Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
What Should I Do Make My Marriage Meaningful? Posted: 01-17-07 01:17am
I am 28 years old and I have been married
for not even two years to a south korean
man, whom I met in korea when I was
teaching there. I brought him over to the
states 7 months ago, and we are having
massive marital problems. First there is
a language barrier. I barely speak korean
and he barely speaks english. We can
communicate somewhat and have our own
little language devised but there is still
much left to be desired. I am the sole
provider and he is extremely dependent on
me. He didn't even work in korea, I did.
I'm a grad student with high ambitions and
he really doesn't want to do anything.
Our marriage is lifeless. He never wants
to do anything but watch animation all
day. I admit i'm not great either, as I
am wrapped up in grad school and find
myself involved in my own world and
colleagues. We are just so apart
intellectually. I know he's having
adjustment issues (i know I did in korea)
but he never tries to adjust to this
country. He won't really try to learn
english. I enrolled him in english
classes but we've dropped them. Not once
has he even gone into a store by himself
and get something. I pretty much do
everything and i've grown so resentful of
my role as caretaker. I feel more like a
mom than a wife. I know in our marriage,
i'm basically always going to be
supporting him.
I feel ashamed of having such an
emasculated husband. He really is a
sweetheart and does try to clean the
house, but he doesn't want to do anything
else in his life. Some nights he'll drink
himself into oblivion to the point of
crying binges, which i'm getting fed up of
dealing with (and he was like this in
korea too). I can't ever leave him...He's
so dependent on me. I guess I feel like
I don't have a man.
P.S we can't even go to couples counseling
because he doesn't understand english.
|
darren95al
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
What Should I Do Make My Marriage Meaningful? Posted: 01-17-07 05:08am
It really doesn't sound like your at all
happy. And the best thing you can do for
yourself and your husband is go for
counseling. I know you feel bad or sorry
for him but that's only allowing him to
become more dependant on you. It doesn't
sound like you love him as much as you
feel sorry for him. You must make an
honest attempt to save your marriage.
You can read a book called “ten days to
a good marriage” by Dr. Max vogt
nevada city, california. See detail
edit you may get some marriage saving
solution there. Hope everything works
out. Wish you all the best and true
happiness. Let me know how things work
out!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
Re: What Should I Do Make My Marriage Meaningful? Posted: 01-18-07 11:40am
Hello isabella-
wow. Well.. You sound just like me- you
really rushed into that without thinking!!
But- at least you want to try. It
seems to me.. That if he does not want to
meet you half-way- then someone needs to
buy a boat and go back home, and continue
to waste his life away. No goals- or
ambinations???! That is hard- doing all
that work on your own...
You will get bored of this cat and mouse
game. Take away the tv...Like cut the
cable off- you're not home to enjoy it-
and if he cares about you and this
relationship- then he'll help or change
something in a positive direction.
Good luck- I am here if you need an ear.
-=red=-
isabella_7w7
wrote:
i am 28 years old and I have
been married for not even two years to a
south korean man, whom I met in korea when
I was teaching there. I brought him over
to the states 7 months ago, and we are
having massive marital problems. First
there is a language barrier. I barely
speak korean and he barely speaks english.
We can communicate somewhat and have our
own little language devised but there is
still much left to be desired. I am the
sole provider and he is extremely
dependent on me. He didn't even work in
korea, I did. I'm a grad student with
high ambitions and he really doesn't want
to do anything.
Our marriage is lifeless. He never wants
to do anything but watch animation all
day. I admit i'm not great either, as I
am wrapped up in grad school and find
myself involved in my own world and
colleagues. We are just so apart
intellectually. I know he's having
adjustment issues (i know I did in korea)
but he never tries to adjust to this
country. He won't really try to learn
english. I enrolled him in english
classes but we've dropped them. Not once
has he even gone into a store by himself
and get something. I pretty much do
everything and i've grown so resentful of
my role as caretaker. I feel more like a
mom than a wife. I know in our marriage,
i'm basically always going to be
supporting him.
I feel ashamed of having such an
emasculated husband. He really is a
sweetheart and does try to clean the
house, but he doesn't want to do anything
else in his life. Some nights he'll
drink himself into oblivion to the point
of crying binges, which i'm getting fed up
of dealing with (and he was like this in
korea too). I can't ever leave
him...He's so dependent on me. I guess
I feel like I don't have a man.
P.S we can't even go to couples counseling
because he doesn't understand
english.
