Wadude, your wife must have been so hurt that she needed to try and see for herself what it was that you felt was so much better to make you betray her. I am sure she's not proud of what she did now that it's over. Ask her sometime, "did it actually make you feel better to get even with me?" she wanted to hurt you like you hurt her. To let you know how it feels to be betrayed, and I can tell you from talking to both men and woman, that the men have a much harder time forgiving than women do. What you need to do is, if you want to make a go of your marriage, both of you..Sit down and talk to each other, not in anger, but objectively about what each of you needs from the other now. Chances are there are going to be some things neither of you wants to hear, but hear them, and try to figure out how to change them. When my husband and I would talk, even when we would get mad at some of the things that were said, we always felt better afterwards, and we actually became closer getting everything out on the table. Most of the time, we are afraid to talk, for fear of what we are going to hear, but the way I look at it, when you are in a loving relationship, you should not have to be afraid to tell your partner of your feelings. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend and confidant. If you have to be afraid to speak your mind for fear of the other leaving, then you really shouldn't be together. I hope you and your wife can settle things and get back to healing your marriage. It's worth it in the long run. There is nothing more beautiful in life than going through it with the one person you love and trust, raising a beautiful family and growing old together. No matter what the tv shows try to show us about the single life, from my experiences, I can tell you I have never seen so many lonely sad people, all looking for love..Not sex. Sex is a wonderful thing, but after it's over, you still have to maintain a relationship with the other person, and that's where the problems start. Affairs come to pass because of the way that other person makes you feel in the moment, not the actual sex that's involved. Good luck to you wadude, and you too d!

I'm not sure if it's getting even. What I did was more than 1 year ago. Her last thing was less than 2 weeks ago. It happened once. She's been doing this for 6 months. Not to mention that getting even is certainly not going to make things better.
Anyway, i'm not sure if women forgive more easily than men. I knew something was going 6 months ago. I confronted her at this time and she denied everything. And at this time, I told her I didn't care because I wanted our mariage to work. I would have forgiven her right away. Even now, I know the first time was out of anger. I have a much harder time for has happened recently.
But, in reality, I realize that it is not the cheating that bothers me but the context.
We've talked during counselling sessions of the issues we have. I work a lot and about 2 years ago I wasn't always available. When I told her what happened, she told me about me being absent etc. And I changed for the best, right away, so we got to do a lot of things together.
However, she doesn't want to work, and she doesn't want to have babies (and at this stage, obviously babies are really not a good idea). She wants a constraint-free life.
So, this is where the context comes into play. I support our family, she enjoys her time working out, shopping, having lunch with friends (but not having time to have lunch with me, even before something happened).
I obviously realize that this is not an excuse to betray her the way I did, but this was already an issue before I betrayed her and now, it's becoming more of an issue.
We talked about it several times and the counsellor actually told me that I had to realize that she just didn't like to work.
By the way, i'm really not the type to hold grudge and I am very trusting. She still goes to the place where she met the two guys. I'm ok with it. Really. Why? Because in the end, if we want to make things work, we need to trust each other. If I told her, we're going to make things work, but you don't go there anymore, there seems to be some trust issue and it has to be 100%. It's a black and white thing. Either you trust someone or you don't and I made the choice to trust her (although the wound is only 1 week old).

Ok, first, yes, you want to be able to trust again, but she has got to prove that she can be trusted. You can't trust without her giving you some kind of assurance. If you have been trying since you cheated, an have shown her you are sincerce, does she really believe you? If yes, then it's time to work on her betrayal. She has to want to stop, and make your marriage work, or you are wasting your time. The majority of women do forgive more than men, but there are always the exceptions to the rule.
Catering to her every whim is not the answer either. Yes, you cheated, yes, you are sorry and want to stay with her and make your marriage work again, now she has to put forth her efforts as well. If she does not want to work or have children, will you be ok with this for the duration? If not, you have problems to work out. Find out what you both want from this relationships and move towards it. If there is no common ground, then maybe you should cut loose. You aren't going be ok with her going places where there are men she has cheated with in the past, unless it's the workplace, where there isn't much you can do about it. She, as well as you, have got to stay away from temptations as much as possible. That is part of proving trust. When trust is finally established, then you can begin to do things and go places from before. You need some time to get the trust back. But actually, the truth is, if they want to cheat, they are going to do it, no matter where. After my husband was back home a few months, he asked me if it still bothered me that he works at the same place the other woman still did, and I said yes, but it was him who begged me to take him back and make the marriage work. I was giving it one more chance, so if I couldn't trust him there, icouldn't trust him anywhere. End of discussion. All this has to be hashed out before the healing process has to begin. It's going to be hard, and there will be battles, but that doesn't mean you can't still work it out once all the hurt and frustration comes out into the open. And she needs to be honest, and open up to you, and vice versa, or you are beating your heads against a brick wall.

Thanks for the answer raven.
Actually, the reason I want to be able to forgive right away is because i've seen what not being able to leads to. It took us more than a year to see her trusting me again and loving me. But this was done also getting even somehow and the last one being very recent.
I don't want to have her go through what I went through while dealing with my own stupidity.
That said, children are out of question it seems and on the long term, this is a major issue for me.

I really wish you the best wadude. Trust takes time, but there has to be a basis for it. You both have got to want to make your marriage work, or there is no sense in even trying. All it will get you is miserable, and you can be that alone. Hope she comes around to seeing things your way. You sure sound sincere to me about being sorry. If you have told her that, and yet she still needed to get revenge, that should have been enough for her. But if she continues to cheat, then you have done all you can do. She just might be the kind of woman that needs constant attention from men after having tasted it. The only problem with that is, women like that expect too much of a man. Being "everything" in another person's life is too much pressure to put on anybody. Nobody could live up to it for long. Good luck my friend, and god bless.

Oh I am sorry! I'm so deeply sorry that because of my selfishness or whatever it is, I hurt her so much, and when I told her, I said that I would wait all the time needed for things to come back but that I wanted things to be even better than before. That we learn to communicate etc.

And I did and still do absolutely everything I could for things to come around. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her but unfortunately, this isn't reciprocated.

I am still hopeful, but it's getting difficult