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Q: What Do I Say..
asked by: Jenni on February 4th, 2004
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Well ive been dating my bf for over a year...I tell him all the time that I want a baby...I really do and I think im ready for it..Im young..But idk...Well today he said something to me that made me kinda upset...He has always said he doesnt want children right now and I understand that...But today he said he wanted to have a baby and I said 'yes I know when were older' he said no I mean now and I said what...He said he wanted to have a baby right now because then I would have to stay with him forever...I want a baby because I think im ready to have one and I love him and I love children...But if thats the only reason he wants one..What should I do?? Thanks to anyone who has any advice..

Jenni
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Alexandra_O replied on February 4th, 2004
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
My goodness! I would say absolutely not! His reasoning behind having a child appears to be more of a means of control tying you to him rather then a loving way of putting it! I would be horrified if my boyfriend said that to me. How old are you btw?
~alex
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hearenbaby8504 replied on February 4th, 2004
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
No Way
Jenni,
I agree with alex. If he was my bf that would freak me out!! He thinks if you two have a baby he can control you. That should not be how it is. If you have a baby, some guys leave, some guys stay, and some do what they have to do to be a good father. To want to have a baby only so he can keep you, that has got to be out of the question. Jenni, how old are you, and how old is he?


Love,
heather
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SweetCheeki17 replied on February 4th, 2004
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Hey
Hey,
well talk to him and ask him why hes feeling this way. I agree with alex. If hes looking for a way to tye you down and have a complete control over you and the baby... I think its wrong but have a suitable communication.. Have a long talk with him and see whats up/
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allusivepond replied on February 4th, 2004
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
My opinion is the same as everybodys else this does not seem like a logical explanation to bring such a gift into this world, if he thinks having his child somehow connects u to him forever, then wot gurantee do u have that he will be tied to u forever. And wot is this forever business anyway no belongs to anybody else whether there is kids involved or not. We are all individuals not pieces of property. I think u are asking for trouble.

I pose the same question as the other ladies, how old are you and ur bf

from someone who cannot wait to have a jelly bean all of their own
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Jenni replied on February 4th, 2004
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
I Did Talk to Him..
Thank you all so much for the advice..I did talk to him..I told him that it really worried me and made me upset because if that is the only reason to have a baby then I def say no...He said that wasnt what he meant...He started saying how he wanted to start a life with me and have a family and everything..I love him to death but that isnt how I want to bring a baby into the world..Thanks again
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KariM18 replied on February 4th, 2004
Extremely EHEALTHy
First off, how old r u??? If ur young.. I would say no. .Y try now? U have so much time ahead of u. . U have no idea how hard it is to have a child at a young age till u have one, no matter what u think.. And your boyfriends reasonings behind it sound terrible, a baby isnt something to keep u together for god sakes. .If u guys think u will be together a long time then y not just wait??????
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smith8500 replied on February 4th, 2004
Especially EHEALTHy
Hey
I would ask him why he said that. If you having a child is the thing that will keep ya'll together, he is completely wrong. Having a child doesn't provide the "glue" for a family. Take it slow. Don't move to quick and whatever you do, make sure you are ready for it!
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Mesmerizeu15 replied on February 5th, 2004
Extremely EHEALTHy
Im late but I have a couple different feelings on this one, ready girls, ok,

first off, I dont think that it is smart idea for you to go ahead and have a child right now anyway..Lemme just give you a run down of a :few: things I do each day, keep in mind this is just a few.

I get up at 6am I give sean , my son, a bottle and change his diaper.
I leave for school at 7:20 where I am until 3.
I come home and I get to see my boyfriend who stays with sean for like 5 minutes until he has to go to work.
Sean takes a nap at 5
eats at 6
bath at 7
play at 8
play at 9
sleep if I am lucky by 11
i then have to stay up until the crack of dawn so that I can see my boyfreind

life is not easy..My boyfriend and I thought that if we had a baby that I wouldnt have to move and we could stay together. Well we were wrong. We both ended up havinbg to move, my mom went nuts, I got scared, I got fat, and my life changed.

I cant go to partys as much, when my friends come over I keep nagging telling them to calm down...Life is hard...And being a teen and planning it doesnt make it any better. I think that you should reconsider. Me and my bf have been together for 5 years, and yet still a baby is still a stress on our relationship, and you have been together for a year. I hope that I made sense..

Im here...

Stacie
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insurancegirl replied on February 5th, 2004
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allusivepond replied on February 5th, 2004
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Jennifer
Please dont take this the wrong way I just love hearing about other ppl relationship for some reason it seems to put into perspective things in ur own or help ur realise things in ur own.

When u started talking about kids with mike and he said he didnt want to be an old dad did u think about wot it would be like as a young mum cause even tho looking back on it now u would never change anything u have 3 wonderful children do u think there would be anything different u would have done.

And my other question is ur grandma didnt want u to get pregnant but she threw away ur bc pills. Doesnt that seem a little silly looking back on it now.

I hope I didnt offend I didnt mean to in anyway I was just curious thats all if I did offend u or have been rude I apologise

from someone who cant wait to have a jelly bean all of their own
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insurancegirl replied on February 5th, 2004
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Lee159 replied on February 5th, 2004
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
My boyfriend said the same thing to me....When I thought I could be preggy in like october..He was like.."good,then u'll have to stay with me forever"..I got kinda freaked out & mad..It was sorta selfish for him to say but I got over it....But with the whole pregnancy thing that'z been going on lately I told him I could be..And he said it again... Confused I mean I love him and all..But like.. Question
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