Pregnancy Forum - What to Do , What to Do

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Q: What to Do , What to Do

asked by: onmyway_0x on January 23rd, 2007

Supporter

I know I don't know any of you all that well so I feel bad health forum about my problems, but if I can't vent here, im screwed.
It'll just be nice to let some caca out.

I'm 17 wks pregnant, 18 yrs old and as of now thats the least of my worries. The father my boyfriend soon to be ex-boyfriend wants to be very involved and some may say im lucky for that but the guy is bad news. He's a liar I mean he lies about everything , I always catch him out partying , which is no biggie but when the kids on drugs then it angers me off. Apparently he's being questioned for a local robbery, so i've asked him about that a few times and he just fessed up to it last night. His sister says im childish and of course he lied about it because I would go crazy, and it's no reason to leave him. In the past he was pretty abusive but I will give him some credit he cut that caca out shortly after we found out I was pregnant. I know im to blame, i'm the fool that stuck with him, but I thought he was doing so good he was treating me better and started working saying he loved me and the baby, but really he was just being snaky and doing everything behind my back instead of out in the open. I just hate liars, and I hate thieves and I think that right now I should be worrying about me and this baby and not have to babysit a 20 yr old man. But as with most of my experiences in the past , I cant shake this kid , something about him makes me feel like the problem... I'm so lost right now, I know what needs to be done , but when I do this kid will still try to be in my life by whatever means possible , i'm such a tool for getting myself in this mess!
Mad

sorry for ranting but it feels better to get it all out here , then explode it all on someone around me, that wouldnt be good.

Replies(7)

Sunflower_pie81 replied on January 23rd, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

I am so sory to say this but you need to leave him, and if he wants to be involved in his child's life then he can pay child support. That way he can be an active part of the childs life without seeing him or harming him/her. I think that once an abuser than always one. Yeah he may have changed that part of him but it won't last. Now that you know that you are the one to blame then fix it and leave him. You can do a great job being a single mother. Just dont' let him ruin your childs life.

lil_blaze2004 replied on January 23rd, 2007

Supporter

sunflower_pie81 wrote:

i am so sory to say this but you need to leave him, and if he wants to be involved in his child's life then he can pay child support. That way he can be an active part of the childs life without seeing him or harming him/her. I think that once an abuser than always one. Yeah he may have changed that part of him but it won't last. Now that you know that you are the one to blame then fix it and leave him. You can do a great job being a single mother. Just dont' let him ruin your childs life.

took the words right out of my mouth (fingers??) if he abused you then there is every chance that hecould harm the baby. Babies try peoples patience very quickly.

Mommy35 replied on January 23rd, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

You should leave him. Just because he gave up being abusive doesn't mean he'll continue to not be abusive. Usually it's a hard habit to break for some.

Lying is also a hard habit to break for some. If you don't nip it now, than when your little one is 4 he/she will be waiting on the front step for his daddy to come and guess what, he won't show, and you'll be the one that has to look into those sad little eyes and explain it.

If he's into the party scene what kind of father is he going to be really? If he steps up to the plate, and wants to be a good father, make him prove it to you by helping you out with support (emotional and financial). As long as you suspect he is using drugs than I wouldn't let him see my son/daughter without supervision. If he doesn't step up to the plate than from what you have said, it's no huge loss.

Lots and lots of women do it on their own and do a darn good job of it. It may be hard and it may seem impossible to do sometimes, but trust me you will be a better/stronger person for it.

Good luck to you

onmyway_0x replied on January 23rd, 2007

Supporter

Thank-you for even replying to my stupidity, I know when I see girls in this situation I just kind-of roll my eyes and go "what were they thinking" I have no doubt that I need to leave this joke, it's just a matter of being ridiculed for it I can't stand. Him and his crazy mother and stupid sister say that he has every right to the baby , but I can see this man literally getting ahold of my child and taking off. I don't think a guy with a criminal record , mental history and can't hold a job should have any rights, but in the back of my head I always think , worse things have happened.
Im going to a pregnancy resource center on thursday, for some prenatal and parenting courses, and also to see what my options are.

November_Mommy05 replied on January 23rd, 2007

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

I agree, you really need to leave him. You may be thinking that it's going to be hard without him/his help, but coming from an 18 yr. Old mother of a 15 month old that's been through it - it will be easier without him!! We didn't officially break up until our daughter was 8 mos. Old, but he never was really there.. If you know what I mean. He never helped me with her, not a day in her life. Him being around us just caused more stress and anger. We did get back together when she was a year old, and i'd like to say things worked out and/or he is more mature ... But nope, he's no different now than he was then. When we were broken up, I tried dating - and quite honestly I found some great guys and a shocker to me, they didn't care that I was a mom!! I really think you should get rid of him - for good. & after a little while, or after you little one is born... Start dating again, and have more control over yourself to get rid of them sooner than later (if there no good for you or your baby). Oh, and by the way... Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Love, love~
october 05' mommy!

Idony replied on January 23rd, 2007

Supporter

Wait, your not supose to leave him when he robbed a place and lied to you about it, but that was ok because if he told you the truth you wouldve gotten mad? what your supose to get mad, someone your with robs a place and your not supose to be mad? Thats messed up

ok now the bigger issue here...Dont be so hard on yourself, at least you see now and your trying to get out, whats worse is if you see all this and you try to stay with him and change him still, your doing the right thing, its not all your fault

you do need to leave for your babys safety (not to mention your own) if he insistes on being involved he needs to pay child support, and you should take him to court (whether he pays it or not) and tell them you fear for your childs safety with him and they will most likely limit his visits to supervised only and probably only a certain amount of time

there are things you can do

~alicia~

mamaTT replied on January 23rd, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

onmyway_0x wrote:

thank-you for even replying to my stupidity, I know when I see girls in this situation I just kind-of roll my eyes and go "what were they thinking" I have no doubt that I need to leave this joke, it's just a matter of being ridiculed for it I can't stand. Him and his crazy mother and stupid sister say that he has every right to the baby , but I can see this man literally getting ahold of my child and taking off. I don't think a guy with a criminal record , mental history and can't hold a job should have any rights, but in the back of my head I always think , worse things have happened.

Im going to a pregnancy resource center on thursday, for some prenatal and parenting courses, and also to see what my options are.

i agree with you, he should not have any rights with the record he has. However, I have know others in situations similar to yours and the father has gotten visitation rights. I hope everything works out ok for you, but just know there is still a chance that he could get visitation if wants it and he can prove that he has changed. It may be supervised visitation in the beginning though.

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