I just came across you message. I am curios whether or not you and your wife reunited. I hope so...but only if you have taken the steps to get help. There are reasons why people do what they do and there is nothing a person can do to deserve abuse from their partner. There is no justifying it either. By justifying it, you are giving yourself an excuse/permission not to change and take responsibilty. If you take the steps to get help you might find out that there is a person in there that you really like and that person is someone your wife loves. Be the husband and man you should...stand up and take a few blows from yourself...fight the demon inside. don't take your inside crap anymore. Myself, I just ended a 3 year relationship with a man who was verablly abusive for the duration of the relationship. I made apoint not to take it personal because I knew what he was saying was not true about me...unfortunately...it slowing escalated..to grabbing and just very recently he became very violent towards me. He hurt me. I reported him to the police and he is being charged. I didn't want to. But he refuses to acknowledge he has a problem. And what he did was not right. I still love him and I hope that he will now get the help he needs or realize that he was killing the relationship. I just wish someone else could have explained this to him before this all happened. I want him back...but only if he has helped himself. Unfortunately he will never know this. I hope things work out for you.

I read this post and it made me cry. I am with a person who is verbally and emotionally abusive but he does not see what he does and blames everything on me...It is amazing to me that you see the problem and you want to work on it. It is understandable that she is scared that it will not get better and she probably feels a sense of relief since the split. You need to go to counesling for this with and/or without her. I can't say that she will ever get back with you. I got back with mine 2 years after...he changed only for him to change back to his old ways. I saw a change in him in the beginning but it was like he had me back and didn't need the counseling anymore and that was a big part of his change back to his old ways. I do think that if you start you should never stop because there is a reason why you are this way and it won't just get better right away and this is the kind of thing that you need to follow through with. I wish you the best of luck...I think that after you start counseling ask her if she will be willing to go to counseling with you, that would be a good start.