Chris came home after work. He took a shower right away, changed his clothes, then had to leave again because he's going to get completely wasted tonight because his stupid friend is moving away. He comes into the kitchen to give me a hug & a kiss, & I look at him funny & ask him why his jacket smells like smoke. He shrugs & says it's probably from somebody on break at work earlier that day. He starts to walk away. Nuh uh. I follow him & say "did you smoke?" & .He averts his eyes & tells me no. I ask him again, "did you smoke?" .He tells me no because he doesn't even have any cigarettes. He's trying hard to get away from me, now. So I said "you did, didn't you?" .He hides his face & tries to deny it more. So I ask him, "did you start smoking again?" .Finally he admits it. What. The. F*ck. For those who don't know, .Chris used to be a smoker, once we find out I was pregnant, he wouldn't quit. I kept asking him to please please please quit because it would make me feel sick & I don't want the father of my son to be a smoker. He finally agreed to quit & got on the patch. Worked great. Now I find out he's been !**@! smoking behind my back (he pulled this !**@! about a year & a half ago, too). He keeps telling me he only does it work. Well, I ask him if he keeps doing it at work if that's going to make him want to do it more when he's not at work. He says yes. I tell him that we really can't be wasting money on incredibly' cigarettes when we're so broke as it is & our son is gonna be here in a few weeks. His defense? "i only bought one pack this week..." .Completely missing the goddam point. I said ".It's going to escalate & you don't even care." ... He says "i don't really." I tell him he's selfish. He goes off on a tangent & he had the nerve to say to me: ".You're the selfish one, always telling me what to do."
.Yeah. It's really selfish that I care so much about him & worry about him. Sorry, .I'll cut back on that. I have never told him what he can & cannot do. We agreed on no smoking & he lied to me & went behind my back. If he does something I don't like .I'm honest with him & tell him I wish he wouldn't do it, but I respect him & let him do his own thing.
He tells me to quit being stupid.
So I ask him how is it selfish of me to not want him to smoke because I worry about him? How is it selfish of me to not want him to smoke because we have a son & I don't want him being exposed to something that can & will hurt him? How is it selfish that I don't want him to smoke because I don't want to watch him wither away & die. How the f*ck is that selfish?
I'm so mad I don't even know what to do right now.
I am not !**@! selfish.
I hope no smokers get offended to this. I don't care if you guys smoke, I really don't. I used to smoke. & .It's just a personal choice of mine to not do it ever again& it was a personal decision on me & .Chris's part to completely quit smoking because it's something we don't want to expose our son to at home. & .He completely went behind my back & lied to me for weeks about it. & .Then gets mad when I find out & tells me that .I'm selfish.
I am trying so !**@! hard to be a good girlfriend & a good mother & do everything I can. But apparently it isn't enough. I am so sick of everything right now.
I'm sorry guys.
I'm crying so hard & I can't even think straight right now.
Ohmigod...Krissy, I feel so bad for you right now! Seriously, he shouldn't be pulling that sh't on you. You're the mother of .H.I.S child, and you deserve to be treated 139487105745087641587495643987519482098124
times better than that. There was a commercial on comcast, and it was this guy saying why he'd quit smoking...His four year old asked if he could smoke like his daddy when he grew up. Lemme see if someone youtubed it...Gah I can't find it...It was heartbreaking though...If all else fails, tell him .Gabe comes before he does. See if that wakes him up.
He just said "well who said I am going to keep smoking when .Gabe is born?" what? Who said he wouldn't? Why would you even start up again again when he's going to be born in just a few weeks? Why would he want to waste the kind of money & effort to quit again!? I don't understand this at all.
Aww kris, I know how it is when they're being asses but as a smoker I also know how hard it is to quit (but i'm not sticking up for him!!!!!!). Guys don't get the whole baby thing till the baby is born usually (or in mike's case when your kid is 18 months old-but that's another story ) cause we're the preggos. Tell him about all the babies here with asthma and show him some articles on sids and stuff and other things tobaco smoke can do to harm the baby. Print off a wack of sh*t and put it all over the house.
Thanks .Jess. That's a good idea. I don't think he'd read anything I printed out, though. He sucks at reading. Blah. Maybe I can just print out a bunch of facts in big font so he can read it. Hahahah.
It just makes me so mad because after he quit, he was doing so awesome. He wasn't having cravings & he said he didn't miss it at all & that he felt a lot better. & .He just started up again because I guess he felt like it? I have no idea. It just really upsets me.
Not sticking up for anyone - or making justifications for him - or putting down you being angry. You have every right to whatever emotions you are feeling.
No one will quit anything until they are ready. That goes for cigarettes, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc. No one, anywhere - at any time - will ever quit until they are ready.
You were ready. You did it because it was for the good of you and your child. Some people don't think that way. Some people don't quit until they've been diagnosed with cancer - and even then some don't quit! Why? Because that is part of how they identify with themselves. Who they see themselves as.
How long did he quit for? Chase is right, baybe hes getting nervous and the pressures just getting to him, still its no excuse.
Not to try and make you feel worse, but are you sure he actualy quit? He may have just said he did and was good at hiding it until now, I know trevors done that before (not to me thankfully but to his parents and his little sister)
whatever happens I hope you can work it all out, gabe needs a good healthy mommy and daddy who have lear lungs and will let him have good lungs too
printing off statitcis or something and puting them all over everywhere sounds like a good idea, also not sure if you did this but let him know how much it hurts you (it sounds like you just had a big fight and didnt really talk) he may decide to stop
no one will quit anything until they are ready. That goes for cigarettes, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc. No one, anywhere - at any time - will ever quit until they are ready.
so true about everything!!! And the more you force the less likely he'll want to do it.
People keep telling me I should quit and "oh you went alomost a yr before when pregoo and blah blah" like duhhhh I kow I should quit (no freaking out, I don't ever smoke in my house -even if he's not here or around trey-like while out with him waiting for a bus) i'm quitting march 6, so I say. That's the date I have in my head and that's what I want, but I need to be inth right mindset. It's been said quitting cigs is harder than quitting heroin.
You feeling a bit better now thoug kris?? Oh and I so understand guys not reading anything!! think they have nothing to learn. Dumbasses.
Ok, .Baron did the *same* thing, only he didn't quit!
I was a smoker too. But the second I found out I was pregnant, I quit. Cold turkey. No weining off, nothing. I just quit. I *had* a growing life inside of me and wasn't about to risk anything.
He's a bundle of nerves. So he says, "as soon as the baby comes, I promise i'll quit." the baby came, & he said "how do you expect me to quit on the most exciting day of my life!? My nerves are on electro shock!" so I said, "fine, but you have to change your shirt every time you want to hold .Oni. And you have to wash your hands before you even *think* about *touching* her. Hell, I might even make you brush your teeth, that sh't stinks!"
so he says. "new years, i'm gonna quit. Period. I'm gonna go on a diet, and quit smoking!" well, .New .Years came and went, and he still smokes a pack a day!
it drives me insane that he could care less about his body when he now has a daughter to watch grow.
The most *!**@! up* part about it is, his .Gaga is dying from .Emphazema and he just sits backs and puffs away!!! Doesn't he realize that he's doing the same thing to his body that she did to hers?!?!! Grrrr!!!!
I don't understand. Men claim to be sooo *strong* and *soooo determined*! So why the hell is it such a big deal for *him* to quit???? I don't effin get it?!
Ok, yea, I had too. (i could've continued, but chose the health of my unborn child.) but what makes him an exception to quitting?! He's weak?! Come on, he's too big to be "weak"!!
I'm sorry .Krissy, I just totally understand where you're coming from! It's soooo frustrating!! Why don't they understand the importance of themselves?!?!?!?!?