Sorry for such a long question, but I
really need some advice!!!
Family history:
my mother has four brothers, two of which
were extremely hyperactive as children. I
do not know if they were ever diagnosed
with any disorder as they grew up in the
late 1950's.
My father's family has a long history of
depression, starting with my great great
grandmother who was institutionalized for
a few months following her fourth child
for severe depression. My father was
diagnosed as being manic depressive in his
late 20's and was medicated.
My sister is medicated for depression and
has attempted suicide more than once.
My father is strict and very traditional.
He wanted my mother to be a stay at home
mom. When she applied and was accepted to
medical school he became very angry and
stopped taking his medication. He became
delusional and claimed to be jesus christ.
I was four years old and my sister was
six when they got a divorce. My father
retained custody because of his income (he
had a masters degree and was the head of
the english department at a large local
high school as well as wrote for the local
newspaper). My mother was living off of
student loans in a small 1 bedroom
apartment in a bad neighborhood and so was
unable to take us.
My father was extremely strict but was not
physically abusive. My sister and I were
not allowed to watch television growing
up. Most of our time at home was spent
reading. As a punishment for bad behavior
he would take the lightbulbs out of my
room so I couldn't read at night. He
spent a large amount of time with us and
paid close attention to our grades. He
showed affection and was very loving but
very stern. He lost control a few times
but he never hit us. He wanted us to be
perfect.
Personal history:
i've had discipline problems since
kindergarten. I did not fight with other
students or hit anyone. I was not a
violent child and I was never hyperactive.
When I got in trouble it was always
because of being the class clown. My test
scores in all subjects, especially
reading, were very high with the exception
of mathematics. 98% for my age group.
I've always done very well on any test but
extremely poorly on any assigned homework
or project. If I wasn't daydreaming in
class I was reading a fantasy novel or
writing short stories in my notebook. I
hid my homework assignments and forged my
grades and detention slips so my dad
wouldn't get angry.
As we got older my dad felt like he was
losing control and kept getting crazier
and crazier. When I was 8 he sat me down
and told me he was an alcoholic (even
though I had never seen him drink). When
I was 11 he told me that he was going to
stop eating until I did what he wanted.
When I was 12 my mother went to court and
got custody of us. We moved with her to
another state and didn't talk to my dad
for a few years.
In the new schools I had the same problems
of being the class clown and not doing
assignments. I gave up trying to listen
to the teachers and brought a book to
every class. With the high test scores
they put me in advanced classes, all of
which I failed for not turning things
in.
After failing freshman year in high school
I stopped going. I got a job as a cook
and worked 20-40 hours weeks (in violation
of child labor laws) and got my ged.
Around this time I started drinking
extremely large amounts of coffee and
running. I was tired a lot and the
running and the coffee helped. I ran my
first half marathon at 14 and my first
full marathon at 16. Running made me feel
euphoric and I felt happy during and after
a run. If I didn't run I got depressed.
When I was 17 I was having trouble
breathing. I thought it was because of
congestion but when it didn't go away for
two months my mom prescribed asthma
medication and it helped (my sister was
diagnosed with asthma when she was
.
Right around my 18th birthday I ripped my
hamstring badly. I was not living with my
mother and had no medical insurance so I
could not see a doctor. The tear was bad
and I couldn't fully extend my leg for six
months and couldn't run for about a
year.
A month after the injury I started getting
more tired and depressed than usual. I
quit my job, broke up with my girlfriend,
and lost the home I was living in. I was
staying in a motel and had just run out of
money when I attempted suicide. I drank
three bottles of nyquil and jumped off an
expressway bridge into the ocean. The
impact knocked off my shoes and bruised my
ribs but did not knock me out. A police
boat and a helicopter pulled me out of the
water and took me to the er where they
pumped my stomach and admitted me to the
psych ward for a week for observation.
That was five years ago and I have not had
a problem with depression or suicidal
thoughts since.
Shortly after that I met my wife who I am
currently living with today. I have been
working full time at the same job for four
years and up until recently played video
games every spare minute of the day.
I am extremely disorganized and constantly
lose things. If I put my inhaler down on
the counter top I usually forget where I
put it five seconds later which is
impossibly frustrating. My wife organizes
me and helps me remember paying
bills/chores/appointments. I don't think
I could live by myself if it was not for
her. I am usually late for everything but
my coworkers and boss are understanding.
I've never had a problem with alcohol but
I still drink huge amounts of coffee every
day, and even then I feel very tired
despite getting 8 hours of sleep. I'm
extremely impatient and drive fast, which
almost caused me to lose my license after
5 speeding tickets. I have really bad
road rage which almost got me hurt a few
times.
I've been trying to work on some sort of
degree and have been taking college
classes for the past few years, which I
almost always fail. This last semester
was the third time I was taking the same
math course and I was failing again. I
heard about medication that helps people
do better in school and asked my mom if I
could try it. At first she said no but
but after doing some research said that
she would let me try the medication
(adderall) for one month after warning me
that it can be addictive.
The first time I took the medication it
was like waking up from a dream. I was
remembering where everything in my house
was without tearing everything up. When I
drove I drove slower and didn't get angry
at other drivers. I lost the urge to play
video games every day and ended up selling
my online game account for $1000 on ebay
which I had been playing for three years
straight. Homework, and especially math,
became interesting and I study at least
six hours per day, sometimes more. I talk
to my wife more often now and it makes her
happy. She used to get angry that I would
play games all day and not listen. We
communicate much more now and our
relationship has gotten better. When the
semester ended a month ago I had straight
a's and a b with near perfect final exam
scores. The only downside is the sleep
deprivation and appetite loss, which has
gotten less over time.
So this is pretty much where I stand now.
Classes start on monday and i'm already
done with the first month of coursework.
When this semester is over i'm going to
apply to the computer science department
at a state school.
So is this adhd? Or does it point to
something else?
Thank you!!!
