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What Should I Do Make My Marriage Meaningful?

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January 17th, 2007
I am 28 years old and I have been married for not even two years to a south korean man, whom I met in korea when I was teaching there. I brought him over to the states 7 months ago, and we are having massive marital problems. First there is a language barrier. I barely speak korean and he barely speaks english. We can communicate somewhat and have our own little language devised but there is still much left to be desired. I am the sole provider and he is extremely dependent on me. He didn't even work in korea, I did. I'm a grad student with high ambitions and he really doesn't want to do anything.
Our marriage is lifeless. He never wants to do anything but watch animation all day. I admit i'm not great either, as I am wrapped up in grad school and find myself involved in my own world and colleagues. We are just so apart intellectually. I know he's having adjustment issues (i know I did in korea) but he never tries to adjust to this country. He won't really try to learn english. I enrolled him in english classes but we've dropped them. Not once has he even gone into a store by himself and get something. I pretty much do everything and i've grown so resentful of my role as caretaker. I feel more like a mom than a wife. I know in our marriage, i'm basically always going to be supporting him.
I feel ashamed of having such an emasculated husband. He really is a sweetheart and does try to clean the house, but he doesn't want to do anything else in his life. Some nights he'll drink himself into oblivion to the point of crying binges, which i'm getting fed up of dealing with (and he was like this in korea too). I can't ever leave him...He's so dependent on me. I guess I feel like I don't have a man.

P.S we can't even go to couples counseling because he doesn't understand english.
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darren95al
replied January 17th, 2007
What Should I Do Make My Marriage Meaningful?
It really doesn't sound like your at all happy. And the best thing you can do for yourself and your husband is go for counseling. I know you feel bad or sorry for him but that's only allowing him to become more dependant on you. It doesn't sound like you love him as much as you feel sorry for him. You must make an honest attempt to save your marriage. You can read a book called “ten days to a good marriage” by Dr. Max vogt nevada city, california. See detail edit you may get some marriage saving solution there. Hope everything works out. Wish you all the best and true happiness. Let me know how things work out!!!!!!!!!!!!
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RedDelight
replied January 18th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: What Should I Do Make My Marriage Meaningful?
Hello isabella-

wow. Well.. You sound just like me- you really rushed into that without thinking!! But- at least you want to try. It seems to me.. That if he does not want to meet you half-way- then someone needs to buy a boat and go back home, and continue to waste his life away. No goals- or ambinations???! That is hard- doing all that work on your own...

You will get bored of this cat and mouse game. Take away the tv...Like cut the cable off- you're not home to enjoy it- and if he cares about you and this relationship- then he'll help or change something in a positive direction.

Good luck- I am here if you need an ear.

-=red=-



isabella_7w7 wrote:
i am 28 years old and I have been married for not even two years to a south korean man, whom I met in korea when I was teaching there. I brought him over to the states 7 months ago, and we are having massive marital problems. First there is a language barrier. I barely speak korean and he barely speaks english. We can communicate somewhat and have our own little language devised but there is still much left to be desired. I am the sole provider and he is extremely dependent on me. He didn't even work in korea, I did. I'm a grad student with high ambitions and he really doesn't want to do anything.
Our marriage is lifeless. He never wants to do anything but watch animation all day. I admit i'm not great either, as I am wrapped up in grad school and find myself involved in my own world and colleagues. We are just so apart intellectually. I know he's having adjustment issues (i know I did in korea) but he never tries to adjust to this country. He won't really try to learn english. I enrolled him in english classes but we've dropped them. Not once has he even gone into a store by himself and get something. I pretty much do everything and i've grown so resentful of my role as caretaker. I feel more like a mom than a wife. I know in our marriage, i'm basically always going to be supporting him.
I feel ashamed of having such an emasculated husband. He really is a sweetheart and does try to clean the house, but he doesn't want to do anything else in his life. Some nights he'll drink himself into oblivion to the point of crying binges, which i'm getting fed up of dealing with (and he was like this in korea too). I can't ever leave him...He's so dependent on me. I guess I feel like I don't have a man.

P.S we can't even go to couples counseling because he doesn't understand english.
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lordguna
replied March 15th, 2009
Try this
You might a transaltor dictionary that converts korean to english. It might help you and him to understand a bit better. Another alternative is to find a korean who can speak english and help him to speak english.
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worrywart01
replied March 15th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
i'm just going to ask the most obvious question at hand...why would you marry a person you can barely communicate with? communication is ESSENTIAL to ANY relationship!...id suggest he attempt to learn more english(since he needs it now that he's in the states anyway) and you should probably attempt to learn some korean and fix this language barrier asap..otherwise i dont see how this could possibly work out
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deteragram
replied March 15th, 2009
Supporter
Is there any Korean community there at all? Or is there one within a thirty minute drive or so? If there is- and if he drives- you should hook him up with them in some type of organization or event. This could do three things:
(1) It will place him with like people where he can communicate easily and feel less homesick.
If this doesn't help change his attitude, I don't know what will!
Good luck!
(2) It will get him off the couch and out of the house for a while.
(3) It should help him to find a job. From what I have seen and heard from asian communities, they have much more traditional marriage roles than we do in the United States. I think he would be too ashamed to let them know he was living off of his wife. (Having trouble finding work is not the same thing.) So they would probably be willing to help him find a job as well.
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livefast
replied September 9th, 2009
I understand
I'm Korean-American male and sympathize with you. First off, Seoul, Korea is a magical place - anyone who's lived there knows what I'm saying (just hang out at the Grand Hyatt's lobby!).

As for your marriage, my gut feeling is nothing will work outside of Jesus Christ. I know because I was a total heathen before I met Christ. He changed my life and can change yours.

That's it in a nutshell.

God bless you. You are in my prayers.
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