Hi I agree it is so hard for me sometimes to have lived a childhood
of being abused than marrying into it.


I have so much anger towards my parents for the dinking the beatings the going without while they had everything.
Sometimes I just want to scream at them ""look at what you have done to me do you care""""but somehow I think I already know the answer but~~
i make it a part of my life everyday to not be like them and to realize
everyday what they are missing out on!!!
And it helps to ramble on!!!It gets things out.And for me crying helps it makes me stronger and helps me not to take the abuse no matter what form it comes in.
Iam remarried now and iam happy so it can happen even if your past haunts you .


I hope you will feel better.

look into cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt). It will teach you many tools that will enable you to feel better and put these awful memories in their proper place and move on with a happier life :d

q

Wow, this one really hit a nerve.

Autumn, maybe you should just cry. So what if you cry for a long time, maybe you need that release. You have a right to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. I never suffered from any physical or sexual abuse from my parents, but I grew up without love. I can't ever remember my parents just holding me saying they loved me. I thought parents were suppose to give their child un-conditional love. I would have taken any kind of love. I spent many years wishing I was dead. I guess if I was dead, my parents would miss me and wish they had loved me. Gee, I always thought that is what kid's at the age of 8 thought. Nmy therapist thinks this might be one of the reasons I have low self esteem and can't love myself.

I understand about the writing, but go ahead and cry, cry for all the things that did/didn't happen, cry for yourself.

I just wanted to thank everyone for writing back.

Kitty, I can't imagine what it must have been like to grow up without love, I don't know if that's worse or better then what I grew up with. I'm fortunate that my parents loved me and showed it, even if they did or didn't do the things that they should have. I grew up with demostrations of love but when it really mattered they didn't stand by me, so I guess it was as though one minute they loved me than the next they didn't. You said you didn't suffer abuse but emotional abuse is just as hurtful as physical or sexual abuse.

kitty-
sorry to hear you were not loved I grew up in a less than warm home myself but at least was under the illusion I was loved whether I was or not. Have you tried cbt? It worked wonders for me :d the author of my favorite cbt book mentioned how he was not loved in his family either and cbt turned his life and self-esteem around

take care!

Q

Qt3: sorry to be dumb, what is cbt?

One of my main issues in therapy is working on my self esteem. Some nights I think of my lack of parents love and just can't believe it. I feel so sad and maybe I missed out on a childhood. Never realized how much of an impact it made on my adult life. I guess I thought that is what everyone's family is like. Thanks everyone.

cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt). Don't feel dumb as I was busy seeking help and taking meds for years before I accidentally discovered cbt. Cbt is not like other talk therapy. A good cbt therapist knows they cannot change what's already happened to you but they can help you change how you deal with what happens in your life from here on out. In short they teach you tools to keep you from upsetting yourself and it is very effective if you put in the effort to practice the tools which teach you to learn to think more clearly and accurately about things and once you do your anxiety and depression will miraculously begin to lift before your eyes. It has changed my life for the better at a time I was close to giving up. The author of my favorite introductory book on cbt (sam obitz) talks about how he was not loved by his family in his book "been there, done that? Do this! So you may want to check it out at your local library.
I didn't think I could ever be happy and dwelled on missing out on my childhood for a long time and today I am happier than I ever thought possible so there is hope for you :d
take care and give cbt a try. Feel free to ask any other questions too

q

take care.

Qt3
thank you, thank you, thank you. I am going to head over to barnes & noble to find this book. That is the focus of my sessions with my therapist. So much of it is on my shoulders and me wanting to get better. She keeps telling me that this will be the hardest work I will ever do, and it is. I really think I will be in therapy for a while, I have so many other areas that need to be addressed.

Thanks again!

kitty,
i hope you get as much out of the obitz book as I have and if you do I have another great follow-up book to recommend to you that may be even better, but is a little too overwhelming as an introduction to cbt. I re-read both of these books all the time. The obitz book was only available direct from the publisher on the internet when I bought it but that was awhile ago so it may be at barnes & noble now.


Take care and keep in touch :d

q

I am slowly seeing more and more references to that book been there, done that? Do this! I have read it. It was given to me and has been a wonderful relief to my life and psyche. The author is a guy out of california named sam obitz. He is an interesting writer. My favorite part is the tea form exercises. Whenever I am upset or confused by something in my daily life, I can do a tea form in about 2-3 minutes, and I feel instantly better about 80% of the time.

I'm definitly going to look up that book as well, it sounds as though it's a good book to learn from. The book that i've found the most helpful in my situation is the courage to heal....If you've never read it's absolutely wonderful for anyone who has been raped or molested.

I traveled there in 1999, as well as nova scotia and pei. Spent two nights in st. John's. Great memories from that area.

Well I feel really dumb, so I have to share. I just read the last post and thought... What the ...., then I realized that autumn was from new brunswick. Sorry, I had to share.
Anyway, I am sorry kitty that you grew up without love. Although, I can only remember bad things about my child hood, there was always love. And really, the main reason I only remember bad things is because I have always suffered from depression and anxiety so things always seemed awful even when they weren't. But what I wanted to say was, although you can never ever fill that void that you have, think of this. It is not you! You did nothing wrong and you deserve just as much love as everyone else, maybe even more! Some people just do not have the characteristics to be parents. Patience, structure, stabililty, responsability, maturity, love, etc. No offense to your parents but it sounds like they were not ready, or should not have had children. So many people have kids for the wrong reasons, or because it just happens and then they think "well, how hard can it be?" or "well, if joe shmoe can do it, why can't we?" well, yeah, joe shmoe is doind it, but who is to say they are doing it right? Little joe shmoe could grow up to be a serial killer we don't know.
Sorry for rambling, but my point is, just try to not blame yourself. Easier said then done, but turn that depression into anger if you have to. But do not turn the anger inward. That is one of the worst things that you can do. Try to work through this and know that you deserve love, but when you need to blame, blame them, not yourself.

Hi mister-
the tea form is definitely my favorite exercise too. I do also like the counter exercise when I am feeling down and the putting things back in perspective exercise is useful especially when used with the tea form in my experience.

Autumn-
i hope you are doing well, just thought i'd say hey

hotas-
don't feel dumb as I was lost when I first read that too.... Not sure I would have taken the time admit it her like you though; very impressive that you did though

q

Qt3 hey thanks! I am glad I am not the only one!

hey hotas-

you're welcome. I'm guessing you and I were not the only ones, just the only ones that would admit it

hope you are having a good day!

Q