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Q: Am I Bad?
asked by: sam863 on January 22nd, 2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Hi all im new and I need some advice
i've just turned 20 and my fiance is 23 we've been together 4 years, I still live at home with my parents and he lives with his parents too.
I have a part time cleaning job and he works full time, and my problem is I want a baby but he doesn't, do you think i'm in a good enough situation to have a baby?.
We couldn't afford a mortgage so we would probably rent but he doesn't want to do that he wants to save get a mortgage then have a baby and thats about 3 years time and i'm ready for one now.
What should I do, sorry about the long rant but it's been bubbling up inside me. Crying or Very sad
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Sophie585 replied on January 22nd, 2007
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Honestly, it seems like you know that you would be better off waiting. I know the thought of having a baby is so exciting, but it just wouldn't be fair to bring one into the world in less than ideal circumstances on purpose. My bf and .I are renting, and we both work (or at least he will continue to work after .I have the baby) and .I know its still going to be hard.

My advice: wait until your situation improves. There's plenty of time to have a baby...Just wait until you can give it what it deserves.
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Kia replied on January 22nd, 2007
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Honestly, don't plan to have a baby unless you are "equipped" to do so.
Babies don't come cheap.
You need a stable income and a stable home and relationship.

You should give your boyfriend props for wanting to save and get a mortgage so that you have a stable home for a child.

You want to be self reliant, knowing that you can afford the neccessities for the baby and not worrying about stuff like how will you afford the next pack of diapers.
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sam863 replied on January 22nd, 2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Obviously I would have to give up my job but we would manage he has a good income so that wouldn't be a worry. It's the fact that he doesn't want a baby for 3-4 years.
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Mabel replied on January 22nd, 2007
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sam863 wrote:
obviously I would have to give up my job but we would manage he has a good income so that wouldn't be a worry. It's the fact that he doesn't want a baby for 3-4 years.


i had a baby and got married when I was 16. My one regret? Not doing all the .M.E things that young people get to do. I didn't get to date. I go out dancing. Go to the movies, etc. I stayed home, with a baby.

Why don't you go take some college courses? Everything gets exponentially harder when you have a baby around. Daycare, living expenses, diapers, carseats, etc.

If your only argument for you having a baby is that you are ready. Think about your boyfriend... It doesn't sound as if he is ready at all.
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seksiHily replied on January 22nd, 2007
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
How great can his income be? He's living with his parents.

I'm sorry but if you can't afford a place to stay even...
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Kia replied on January 22nd, 2007
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sam863 wrote:
obviously I would have to give up my job but we would manage he has a good income so that wouldn't be a worry. It's the fact that he doesn't want a baby for 3-4 years.

he doesn't just "not want a baby for 3-4 years" though.

You gave specific reasons for him not wanting a baby yet.
First off he wants a good stable home for you so he wants to get a mortgage.
He is being very responsible - be proud of him.
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