Hello. I give my deepest regards to you
and your family. Coming from a family that
has also lost a child, my younger sibling,
I can greatly understand where you are
coming from, though I was not in a
parental role. I can completely agree with
the previous post. I strongly encourage
you and your husband to seek out
professional help. In fact, I recommend
help for everyone in your family. Losing
someone so young can have effects on the
children too. When we lost my sister, my
parents attended support groups and to
this day I truely believe that it was that
support that saved their marriage.
Attending support groups inspired my
parents to actually lead their own support
meetings and they have received countless
accounts of their impact on families. It
is often possible, though sometimes not
noticeable at first, that something very
good can come from something so tragic. It
is never fair that a young person must die
so young, however, we must recognize that
God has a greater plan and can direct that
pain into something far better than we
imagined.
Growing up, my parents often reminded us
that, as silly as it may sound, our
family's love was the last thing that was
left unchanged by my sister's death. Our
family was the last physical bit left of
the hopes that we had for our family
originally and if we were to not be a
unit, the only still standing part of her
would no longer exist. Oddly, my parents
attest that this form of keeping her
memory alive is the only way that they
have beaten the odds of staying together
after the death of a child.
I also want to call to your attention the
attitudes of your surviving children,
though I realize they have never left your
mind. As I saw and experienced the grief
of my parents, I believe that I began to
comprehend something that many people
never fully can comprehend until they
themselves are a parent. I saw what
extreme pain they felt with the loss of my
sister and could very easily relate those
same feelings to what they felt about
their remaining children. They loved her
so much. Only at seeing the extreme sorrow
for her did I finally realize how truly
loved I was. I am sure that your children
have experienced much of the same
realizations. It's odd how children can
pick up on emotions yet some of us, like
your children and myself, are now the
lucky ones that can see how much we are
loved. Something terrible can actually
teach us the hardest, yet most passionate
lessons that you will ever have. I
consider myself to be incredibly lucky to
be able to understand the love of my
family and to have already come to terms
of the ideas of death and life. The death
of a sibling can be just as heart
wrenching as a death of a child, at least
I believe considering I have yet to have
children. I encourage you to have them
attend some sort of activity where they
will start to come to peace at what has
happened to them. They will see everything
that you do and so so very much of their
perceptions of life and of love are being
formed right now. In all of the things
that I have learned or experienced in my
life, that one defining moment has formed
who I am.
Please know that I know where you and your
family are coming from. I understand that
this is by far the worst and hardest thing
that you will ever go through. Also
remember that as time passes the grief
will always be there but the passion for
life and love will return. As time passes
things will actually get easier. It won't
be long until you can look back to the
memories of her and smile knowing that she
has taught you so much more from up
above. You will ALWAYS have your daughter,
even though she may not be as present.
Have courage but most importantly, try
despritely to keep the love you have for
her alive through your husband and your
children. After all, it is love that makes
life worth it. Without love, we truly have
nothing.
My best regards,
Jessica
