my boyfriend and I have always conflicted about how much time we spend together and how much space he needs (he needs a ton). He now works four days a week on the other side of the country, so when he is in town, I always want to spend as much time with him as I can. He, however, doesn'talways see it that way. This past weekend, he told me that he would spend friday and saturday nights with me but that I had to leave on sunday to give him space for a day and a night. On saturday, however, he decided he needed space from me fora few hours after breakfast and suggested that I stay at my house for a few hours and the drive to his after he had gotten space.I was irritated because I always feellike he is cutting back on what limited time we have together.
Sunday morning, I drove him to the airport. He is going to be gone for three weeks in february, so I wanted to make sure that I got time with him next weekend. I suggested picking him up at the airport thursday and spending the weekend together, and he resisted. I pushed a little more (i know I shouldn't have). Last night, I was feeling bad for pushing the issue, so I called his hotel room to apologize, tell him that I respect his space, and suggest that we meet friday night like he originally wanted so he could have some time to himself thursday night and friday during the day. He told me that he was"sketched out" by my calling his hotel room and that I should wait for him to call me (he initiates the vast majority of the calls...I call him very rarely). Then he said he couldn't even get space from me in his hotel room and that I had no respect for his space. He sounded almost panicked about it. The end result was him telling me hedidn'tknow if he could be in a relationship with me anymore and that he needed time to figure it out. He said is will call me wednesday night at 9:00 to tell me what he decides.
I have pressured him a bit fortime together, andmaybe I shouldnot have done that. However, I rarely call, never check up on him, try very hard to give him the space he needs. It seems that no matter how much I give him, he always needs more.
The crazy thing is that things have vastly improved between uslately. He finally met my parents (after 15 months of dating) and began telling me that he loved me.
I feel blindsided. We had a fun, relaxing weekend together, and I was not expecting this.
I am in serious pain. Despite things he has done in the past, he is my best friend and tells me hestill loves me. I don't know what I would do without him. Ilove him so deeply, and I can't believe that now, all of a sudden and because of something as trivial as a phone call, he is going to be gone from my life.
I don'tknow how I am going to make it until tomorrow, and I am evenmore terrified of what he is going to say when he calls. I feel like I am waiting to be dumped by someone who means the world to me. I really wish I hadn'tcalled him last night, but I honestly thought I was doing the nice, thoughtful, and respectful thing.
Please help me. Is there anything I can do? How do I make it until tomorrow? How do I cope with the loss if he calls me and dumps me over this?
Wow-you sound like I did five years ago...You are dating a man you hardly know. He lives a life and doesn't include you in it. He is letting you sit and sweat it out until he decides...Please-
i don't understand why you hardly call him-the red lights are flashing yet you have blinders on...Something is not right and I don't want to tell you. It also sounds as if he has all the calls in the relationship and lets you sit by the phone waiting for his phone call.
When someone loves you they want to be with you..Period. I think you need to grow with yourself and become strong. You can't get respect unless you respect yourself.
I, too, was in the similar situation. I always walked on egg shells around him-never asking the "right"questions..Like where the hell were you?? Or who are you talkin to on the phone?? It was maddening and one of the most crushing times of my life. I let him make all the calls and soon found out that "yes-you can lose yourself...I soon cut the strings and moved on.
Hell to the no!!!!! Why should you have to bow down to every *single* command to this guy? 50/50...Or nada. Compremise..Not an on-call girlfriend! That is horrible to be treated that way, and I am sad that you have been through this.
No one diserves to be treated less than a human being...Especially when you just miss him and want to see him. That's what girlfriends and boyfriends usually do.. Spend time with each other! For him to cap it- specifically to modify his needs. Doesn't he care for you? If so- that's one twisted way of showing it.
I understand- and think you do too- the difference between distant and smoothering. I think ti's safe to say you are not smoothering him. Why flip out when you call him at his hotel? That is a tad fishy to me. I don't like that.
You barely see him...Why would you want to see someone that doesn't want to see you? That has to be hurting you! You didn't do anything wrong, girl. He is. He should say something if something isn't going right..And at this rate.. It doesn't look good. Seems to me, he doesn't have the balls to say something, here.
I would give him his space... Do things- live your life. If he happens to fall into place with your plans.. Great- if not - oh well- you need to be happy- you do not need a boyfriend to make you happy- when you are not happy 1st.
I hope you trust your gut instinct here. That is wrong to yell at someone for caring..He sounds really controlling. Would you want to have a baby with someone like him? Do you plan on marrying him? Introducing each other that late- to your parents? Wow. Someone's hiding something.
Well at least you've had somebody! Geez! I'll be getting shipped off to Afghanistan before I get to date someone (that'll probably be a year or two from now, I'm just that shy )! But seriously, if he's not making you a priority, you shouldn't try and make him a priority.