I'm not a doctor, but from what i've read about hsv ii it does indeed sound like a first-time breakout. Usually, reoccurring symptoms are not as heavy as you've described. Perhaps some itching and small sores, but everyone is different. I believe it has to do with the immune system, but some people rarely breakout with little problems, while others breakout several times a year. Again that'd be my guess, i'm not a doctor and haven't read that, and would wonder if it has to do with their immune system at the time of acquiring the virus (giving them good antibodies to fight it forever) or their immune system at the time of reoccurring breakouts (meaning sickness, stress, etc. Could have an effect).
1. Could be.
2. I'd say no. Hsv ii just like any other disease can be misdiagnosed. If it can be misdiagnosed, that means there are other diseases that similar signs and symptoms. See a doctor, get a diagnosis, and ask about possible misdiagnosis (what else could it be?). Did the women you spoke with have a name for the condition where it appears after menstruation?
3.1. It is possible to have hsv ii without any signs. Whether it can be dormant and come about 9 years later, I do not know. However, suppressed immune systems can make symptoms worse. So I suppose (but do not know, ask a doctor) that a strong immune system could keep her symptom free and then a weakened immune system allow it to present signs. However, as I understand it, diabetics have weakened immune systems and i'm not sure how much that rules out her ability to suppress symptoms all these years.
3.2. As I understand it, hsv I and hsv ii are different viruses. Both are possible to have in the mouth area and both are possible to have in the genital area. Though ii is more common genitally, and I is more common on the mouth. So i'd say it's impossible for hsv ii to form from hsv i, but I would not know if hsv I could move to the genitals (and with the severity described) from the reasons you presented (itching, etc.).
3.3 everyone has hsv i, wouldn't know the percentages, but practically everyone. Though, it may be considered generally from kissing, i'd think it could also be given by touch. Such as someone with a cold sore touching it, shaking your hand and you touching your face. Don't know though. It's likely that you got hsv I from a kiss from your mother or family member. Like I said, everyone has it.
I'd say go to a doctor and find out. Talk about misdiagnosis, the menstruation thing the women mentioned, possibilities of it remaining dormant, etc. There are underlying medical problems that could causes herpes as well.
