My Husband Is Bipolar

Trish,

well it sounds as if your husband frequents the same websites. I found my ex on adult friend finder while we were engaged. He had been on for over a month and there he was posted using our christmas photos with me cut out of them naming all sorts of sexual acts he was into. His excuse after I found him on there? That he knew I was trolling for him on the web and did it to piss me off. So he chose a nasty screen name, went to the trouble of filling out a profile and then even paid for the site but it was all just to piss me off? Yeah right. I actually found the site on accident. I was reading posts he left on a forum for a band he likes and that nasty site was flashing as an advertisement. The moment a saw it, I got a sick feeling in my stomach and knew I was about to uncover a dark secret. I was devastated when I found his face posted in between naked men. You want to hear something even dumber? I took him back after he showed up with 5 dozen roses telling me how much he loved me and that he didn’t want to lose me and that he would never do it again. Then being more ignorant moved in with him with my daughter, yet to find him once again posted on match saying he was single and looking for a relationship. I couldn’t take it anymore.

So how much of what my ex and your husband did is due to being bipolar? Or is that just part of their personality? You are one of many stories I have heard about bipolar people acting out sexually. Did I really want to marry a man that every time we had a little disagreement, I would have to worry about him doing something sexually inappropriate? You have been together for 9 years and that is a long time. Hopefully he can get on the right meds and you two can work through this. You will want to read everything you can about this illness. You should pick up the book, the bipolar guide, what you and your family need to know. I found it really helpful

Thanks. He is on meds right now. But feels like he is really having early signs of bipolar. Well he told me that he only wanted pictures when he logged into that website. Thing is, how can he create such a profile saying he is looking for one on one sex, discreet relationship and sexual something on emails and chat. And that profile he wrote!!! He said sorry but it still bugs me a lot. I somehow hate him being sick because I love the person he was before. He was human. Though, I know that it's not his fault he got sick. It's genetic. Imagine this, his dad is bipolar, his sister is, his brother has epilepsy and he has bipolar. Only one more brother to go. My sister a doctor says the well brother has a 38% chance of getting a mentall illness as well. Oh, 2 of his aunts also has mental illness. Husband was on a depressed mood at 18 years old..And I only learned it when I gave birth to our first baby! I felt a health forum not knowing but no choice. I had to move on with life right?

Thanks again for your reply.

Well look at the bright side, at least he was looking for one on one discreet sex. Not that it makes it any better, but mine checked off that he was into group sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc. I mean why go to the length of checking off bizarre sexual acts and actually purchasing a membership just to make me mad? I hadn’t found it for over a month and he was checking into the site daily. I still think there is a much deeper sinister side to him that I never fully uncovered. I don’t think I could have handled much more.

I am working on my own issues, including clinical depression, while trying to fully comprehend the bipolar illness. I also just found out my mother was diagnosed with boaderline personality disorder, so I lived with someone with mental illness my whole life. That may explain the strong attraction to my ex and why I still can’t come to terms with what happened. I am very co-dependent, and within our family of 5, I was the one that looked after my mother. I always thought it was “my job”. There is a part of me that feels I deserted my ex. It’s so bad still after this long that I have nightmares over it. I also have nightmares about my mother. It’s sad isn’t it? To have people you love so much, but yet you can’t reach them and the harder you try the more they push away. My mother is becoming worse with age and is now refusing to go into a full care facility. The retirement home she resides at is threatening to kick her out because she disrupts the other tenants. It’s been 2 years since I have spoken with her. I could no longer handle the abuse and at the time I was engaged to my bipolar ex. I couldn’t take it from both sides at one time. My mother has alienated all 5 of her kids. None of us can handle the way she verbally abuses us. We are afraid she will end up on the streets like so many do with this illness. We also found out she is taking free cab rides around town with a cab driver who the resident manager says is a real “sleaze bag” yet my mother is 79 years old.

I am sorry to hear your husband was recently diagnosed with bipolar illness. My ex was diagnosed about 7 years ago. Before that he said he was “incorrigible” to say the least and admitted to having sex and being sexually promiscuous with many women. In fact he said he did so much of it, that it’s numbed him.

Well, you know, I guess I am also a bit fortunate.

Here's what we both do. We both work on our own emotions. Because I guess we will not be able to help those that we love if we ourselves are not well. I am also fighting depression right now. I have not seen the doctor but lately I have been thinking I might be in a bit of a depression state since I am having trouble sleeping. I am taking herbal medicines to have a good night sleep.

I am also trying to help myself by understanding why they are like that. One word I guess we both should be able to learn is forgive. When we forgive them for what they did, then we forget the pain. Another if accept, the more we accept that we cannot cure their illness and that their actions are because of the illness then we understand.

But most importantly, we need to find our own happiness. We cannot go on and thrive on this gloomy memories and moments for as long as we live right? I am not leaving my husband as of yet. But I am still trying my best to cope up with the situation, to help him get stability and to have a good family. But when the time comes when patience is not enough and love is not enough to give me more patience and understanding...Then we'll know if I can still hold on or not. I do not want to lose myself as well. I am caring for my own kid also whom I want to have a nice future. And like you, I most probably wont be letting my daughter date someone with this type of illness. I do not want her to see or experience the way I felt when I saw my husband got manic. It's horrible and so much pain, I felt doomed.

By the way, my husband's bipolar illness is genetic. Of their family of 6. 4 of them has it. Sister, brother, him and father. Hopefully my daughter wont have it.

I agree, working on ourselves keeps us stronger and in your case, stronger for him. That’s important. It’s also good that you recognized the signs of depression in yourself. I became suicidal after the breakup with my ex and knew that I needed help. I was on lexapro for 4 months, and it saved my life. If you start to feel you are losing control over the depression, get help immediately. I am 41 years old and never was suicidal before and couldn’t understand people that were until this happened to me. The pain I felt was no different then had someone come to chop off my leg without pain medication. It was endless and I finally said I will do anything or take anything for someone to make this pain go away. You wouldn’t leave a leg to bleed, so it’s no different when your mind is hurting. As sad as it is for those that don’t get help and do commit suicide, I can look at them and say, wow they finally ended their pain, because I know first hand how horrible it is. The important thing however is getting help.

As forgiving. I completely agree. One of the last things I told my ex was that I forgave him and that I hoped he forgave me too and that I believed his anger towards me was really misdirected anger towards his illness. I know it must be frustrating for him. I can’t however forget the pain, because of how bad it was. I do hope your daughter doesn’t exhibit the symptoms of this illness in her lifetime. I really hope your husband finds the help he needs and you two can work things out. Thanks for sharing.