Abortion Debate Forum - the Other Side of the Story

Kypros replied on January 23rd, 2007

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Re: the Other Side of the Story

blue_snafu wrote:

can you guys give me reasons why the guy should be told about the pregnancy/abortion?

I had an abortion while he and I were still together and I was going to tell him after I had it done. However, in the midst of all the fighting right before we broke up, I didn't manage to do so.

Now that we're no longer together, i'm wondering if I should still tell him?

Would a guy want to know if he had gotten a girl pregnant in the past?

it is a very interesting story, but yes, I personally believe that a man has a right to know, however it is the woman's choice at the end of the day if she tells him. My aunt had an abortion after (i think) a short relationship, and she would often see him when she went out on a friday/saturday night with her friends. He used to stare at her a lot while she was dancing and eventually she went up to him and told him to stop it. Anyway, he would still continue to do so in the weeks later and she approached him and said she had something to tell him. He knew immediately that it concerned him by the look on her face/tone of her voice as only a couple of years before he discovered he had a teenage daughter he never knew he had, and she told him outright that she had been pregnant with his child and had the pregnancy terminated, because (jn her words) "at the end of the day he had a right to know".

That's just her story. Everybody has different experiences. If you are in a bad relationship or do not feel you can tell your partner you've aborted whilst you're still in the relationship, that's fine, but i'd like to think that they find out someday (be it when you feel you can tell him, after you've split up, or when you're on better terms). As I read, you are no longer with the man who impregnated you, and it has been playing on your mind whether or not to tell him you were pregnant. You yourself need to consider his feelings, how he would possibly react (if you have a clue), if his right to know is stronger than your right to keep it secret, and if you're on better terms than when you were together. Would you rather he know what happened than you hide it from him?

Kypros.

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Meandering Away replied on January 23rd, 2007

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Re: the Other Side of the Story

blue_snafu wrote:

can you guys give me reasons why the guy should be told about the pregnancy/abortion?

I had an abortion while he and I were still together and I was going to tell him after I had it done. However, in the midst of all the fighting right before we broke up, I didn't manage to do so.

Now that we're no longer together, i'm wondering if I should still tell him?

Would a guy want to know if he had gotten a girl pregnant in the past?

in my opinion you should tell him as quick as you would be asking for child support if you kept it.

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Tylanas replied on January 23rd, 2007

Especially EHEALTHy

Re: the Other Side of the Story

cowboys wrote:

blue_snafu wrote:

can you guys give me reasons why the guy should be told about the pregnancy/abortion?

I had an abortion while he and I were still together and I was going to tell him after I had it done. However, in the midst of all the fighting right before we broke up, I didn't manage to do so.

Now that we're no longer together, i'm wondering if I should still tell him?

Would a guy want to know if he had gotten a girl pregnant in the past?

in my opinion you should tell him as quick as you would be asking for child support if you kept it.

how do you know she would?

These next few paragraphs are really hypothetical for me, since i'm pro-choice and depending on the situation, I may have aborted just as she did.

I don't think I would ask for child support unless the pregnancy was caused by him raping me, or forcing me to have unprotected sex through some other means, and then he had tried to make me abort and left because I wouldn't, or left me just because I was pregnant and wanted to keep it, and he wanted nothing to do with it. In those cases, I would ask for child support.

If the pregnancy was an accident, and we'd just broken up on good terms for reasons not related to the pregnancy, i'd tell him about it, (this is again assuming i'd keep the baby which I don't think I would anyway) and we'd talk it over, since we'd still be on good terms and friends. I think i'd tell him bout the child if we broke up badly too, but since the pregnancy was an accident I honestly cannot hold the man responsible in that case.

When no precautions were taken even though the woman wanted to take precautions, then the man is responsible. When precautions are taken and an accident happens, then honestly neither of them are responsible in a simple sense, since an accident is no one's fault - but it is unfortunately up to the mother to make a choice, since it is her body.

If neither of them took precautions and neither of them wanted to take precautions... Then I actually don't think the man should have to pay child support there, either... I'm not entirely sure why I feel that way, because part of me says that they should have to get married or something for their carelessness, but I just don't know... I guess my mind is thinking of two different cases here. I'm first thinking of the girl in .Saved who had sex with her boyfriend, but they were both so young and uninformed that you really can't blame them. She kept the child because it was not her way to abort. In that case, I don't feel it would be right to force the boy to pay child support. In a different case, it is two consenting adults who know exactly what is going to happen if they have unprotected sex. In that case, the man should have to pay child support. Yet these two cases are, on the surface, identical... Two people having unprotected sex, and neither of them even tried to use protection. So it's difficult.

I feel the man should be informed of a birth - if the mother and he are on good enough terms for that - in either case (protected or unprotected), since it is his child, whether or not he choses to be a father. If the woman and man are on bad terms, well then, it comes down to whether the woman is comfortable talking to him.

That's all in the case of birth. In the case of abortion, I think it is once again up to the woman and how comforable she is talking with the man. If they are still friends, she may feel it is the right thing to do. If they are not, she may feel better never letting him know; she may feel he has no right to know.

Oh, by the way... This entire post is, of course...

.Just .My .Opinion. I just have to stick that in there, otherwise certain people will think i'm talking fact, or that I think my feelings should be applied to everyone.

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nightangel73 replied on January 24th, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

What do yu think his reaction will be? Do you think he will get upset? Do you think he will think lower of your for what you did? I think that if you are not going to ever see this guy again you might as well not tell him. He aint comming back to you, so this will only upset him more. However if you feel you would like to teach him a lesson for what can happen for not using protection so that he doesn't go and impregnate others then would be a good idea to tell him. That's my opinion.

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blue_snafu replied on January 25th, 2007

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Hey, thanks for all the replies. It's all very much appreciated.

So...I told him. And he was so supportive and it went so well that it's making me wonder why I didn't tell him earlier.

I wish the topic of abortion didn't make us so afraid and doubtful.

I also asked him if he thought men have a right to know if the woman he impregnates has an abortion. He only said that he has a preference for knowing/being told.

Now that I think about it, maybe i/we should have more respect for the men's right to know. After all, it took two to create the situation that led to the abortion...

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jenn_smithson replied on January 25th, 2007

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

blue_snafu wrote:

hey, thanks for all the replies. It's all very much appreciated.

So...I told him. And he was so supportive and it went so well that it's making me wonder why I didn't tell him earlier.

I wish the topic of abortion didn't make us so afraid and doubtful.

I also asked him if he thought men have a right to know if the woman he impregnates has an abortion. He only said that he has a preference for knowing/being told.

Now that I think about it, maybe i/we should have more respect for the men's right to know. After all, it took two to create the situation that led to the abortion...

the majority of women who obtain an abortion do inform or bring their partners with them. If a woman doesn't tell her partner, she usually has a very good reason for doing so. Perhaps men and women should have more respect for eachother and keep them informed but this is .N.O.T something that you can legislate or require. Many .Women who do not tell their partner come from abusive situations where telling their partner would mean suffering more violence. Out of respect for .Women who are the only experts of their situations, it has to be information voluntarily given.

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jenn_smithson replied on January 25th, 2007

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

nightangel73 wrote:

he aint comming back to you, so this will only upset him more.

why would it be upsetting? I rather think that receiving a child support summons would be more upsetting than hearing that your exgirlfriend had an abortion. (and I do know two men who would agree with me on that one).

Quote:

however if you feel you would like to teach him a lesson for what can happen for not using protection so that he doesn't go and impregnate others then would be a good idea to tell him. That's my opinion.

so, pregnancy is a teaching device, an engine of punishment, .A.N.D a gift?! Wow. Laughing

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nightangel73 replied on January 25th, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

jenn_smithson wrote:

why would it be upsetting? I rather think that receiving a child support summons would be more upsetting than hearing that your exgirlfriend had an abortion. (and I do know two men who would agree with me on that one).

yeah, depends on the morals that you have. If the man has no morals like you then yeah I would bet that he would rather hear of an abortion. But if the man is against abortion he would be upset.

jenn_smithson wrote:

so, pregnancy is a teaching device, an engine of punishment, .A.N.D a gift?! Wow. Laughing

yup, isn't that amazing? Like looking at you when they told you that you were pregnant you were upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't thought it was gift but something worthy of death, yet when you finally get pregnant when you want to have baby the news of the pregnancy will be something amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have to say .W.O.W.

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Tylanas replied on January 25th, 2007

Especially EHEALTHy

nightangel73 wrote:

yeah, depends on the morals that you have. If the man has no morals like you then yeah I would bet that he would rather hear of an abortion. But if the man is against abortion he would be upset.

you're lucky this isn't on the abortion support forum. It is accusatory and innapropriate.

Quote:

yup, isn't that amazing? Like looking at you when they told you that you were pregnant you were upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't thought it was gift but something worthy of death, yet when you finally get pregnant when you want to have baby the news of the pregnancy will be something amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have to say .W.O.W.

this needs to be removed for abuse. It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a woman who had no problem with her choice. It is callous towards jenn, and totally ignores the feelings of women who read this forum.

It needs to be removed, now. Personal attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly try to avoid them. No, i'm not perfect. But I try a lot harder than some people here.

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Meandering Away replied on January 26th, 2007

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

eiri wrote:

nightangel73 wrote:

yeah, depends on the morals that you have. If the man has no morals like you then yeah I would bet that he would rather hear of an abortion. But if the man is against abortion he would be upset.

eiri wrote:

you're lucky this isn't on the abortion support forum. It is accusatory and innapropriate.

Quote:

yup, isn't that amazing? Like looking at you when they told you that you were pregnant you were upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't thought it was gift but something worthy of death, yet when you finally get pregnant when you want to have baby the news of the pregnancy will be something amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have to say .W.O.W.

this needs to be removed for abuse. It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a woman who had no problem with her choice. It is callous towards jenn, and totally ignores the feelings of women who read this forum.

It needs to be removed, now. Personal attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly try to avoid them. No, i'm not perfect. But I try a lot harder than some people here.

get over yourself eiri you are always attacking people even to the point when there are no pro lifers left you attack a pro choicer, I see nothing wrong in this post or at least the second part that warrants this childish outburst, she made her point and explained to the sarcastic remark made by jenn [ no need for that but you keep quiet, wonder why ] and used words she has always used or are you the vocabulary police now has everything got to be done your way or you have an hissy fit.You have no power on here, you are a mod on one forum only [ ever wondered why lewis wont let you mod other parts eh ]

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nightangel73 replied on January 26th, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

eiri wrote:

this needs to be removed for abuse. It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a woman who had no problem with her choice. It is callous towards jenn, and totally ignores the feelings of women who read this forum.

eiri I don't attempt to impose any guilt. Jenn would never feel any guilt we all know that, so what I wrote was to make my point.

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Cambion replied on January 26th, 2007

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

It's your choice whether or not you want to tell him. You're broken up, so it would have no impact on your relationship. Why would he need to know anyway? Also, some guys would probably only want to know they impregnated a girl if she gave birth to the child and kept it. After they get roped into paying child support, they might be wishing they didn't know about said child.

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Birch replied on January 26th, 2007

Supporter

Re: the Other Side of the Story

blue_snafu wrote:

can you guys give me reasons why the guy should be told about the pregnancy/abortion?

I had an abortion while he and I were still together and I was going to tell him after I had it done. However, in the midst of all the fighting right before we broke up, I didn't manage to do so.

Now that we're no longer together, i'm wondering if I should still tell him?

Would a guy want to know if he had gotten a girl pregnant in the past?

another aspect of this that no one has brought up yet is that if you happen to have had a bad breakup, he could use this information against you, since abortion is highly stigmatized. The situation could get highly emotional and have terrible consequences for you.

I am glad that for you, blue snafu, things turned out okay.

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Tylanas replied on January 26th, 2007

Especially EHEALTHy

cowboys wrote:

eiri wrote:

nightangel73 wrote:

yeah, depends on the morals that you have. If the man has no morals like you then yeah I would bet that he would rather hear of an abortion. But if the man is against abortion he would be upset.

eiri wrote:

you're lucky this isn't on the abortion support forum. It is accusatory and innapropriate.

Quote:

yup, isn't that amazing? Like looking at you when they told you that you were pregnant you were upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't thought it was gift but something worthy of death, yet when you finally get pregnant when you want to have baby the news of the pregnancy will be something amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have to say .W.O.W.

this needs to be removed for abuse. It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a woman who had no problem with her choice. It is callous towards jenn, and totally ignores the feelings of women who read this forum.

It needs to be removed, now. Personal attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly try to avoid them. No, i'm not perfect. But I try a lot harder than some people here.

get over yourself eiri you are always attacking people even to the point when there are no pro lifers left you attack a pro choicer,

who? Jenn? Only after she did it first. bhaha? Everyone attacks her.

Quote:

i see nothing wrong in this post or at least the second part that warrants this childish outburst, she made her point and explained to the sarcastic remark made by jenn [ no need for that but you keep quiet, wonder why ]

you find it appropriate for her to have said that the woman who aborted has no morals?

You find it appropriate for her to tell jenn she is wrong for having been relieved about how her unwanted pregnancy ended?

You find it appropriate for such things to be said directly to these women? These comments are not logical debates against abortion, they are just insults, plain and simple.

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nightangel73 replied on January 26th, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

eiri wrote:

cowboys wrote:

eiri wrote:

nightangel73 wrote:

yeah, depends on the morals that you have. If the man has no morals like you then yeah I would bet that he would rather hear of an abortion. But if the man is against abortion he would be upset.

eiri wrote:

you're lucky this isn't on the abortion support forum. It is accusatory and innapropriate.

Quote:

yup, isn't that amazing? Like looking at you when they told you that you were pregnant you were upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't thought it was gift but something worthy of death, yet when you finally get pregnant when you want to have baby the news of the pregnancy will be something amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have to say .W.O.W.

this needs to be removed for abuse. It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a woman who had no problem with her choice. It is callous towards jenn, and totally ignores the feelings of women who read this forum.

It needs to be removed, now. Personal attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly try to avoid them. No, i'm not perfect. But I try a lot harder than some people here.

get over yourself eiri you are always attacking people even to the point when there are no pro lifers left you attack a pro choicer,

who? Jenn? Only after she did it first. bhaha? Everyone attacks her.

Quote:

i see nothing wrong in this post or at least the second part that warrants this childish outburst, she made her point and explained to the sarcastic remark made by jenn [ no need for that but you keep quiet, wonder why ]

you find it appropriate for her to have said that the woman who aborted has no morals?

You find it appropriate for her to tell jenn she is wrong for having been relieved about how her unwanted pregnancy ended?

You find it appropriate for such things to be said directly to these women? These comments are not logical debates against abortion, they are just insults, plain and simple.

eiri you are wrong (like usual)

now first I didn't said that all women who have abortions had no morals. I'm refering to jenn only in the sentence. Learn to read.

Second I didn't said neither that jenn is wrong for having been happy about her abortion. I'm just making an observation on what she thought of her pregnancy when she had the abortion.

And last if you get easily offended for what people say here, then don't come here and post. Simple.

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Tylanas replied on January 27th, 2007

Especially EHEALTHy

nightangel73 wrote:

eiri wrote:

cowboys wrote:

eiri wrote:

nightangel73 wrote:

yeah, depends on the morals that you have. If the man has no morals like you then yeah I would bet that he would rather hear of an abortion. But if the man is against abortion he would be upset.

eiri wrote:

you're lucky this isn't on the abortion support forum. It is accusatory and innapropriate.

Quote:

yup, isn't that amazing? Like looking at you when they told you that you were pregnant you were upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't thought it was gift but something worthy of death, yet when you finally get pregnant when you want to have baby the news of the pregnancy will be something amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have to say .W.O.W.

this needs to be removed for abuse. It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a woman who had no problem with her choice. It is callous towards jenn, and totally ignores the feelings of women who read this forum.

It needs to be removed, now. Personal attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly try to avoid them. No, i'm not perfect. But I try a lot harder than some people here.

get over yourself eiri you are always attacking people even to the point when there are no pro lifers left you attack a pro choicer,

who? Jenn? Only after she did it first. bhaha? Everyone attacks her.

Quote:

i see nothing wrong in this post or at least the second part that warrants this childish outburst, she made her point and explained to the sarcastic remark made by jenn [ no need for that but you keep quiet, wonder why ]

you find it appropriate for her to have said that the woman who aborted has no morals?

You find it appropriate for her to tell jenn she is wrong for having been relieved about how her unwanted pregnancy ended?

You find it appropriate for such things to be said directly to these women? These comments are not logical debates against abortion, they are just insults, plain and simple.

eiri you are wrong (like usual)

no, i'm not.

Quote:

now first I didn't said that all women who have abortions had no morals. I'm refering to jenn only in the sentence. Learn to read.

so you're allowed to do it because you only said that this woman had no morals?

Actually, you were talking to the woman who didn't know if she wanted to tell her ex about her abortion. You told her that if her boyfriend had no morals just like her then he wouldn't care.

You think you have the right to tell people they have or do not have morals? I'm sorry but no one has that right. Morals are a deeply personal thing, everyone's are different.

Quote:

second I didn't said neither that jenn is wrong for having been happy about her abortion. I'm just making an observation on what she thought of her pregnancy when she had the abortion.

And last if you get easily offended for what people say here, then don't come here and post. Simple.

it's not about the people who post, it's about all the others who come here and read, to get advice, and who just see women being insulted for their beliefs, being told they have no morals, and having posts directed at them that very clearly imply they are wrong for being relieved when their unwanted pregnancies were gone.

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nightangel73 replied on January 27th, 2007

Extremely EHEALTHy

eiri wrote:

it's not about the people who post, it's about all the others who come here and read, to get advice, and who just see women being insulted for their beliefs, being told they have no morals, and having posts directed at them that very clearly imply they are wrong for being relieved when their unwanted pregnancies were gone.

if the reader want advice an abortion support then they should go to the abortion support forum. In here we don't sugar coat, plenty of times you have insulted me, my beliefs and my religion so stop trying to look like you don't insult.

And btw of course we pro-lifers are going to imply being wrong about abortion in our posts. Hello we are against abortion didn't you realize?

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Tylanas replied on January 28th, 2007

Especially EHEALTHy

nightangel73 wrote:

eiri wrote:

it's not about the people who post, it's about all the others who come here and read, to get advice, and who just see women being insulted for their beliefs, being told they have no morals, and having posts directed at them that very clearly imply they are wrong for being relieved when their unwanted pregnancies were gone.

if the reader want advice an abortion support then they should go to the abortion support forum. In here we don't sugar coat, plenty of times you have insulted me, my beliefs and my religion so stop trying to look like you don't insult.

And btw of course we pro-lifers are going to imply being wrong about abortion in our posts. Hello we are against abortion didn't you realize?

i may have done these things, but they were almost always in response to bigotry. Secondly... I have never denied you your rights. I have never told you that you can't be christian. I have never told you that. I've said I disagree with it... But you will always have the right to chose your own religion. You will always have the right to chose to use your body in any way.

But you still refuse other women basic rights to their bodies. The person in the wrong here, from my point of view, is you. Yes, I disagree with you, but I cannot and would not ever force you to do something you didn't want to do. I just wouldn't.

You would. You would tell a woman to not abort, you would deny her that right to control her own body and her own fate in the name of "human rights", yet the very thing you espouse is destroyed by your beliefs, destroyed by your desire to control her womb. It is not moral to remove the rights of the born for the unborn.

That's what I believe.

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