i'm a female in my twenties without any
kind of health insurance and in a bit of
debt. I mention the debt because it's a
product of binge spending. I mention the
lack of health insurance, because I am
having some serious issues and i'm trying
to find some advice that might prevent me
from resorting to clinical therapy.
First off, I dont feel like I need
therapy. I consider myself a bright
person, and perhaps I just have the same
rational block that others who have a
problem with therapy do, but I feel like
any alteration there is to be made in my
mood and mentality can be made by my own
hand. I dont see what paying someone to
talk to me would do aside from getting me
on some kind of medication (which I really
dont want to do).
I called around my area and had some kind
of pre-visits with some local counselors
and therapists. They all pegged me with
bi-polar disorder fairly immediately. But
aside from the slight over spending, my
so-called "manic" episodes dont seem to be
doing anything too harmful. I dont do
over-the-top things you hear about in
other cases like sleeping around,
drinking, partying, drug use, lies, or
anything like that. It's very mild.
My father at first glance seems to have
had some bipolar issues in his past, and
he also seems to have controlled them with
age and realization. His temper used to
escalate to the point where it was
physical and he would realize the error of
his ways and take a mental dive,
threatening suicide, caliming noone
understood him. He has a history of
substance abuse as well. He is also
magnificantly giving, kind, brilliant and
creative at times. I think about the good
vs the bad that he has done, and it would
seem a great social unjustice to stifle
his good side.
I have not had much history with substance
abuse. I dont like the feeling of not
being in control, because I have that so
often without chemical alteration.
The quick diagnosis these few people gave
me worries me for a number of reasons. I
feel like this diagnosis has become a
blanket - a catch all. I dont want the
feelings I get when i'm not feeling "down"
to go away. I'm a creative person, and my
best work comes from these times. Many
great artists have had bipolar tendencies,
and what would we have had we medicated
them? And although there was a time when
suicide was at the forefront of my mind
when on a down swing - I seem to have
talked myself out of that. I changed
birth control and it has seemed to take
the rough edges off of both sides of the
"blade".
The problem isn't even that bad for me,
honestly. I can cope. The real issue is
here : i'm in a relationship with an
absolutley wonderful, caring, and
thankfully forgiving person with whom I
share a sense of humor, comfort,
friendship as well as strong physical
attraction. I've hit the jackpot. I feel
like im constantly compromising our
relationship though. I feel like I can
just be a horrible witch to him out of
nowhere. It's usually control issues.
The "did you do this?!""did you do
that?!""you said you would do this!!" kind
of things - but glorified to the point of
obsession. The major problem is that I
realize i'm doing it. I just can't stop.
I also have some jealousy and mistrust
issues. I just dont know how to stop them
i have anger issues. I have control
issues. I want things done my way most of
the time. I have an obsession with my
current boyfriends sexual history. I
masochistically dig for dirt on him, and I
need to constantly hear I am the best he's
ever had. I do things to make him angry.
I nit pick and nag and watch myself do it
but cant control it. Its like this sick
part of me likes where it goes. And then
I physically confront him, get in his face
and poke and prod until he retaliates. I
started this early in the relationship.
He is trained in martial arts and knows
ways to control my body without hurting me
too much, but I think I tought him to be
more forceful with me. He flies off the
handle sooner now, and I know that it is
my fault. I've worn his tolerance thin
for me, and the sad part is that I feel
like i'm getting better. As I said, I got
off the birth control I was on and that
seemed to help quite a lot. It just seems
like, due to my actions, his tolerance is
so short that I cant improve fast enough
or well enough to within his tolerance
range anymore.
I really really dont want to be put on
medication. I feel like...If changing my
birth control helped so much, what other
parts of my life can I change before
resorting to chemicals. My diet? I've
tried more exercise. It definately seems
to help a bit too. It helps relax me, so
my hang ups arent as intense.
Any other advice on the matter would be
just wonderful. Thanks for reading.
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 01-30-07 12:17pm
Hi there, im usualy open for discussion
about different topics and what not.
I've been diagnosesd with bipolar by many
different Dr.'s and what not. Ive said
"and what not" 2 much.
Relationships can be very life enduring.
They can make you act certian ways to
where you will rationalize with yourself
that there is something wrong with
you...Make sense?
I'm not saying any definate thing...There
could be a chemical imballance but thats
for a Dr. To say. Best thing to do is
find some common ground, a stable mental
state then evaulate yourself. Its easy
to get caught up in emotions with a
relationship and think your crazy or
somethings wrong...But like I said about
thats for a Dr. To say.
you just explained my past relationship to
a “t”. My ex was bipolar. I
sympathize with your boyfriend. My advice
of course is to get medicated. I
haven’t heard many if any bipolars who
are not medicated being able to sustain a
lasting relationship. Even on the
medication, it is difficult. You have
said some very “key” phrases in your
post.
First off, I don’t feel like I need
therapy.
The problem isn't even that bad for me,
honestly. I can cope
the major problem is that I realize i’m
doing it. I just can't stop.
I have anger issues. I have control
issues. I want things done my way most of
the time.
People that are bipolar don’t think they
have a problem. So understand that and
trust the doctors you went to for advice.
You do have a problem, you are bipolar.
You say the problem isn’t even bad for
you but then you go on explaining how
horrible you are to your boyfriend.
–very typical of bipolars. You need
help, don’t be afraid to get it
your last statement about anger and
control issues and wanting things done
your way is how most bipolars are. You
can’t control your mood swings by birth
control, exercise and free will. You have
a “chemical imbalance” in your brain.
Don’t look at it any differently then
any other illness. You certainly
wouldn’t try to cure cancer on your own
would you? Get the help you need so you
can try and have a loving relationship
with your boyfriend. Why not give the
relationship every opportunity you can?
And my biggest advice in addition to
getting medicated is to get into therapy
with your boyfriend. It will beneficial
to you both.
|
loadedguncmplx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Nipomo, CA
Posted: 02-01-07 16:46pm
Rhi,
realistically you dont have to do
psychotherapy just because you're bipolar.
You can soley go to a psychiatrist and
get on a medication that works for you
because anyone here thats bipolar will
tell you that just because it's a bipolar
med, doesn't mean it's going to work for
you. The hope though, is that you would
do psychotherapy so that you can identify
your triggers and your symptoms of mania
and depression, as well as euthymia (a
normal non-depressed, reasonably positive
mood). The benefit to that is that you
can recognize when you are going to have a
manic/depressed/mixed-cycle episode.
And if you don't have a chemical imbalance
in your head then you should be able to
alter your mood and mentality on your own
but just by the situations you've
described thats not happening. And the
over-the-top things that you described
(drinking, sleeping around, partying, drug
use, etc.) aren't really the things that
most people with bd do.
Here are the key things that stand out to
me that are bipolar symptoms:
you minimize your over-spending which,
over-spending (which has to do with
impulse control), is a textbook sign of
bd
you don't like being in control (which
growing up with a family of bipolar women
they all had to be in control, even with
other women I know that have bd have
control issues as well)
you mentioned suicidal ideations (the
annual average suicide rate in males and
females with bd is 10 to more than 20
times that in the general population.
It is reoccuring during mixed states such
as dysphoric mania and agitated
depression)
as for your relationship with your
boyfriend goes, do you plan on marrying
this man? If so you should know that
the divorce rate for couples where at
least one spouse is bipolar and medicated
is 90%. I'm not sure what the rate is
for unmedicated but i'm trying to find it.
But I would say its not grasping too
far to say that its pretty close to
100%.
I'm not going to go into detail on all of
them but here are some things that you
said that are all symptoms of mixed states
common in bipolar i:
rage
impulsiveness
irritability
paranoia (which is just a way that
jealousy and mistrust manifest
themselves)
all of your actions that you've described
are common for mixed states which can be
the most volatile of the bipolar states,
as moods can easily and quickly be
triggered or shifted.
As for the idea that you feel that if you
were to take bipolar medication that you
still wouldnt have the normal ups and
downs of life is based off of an illness
that you don't have a very good grasp on
because you still experience the full
range of emotions when you're on mood
stabalizers. Its even common for people
to have hypomanic episodes while still on
medication which show themselves as
increased creativity, productivity,
confidence, energetic, euphoria,
charismatic, and with an overflow of new
ideas. So don't think that just because
you get on medication its going to stifle
your personality. You will still be
able to feel the full spectrum of emotions
they just make your manic and clinical
depression episodes fewer and farther
between. I think that you would be
surprised how much your relationship would
improve with your boyfriend if you only
got on a mood stabalizer and didn't
participate in psychotherapy. I've only
come off of my medication 1 time and it
was for two months and ever since I got
back on them my relationship with my
girlfriend has been spectacular. But in
addition we have also been doing couples
counselling which I have found extremely
helpful and productive.
I see a lot of fear in what you've said
but I assure you, it really isn't the end
of the world to have to go on mood
stabalizers. And if you do choose not to,
things (i guarantee you) will continue to
go downhill and get worse because bd is a
progressive illness and over time,
especially time not on medication, it just
gets worse. Our brain chemistry is
constanly changing which is why we have to
get on new medications every couple years
or so. But once you find one that works
the rewards will be monumental.
Ps:
there are many famous and successful
people who are bipolar (buzz aldrin, dmx,
axl rose, sting, martin lawrence, sharon
stone, robert downey jr, ben stiller, and
jean-claude van damme just to name a few)
|
Rhi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 02-02-07 12:42pm
I just wrote about 3000 words and when I
went to preview it erased all of it -
sooooooo let me begin again. (another
thing - I actually do know how to
capitalize things correctly. This forum
changes my upper and lower case letters
around for fun, it seems. Or maybe i'm
just being paranoid....)
thank you all so much for your replies.
A couple of things.
In response to:
adnor
wrote:
people that are bipolar
don’t think they have a problem. So
understand that and trust the doctors you
went to for advice. You do have a
problem, you are bipolar.
You say the problem isn’t even bad for
you but then you go on explaining how
horrible you are to your boyfriend.
–very typical of bipolars. You need
help, don’t be afraid to get it
your last statement about anger and
control issues and wanting things done
your way is how most bipolars are. You
can’t control your mood swings by birth
control, exercise and free
will.
i have no issue admitting I have a
problem. I know I have a big problem. I
wouldn’t be here otherwise. I have
shown my original post to my boyfriend,
which would have been a major assault on
my own ego before recently, and he is
happy that I am seeking advice here.
He is very aware of the separation
statistic that lgcmplx mentioned, and it
worries him too, because we do very very
well together otherwise. He would also
like to use medication only as a last
resort, often saying “when we are good
– we are so good it outweighs the bad
times”.
I say the problem isn’t bad for me
because, if I were living alone in a hole
somewhere or even alone in say, my mom’s
basement – not in a grown up
relationship – I would not have a
problem. The issue is with how I handle
other people, specifically and most
importantly – him. I have not had many
problems with other people in my past. I
had some issues with my father, but he was
much worse off than I am. It does not
affect my daily life, and I feel like if I
were to share some of my bad stories with
even my closest friends, they wouldn’t
believe it. Why is it only directed at
this one person? Because he is the
closest and dearest to me? Because I
don’t think he will leave? Or is it
just a problem between the two of us?
There was an issue where he did betray my
trust, which means my trust issues
aren’t completely unwarranted. I
discovered he was partaking in some
internet pornography – which I guess
shouldn’t have been such a big deal.
The problem was that it had been discussed
prior to the event that it tickled my own
insecurities - that I would rather him not
do that without me, or at very least, tell
me about it if he needed it. He seemed to
understand, agreeing that it would sting
his ego a bit to feel like I needed more
than he was giving me. I have a very
healthy sex drive and I never leave him
wanting. He is accustomed to being a very
private person, while he also a very
sexual person, so I kind of understood his
falter. It’s just that he was dishonest
when I confronted him about it. The
kicker was that it happened again a few
months later, after he promised me it
wouldn’t happen again. He did tell the
truth upon confrontation that time,
though.
You say, “you need help, don’t be
afraid to get it”. I’m not
necessarily afraid of getting help. I’m
afraid of getting the wrong help. And
that’s the big issue here. Another
thing is that the switch I made in birth
control seemed to help immensely. It has
made an obviously noticeable (to both my
boyfriend and myself) change in my state
of mind, not only making the mood swings
fewer and farther between, but also
lessening the severity of them as well. I
feel less cloudy, more in control. And
that alone is what brought me here.
Before the completely ingenious idea arose
to lessen my hormonal intake – I felt
hopeless, like my only resort was a long
costly bought of therapy/medication. And
so, seeing the drastic difference brought
about by such a simple change, I started
to wonder what else I might be able to
change. Where else to go but a forum of
like minded folks who may be experiencing
the same thing I am?
Again – I have not been diagnosed –
merely “pigeon-holed” if you will. I
haven’t taken a mmpi or anything.
I’ve merely attended short (30 min)
explorative session.
And again, it’s a control issue. I
cannot concede control of my own actions
here. I cannot concede my “free
will”. And that’s the frustrating
part. I can’t fathom not having a
say-so in how I treat the one person to
which I am closest. Maybe that's an issue
that a lot of bipolar folks have, but I
cannot allow myself to excuse my actions.
I see people who I think do that all too
often. I may offend some by saying this,
but if you do have a real problem, you
know i'm not speaking to you. It's just
that it seems like declaring you have some
sort of mental disorder is almost
fashionable these days - it's definately a
rocking band wagon. Perhaps its my own
set of beliefs doing this to me, but my
own free will is extremely important to
me. And so i'm extremely torn here. The
threat of potentially having to accept a
diagnosis like this is terrifying.
loadedguncmplx
wrote:
as for the idea that you
feel that if you were to take bipolar
medication that you still wouldnt have the
normal ups and downs of life is based off
of an illness that you don't have a very
good grasp on because you still experience
the full range of emotions when you're on
mood stabalizers. Its even common for
people to have hypomanic episodes while
still on medication which show themselves
as increased creativity, productivity,
confidence, energetic, euphoria,
charismatic, and with an overflow of new
ideas. So don't think that just because
you get on medication its going to stifle
your personality. You will still be able
to feel the full spectrum of emotions they
just make your manic and clinical
depression episodes fewer and farther
between. I think that you would be
surprised how much your relationship would
improve with your boyfriend if you only
got on a mood stabalizer and didn't
participate in psychotherapy. I've only
come off of my medication 1 time and it
was for two months and ever since I got
back on them my relationship with my
girlfriend has been spectacular. But in
addition we have also been doing couples
counselling which I have found extremely
helpful and productive.
that gave me such a huge amount of solace.
Much of that reply did. Thank you. I
have considered couples counseling as
well, if for no other reason than to
understand each other better. Again,
money is an issue, and again – i’m
afraid of being pigeonholed too quickly.
It seems that that may just be something I
need to either get over or find another
doctor willing to really explore my
situation. I have had a bad experience in
the past with a medical doctor
generalizing a condition I had too
quickly, which led to some bad health
problems. I can’t have that happen
again.
Something i’ve been seriously looking at
is this: rational emotive
behavioral therapy. I wondered if
anyone here had had much success with that
type of thing. I have read a bit about
it, and the idea of “re-wireing”
yourself seems interesting. I would love
to learn my triggers, and to most of all
learn when I am being rational and when I
am not. To recognize my own irrationality
and be able to, at very least, walk away
would be absolutely incredible.
Thanks again so much for all your
consideration.
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-02-07 13:03pm
Hi again rhi. Something that might help
you..It helped me more than I ever though
it would.
Most of our mental state, regardless of
our physical make up, is due to
situational circumstances. Once you have
these situations all cleared and worked
out...Once your on solid ground then its
the best time to evaulate your mental
health.
|
Rhi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 02-02-07 13:23pm
Thanks again color
that's definately great input. I've tried
my best to be aware of how circumstances
and my environment affect me at different
times. I have made some very drastic
changes (moving across the country, new
job) recently, and things only got worse.
That brought on the realization that there
might be something beyond, as I found
myself blaming my station before.
It also attributes to my want to find
something other than medication to try to
ease things until I finally get "settled"
somewhere. I dont feel like i'm in a
place to be tuely evaluated.
Thanks
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-02-07 13:48pm
But of course ^_^ best of luck with
everything and so far youve made a huge
step at fully explaining yourself on here.
Feel free to post about anything im sure
we will all be here.
|
bobbyr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 10 Location: UK
Dealing With Bipolar Disorder Posted: 02-13-07 06:24am
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