Depression Forum - Hmm I'm Starting to Wonder About Myself.

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Q: Hmm I'm Starting to Wonder About Myself.

asked by: Zadnerist on February 3rd, 2007

New User

To give an introduction to those who have not seen me before I am of 16 years of age.

Right now, as many weekends, I feel in a state were I am a million miles away from the rest of the world. I don't feel an interest in things at all, I try to do my home work but I just want to go on the computer. Every weekend is like this, the only time I don't feel like this at school. When the weekends come I just have nothing to do, and no one to talk with other than the people online. I don't feel talking to people in my real world, mainly because I find myself either annoying for them, that they loook at me at a lower level, or I just don't want to be bothered with anyone. The last one though is a definate most of the time, I don't want to be bothered by anyone. My house is like my bunker.

I feel only happy when i'm home the rest of the world either, makes me feel anxious, paranoid, and mainly bored. At school though I do find myself enjoying myself. I am a b student by the way. I don't like the summer I have nothing to do, I remeber though when I tried asking people to hang out, they had other thigns to do. But I know only few people, people lost intrest in me in mid grade school. High school i'm at peace with everyone.

I question the meaning of my exsistance, no i'm no I don't think of killing myself. If I don't know what i'm living for why should I be dying for? But it does make me feel lost and empty to think that maybe the human race was something lucky, that the things people do like have job a family is only good krama it's not required but just a disraction. So I get depressed over that maybe. Not super depressed just, "oh how dull" my out look of life gets lowered, I figure I have nothing to look forward too, i'll just become a robot and see if I can make someone esle exsistance easier, as I surreneder all my desires of nothing.

Time forgets what ever personnal things I do, so it doesn't matter much to me.

I always find my self on the internet a way to distract me with my troubles ( soical-life, etc.) and in away it does work, but how long though.
I don't like the real world, it's not a nice place. I feel like I might have to fight or I get butterflies in my stomach to the 3rd degree a lot if i'm not in a fimilar situation. I do dream alot about life with a purpose, but then i'd question the purpose within the purpose, and my beliefs dis-solve into a strange hindu like religion, i'm stuck like this untill I die and become something new. But remeber I don't get out much only for family affairs.

I don't know what esle to say other that to summarize this all into one statement.

" I feel a million miles away, alot."

Replies(8)

tannerz_rja

replied on February 3rd, 2007

New User

Your Just Depressed

You dont really make that much sence.Sorry. Sad

Zadnerist

replied on February 4th, 2007

New User

Re: Your Just Depressed

tannerz_rja wrote:

you dont really make that much sence.Sorry. Sad

and that's why I feel there isn't much hope for me

littlesqueaks

replied on February 4th, 2007

Experienced User

Maybe getting a job during your free time might help.

imaginary

replied on February 4th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Hmm I'm Starting to Wonder About Myself.

zadnerist wrote:

i always find my self on the internet a way to distract me with my troubles ( soical-life, etc.) and in away it does work, but how long though.

atleast u find interest in internet and happy with people online,right?
That's nice to hear anyway.I can understand that u always thinks positively...Thoughts like this in ur age is really common.Nothing to worry about,ok?
We all are always here for u to talk with.
Take care,
imaginary :d

Color of Paper

replied on February 4th, 2007

Experienced User

Whats up zadnerist. I know how you feel in a way.

During my adolsent I alwasy felt like I should be in a mental institue...Or that I was an alien and just didnt belong with humans. It sucks getting traped by something like "online" or videogames or what ever....Slowly you lose motivation to do anything at all.

Best advice I can give is just go out there man...Be crazy and let loose. Go to a party with friends or go bowling....Im serious just do something out of the normal.

As you get older you can start to control what you like/dislike by doing it more and more. I'm not saying if you hate bowling go do it but you know what I mean....Get active.

Remeber we are humans and our body needs certian things to live a happy and one of them is excersize...Regardless what it is...Go out see some light on a nice day and go crazy ^_^.

If you feel that things are just to hard to cop with see a Dr. Some of them will hit it right on the nail.

Best of luck man, stay up and feel free to post here whenever.

Zadnerist

replied on February 5th, 2007

New User

Awh, group hug everyone.

I would like to note to everyone, that I feel different as the day goes on, happy when the sun's up, and late at night if i'm not sleeping I get depressed.

Color of Paper

replied on February 5th, 2007

Experienced User

Possibly spend more energy during the day so your more sleepy at night ^_^.

Zadnerist

replied on February 5th, 2007

New User

color of paper wrote:

possibly spend more energy during the day so your more sleepy at night ^_^.

true.

I don't know if I can stay on the topic of depression anymore.

But I do at times suffer from rare cases of insomina, were I do strange things. I become a different person at night sometimes, all depressed and apathic.

Nuff said on that.

Yesterday I went to my friends super bowl party and I interacted with everyone very well, that being, my best friend, my friend from school and my old friend from grade school was there and 2 other kids that i'd never seen before,but we all intereacted well, but we played mainly video games, and watch the game at the same time.

Appearently I had the most laughs at the party. And I really had no second thoughts about it at all.

(another rant about myself; maybe you might read something you like that helps you, I dunno.)

i am active, I exerise alot most of the time. I try to do what I should and not what I could.

I can't be crazy, I feel like I shouldn't do it. I do let lose with the regular people I ang around in school and that's it nothing esle. I mean it's hard for me to say this without having to repeat myself.

But i'm mainly a free loner outside school, and I don't think it's doing to good with myself. I starting to think no girl likes me and my interactions with people are becoming limited, I know i'm in control of everything, after all life is really our movie, our drama, it may sound selfish but it's nice to think about it that way. But I feel like i'm not making the movie the movie is making me. I don't think I have control, but it seems like i'm in my comfort zone orbiting safely around my home planet.

I might haev a fear of adventure, but there's something inside of me that just makes me do something reguardless of what I think of it, I don't think about it, I just do it.

I've hiked 54 miles in new mexico in july of '05, but in the leading months of that I had doubts that, maybe I don't wanna go. And when the time come to sign your name, even with the large feeling of doubt I acted out, I defined what my majority brain had to say about what I was doing and did it.

I feel my performance confidence building, but that's only for things I need to do in public like read somethign aloud give a speech.

It's hard for me to really understand what's going on around me on a deeper emotional level. To relate back to what I had to say about life, in my first post. We are proably in control of our lives, but we truly don't see the controls or understand how to use them.

I just see myself calm like a bomb right now, i'm slowly beging to errupt, I just find it disappointing I don't allow myself to do more things, and I don't understand that, i've never had an legitimit analysis on myself to conivice myself and give myself closure, I do hear the common answers, but I don't see much piercing through to me, on the emotional level.

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