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Q: Still Haven't Moved On
asked by: RHCP on January 11th, 2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
My girlfriend of nearly two years broke up with me almost 3 months ago. Our relationship had been perfect in our eyes up until college started for the both of us. We each took our separate paths and I suppose she just fell outta love with me and in love with college. She told me she no longer wanted to have a boyfriend and just wanted to live for herself and friends for now. Of course, this shattered me. She was so obsessed with me all the way up until she gained all these new friends whereas I was still in love with her as much as ever before. She even went on to find a new boyfriend and is now "in love" again. This just rips my heart apart and i'm so confused. I thought she dumped me because she didn't want the commitment, and suddenly she's with someone else! This would be much easier if I didn't live so close to her college and have to drive near it every day to get to work. We live in a small town so it just kills me to know she's doing everything she used to do with me with her new boyfriend not even a mile from my house. How do I cope with this and just finally stop loving her? I'm also afraid of how difficult it will be for me to find someone else. I have zero confidence after all of this. She claims she's so much more in love now than she ever was with me. It's like she tells me these things just to make it even more difficult.
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michelle1981 replied on January 18th, 2007
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I'm so sorry! Breaking up is hard to do. Right now, you are in so much pain it won't really matter what anyone else says. But just know that it will get easier.

You go through things in life to help you grow and learn, and it will make you a stronger person.

Good luck hun!
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RedDelight replied on January 19th, 2007
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Re: Still Haven't Moved On
rhcp wrote:
my girlfriend of nearly two years broke up with me almost 3 months ago. Our relationship had been perfect in our eyes up until college started for the both of us. We each took our separate paths and I suppose she just fell outta love with me and in love with college. She told me she no longer wanted to have a boyfriend and just wanted to live for herself and friends for now. Of course, this shattered me. She was so obsessed with me all the way up until she gained all these new friends whereas I was still in love with her as much as ever before. She even went on to find a new boyfriend and is now "in love" again. This just rips my heart apart and i'm so confused. I thought she dumped me because she didn't want the commitment, and suddenly she's with someone else! This would be much easier if I didn't live so close to her college and have to drive near it every day to get to work. We live in a small town so it just kills me to know she's doing everything she used to do with me with her new boyfriend not even a mile from my house. How do I cope with this and just finally stop loving her? I'm also afraid of how difficult it will be for me to find someone else. I have zero confidence after all of this. She claims she's so much more in love now than she ever was with me. It's like she tells me these things just to make it even more difficult.


------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------

are you still talking to her and she told you she loves you *after* she broke up with you, and started dating someone else?? Bs..!

I know it's hard right now. It will get better- this pain will go away, unfortunately time is the best thing. You can make that go faster, by picking up a hobby, starting a new class- like kick boxing, or fishing.

It will help- and before you know it- things will be better. There are so many people you haven't met yet.. Smile

-=red=-
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Color of Paper replied on January 26th, 2007
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Hey there rhcp. Hope your doing better. I know its been awhile since your original post but I just wanted to give my thoughts. The best thing you can possible to do get over this girl and the relatinship as a whole (which is what you need to do considering shes already moved on) is isolate yourself from her, her belongings and everything. All physical things will bring up old memories...So nothing physical of hers with you. Pac all the stuff you had together in a box and lock it away somewhere. Do not talk to her. Let her live her life with her new boyfriend and you can start yours..I know its hard man.

Another thing is this happens more than you think. Going away to college changes everyone period. I had to break off a relationship that was going strong for 2.5 years becuase of college. She was younger than me and deeply in love with me...But I knew I didnt want to put either of us though that whole mess. When someoen goes away to college they meet new people, are in a new invorment and learn about "new" things. Its best to make that journy out of a relationship becuase it will only bring drama. Best of luck
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s_kalb replied on February 4th, 2007
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Just wanted to add that i'm having the same problem at the moment, and that I also lost all confidence since then. The gf told me that nothing is my fault, I was great etc. But then I feel like if i'm punished for no reason.

I'm ignoring her. She's always telling me "but you are still my favorite don't worry" but I had to say no. I can't pretend that i'm not hurt. She says she doesn't understand why we can't be friends but I told her that it's easy for her to say that since she doesn't love me no more, while I do.

I don't know if she really meant that I was still her favorite, but I don't want her to keep me as an emercengy exit in case her actual bf would let her down.

Moreover, she chose to break up a relationship because of her feelings, well then it is my right to choose to ignore her to spare mine.
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Color of Paper replied on February 4th, 2007
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
You guys gota realize that our significat other isint everything, you are first. What makes you healthy and happy is what you need...If its that person and you make that other person happy and healthy thats what a relationship should be.

Of course you have to compromise...But not 2 the point where it really hurts one another.
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Shadowless replied on February 4th, 2007
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I know the feeling, today about 4 hours ago I got the word that I was being dumped. The basic reason was she still had feelings for her ex and was no longer in love with me. I'm still in shock.
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DPantelones replied on February 5th, 2007
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
One quick note i'd like to add here, it's not your fault, people do crap like this, men and women, and it's rarely ever about the partner who's hurt in the relationship...It's about the one who's ending it, their issues...Actually they're probably doing you a huge favor, getting themselves out of your life before you married/had kids, and then found out you were with a loser!

All my best...Just remember, time heals all wounds.
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