and how I get on.Need to build courage first.Thanks again.

manfat

replied on February 11th, 2004

New User

Ashamed??? Hate Youreself???

You should never feel ashamed of things that have happened in the past, especially those that are beyond your control! Things happen that we cant stop and you have to accept that and stop blaming yourself.
Counsellors/ etc are trained to deal with everything you can throw at them and to help you deal with it too. You are not mentally damaged you are trying to deal with your experiences, and as far as I can tell the only thing "wrong" with you is the fact that you keep blaming yourself. Granted, I don't know your details, but even I know that nobody asks for, or deserves, what you have been through- not even you-

remember that only you can get yourself off that conveyer belt, but help is out there

wilsam

replied on February 11th, 2004

New User

Blamed And Ashamed.

I was made to feel like an annoyance and I was due to my hyperactivity.I am a very loving person and have always needed to feel loved.My family found it hard because unknown to them I was hyperactive.I have gone through my life looking for someone to love me no matter what.That's why I have suffered physical,sexual and mental abuse.I feel like I am being punished.It hurts that my insides were left to rot causing my infertility just when I find a decent man who loves me no matter what.Two years ago this april my dad passed away,he had prostrate cancer he left a lump he found for a year so it was too late.Don't worry I will get there.I have no choice but to keep going for the sake of my partner.Thank you for the support.

manfat

replied on February 11th, 2004

New User

Keep It Up!

I think your attitude is great and the love you have found is brilliant! :d remember to keep going for yourself also. You can achieve anything you want if you try Wink

wilsam

replied on February 11th, 2004

New User

Attitude

Thank you.I am glad I have been through what I have in a way as I am a stronger,wiser person and i'm still youngish.Remember what don't kill you only makes you stronger,we will live to fight another day.It must be the medication.V.Nice talking to you by the way.

qt3

replied on February 12th, 2004

Experienced User

Re: Attitude

wilsam wrote:

thank you.I am glad I have been through what I have in a way as I am a stronger,wiser person and i'm still youngish.Remember what don't kill you only makes you stronger,we will live to fight another day.It must be the medication.V.Nice talking to you by the way.

great posts again manfat...

Wilsam I love your attitude too. You will make it :d I hope you are able to find some cbt resources in your area as when you mentioned feeling like an annoyance that is exactly what the author of the book I referenced mentioned feeling like in his book and cbt was the answer for him too. Good luck and keep us postred on your progress Shocked

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