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Am I a Lesbian Or Bisexual

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Hi everyone, I am 38 and I have been with men, but dont get any satisfaction from them, almost, but I dont let it happen. I have been with 3 women and I love women. When imasturbate, I can only orgasm thinking about a woman. I get turned on by women, not so much a man. I have never had an orgasm by penetration. Help!!! I need some advice Confused Confused
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First Helper juanis10
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replied January 3rd, 2007
Experienced User
Well do you have any sort of attraction to men? That seems to be the only way you could really be bisexual. If you're only attracted to women then you'd probably be more along the lines of a lesbian.
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replied January 11th, 2007
I have an attraction to men and women. But I think about women more.
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replied November 2nd, 2012
Same how old r u?
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replied November 2nd, 2012
Same how old r u?
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replied November 2nd, 2012
Community Volunteer
5 years older than when the post was made Smile
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replied April 28th, 2009
same situation
i am the same way, i think im bisexual because what turns me on is womens privates but ive only been with men, i have a boyfriend right now. I find womens body's fascinating and wonderful though. I like men to but only in the kissing snuggling wort of way i don't find the penis attractive but ive had sex tons of times and have always faked it.I want to be with a women sexually one day but i could never come out and admit im bisexual so idk how that would happen.
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replied April 30th, 2009
you say you are 38 right. If you want to be with a women then find one. You dont have to tell people until you are ready. dont worry about others right now just find someone who is thinking the same whay you are.
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replied April 26th, 2010
How physically attracted are you to men? Do you always notice the good looking ones or do people have to point them out to you? What about women? Ever find yourself trying to find an excuse to tell you why your staring at another woman's chest? What about art? Which figure do you prefer, men or women?

Ok, now I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything, but this is a big one. Can you picture yourself having sex with a man? A woman? Really try to think about it, details and all. How does it make you feel? Which did you prefer?

Ok, think about 10-30 years down the road. Can you picture yourself living with a man or a woman? Everyday, the sort of dynamic you'd have between you. Could you deal with it?

I've heard women say they've been attracted to men but have also been attracted to one particular woman. They weren't lesbians, just bisexual enough to be in a relationship and build their lives with their female partner. Women tend to be more fluid in their sexuality than men.
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replied October 24th, 2011
Wow I am new here and you just asked all the questions I have been asking myself.I myself struggling at this point with sexuality I have always had some kind of struggle as I had to push or try to push those feelings away they always seem to resurface.Anyways thanks for posting that. Smile
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replied October 24th, 2011
Wow I am new here and you just asked all the questions I have been asking myself.I myself struggling at this point with sexuality I have always had some kind of struggle as I had to push or try to push those feelings away they always seem to resurface.Anyways thanks for posting that. Smile
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replied April 26th, 2010
well i dunno if that helps. but if u wanna talk about the topic let me know send me a msg k? no worries not trying to score a date or anything
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replied March 28th, 2011
Lesbian or bisexual!?
I have a question. I'm 14 so I don't really know alot but I really like girls I've had about 4 girlfriends and no boyfriends I mean I think guys r cute but I don't have like a sexual attraction to them what am I!? I'm so confused!!!! Please someone help me Sad
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replied March 28th, 2011
I think you just need to think it through.
You've probably spent a long time thinking it through already, but I feel like sometimes you just need to think.
I'm a big believer that your self-conscious tells you things in dreams(Like I realized I liked girls because in a dream things started getting heated up between a girl and I).
Pay attention to your dreams, if you have dreams,
and honestly- try it out with guys before labeling yourself.
And you don't even NEED to label yourself!
Labeling yourself has gotten really big in society lately.
I, honestly, don't call myself bisexual because I hate the negative connotation that goes with it, so I call myself wavy. lol.
I have a boyfriend right now, I've had more boyfriends than girlfriends, but there was a point in time where I thought I was going to marry one of my girlfriends.
-anyway.
You are also 14 and its your "figuring out" stage and stuff- plus, you could be penis shy.
I don't think I was really, REALLY sexually attracted to guys for a while.
They're like... a completely different species and they're something you're not used to(Well the male body).
Just think it out some more. Smile
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replied March 28th, 2011
Thanks for answering I was afraid no one would this really helped I'm going to take my time and think about it
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replied March 19th, 2012
Hi, Im new too. My husband is amazing at the whole sex stuff esp the oral. But I have always had a desire to give a female some oral sex. I dont want a threesome or anything but I get a real buzz imagining me with a women. I look at women more than men if im honest....Iv just never dared to confront anyone...yet!!! Any replies and comments welcomed x
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replied March 19th, 2012
Community Volunteer
Your dreams and fantasies does not make you a lesbian. If that was the case, i would have been a murderer every day after driving in rush hour traffic.

There is a HUGE difference between wanting to try oral sex on another woman, and doing it. Once you actually do it, you can start to figure out if you are a lesbian or bisexual. Until then, enjoy your life as a heterosexual woman with your husband.

Even if you do give another woman oral sex, that does not automatically make you bisexual or lesbian. Many adult women that are heterosexual report at least one same sex intimate act in their lives. And in prison and isolated populations, women will pleasure each other and still be heterosexual. Your sexuality is much much more complex than you think.

You have to actively seek out sex with other women to the exclusion of voluntary sex with other men to be lesbian, and you have to truly just have sex with any available person, regardless of gender to be bisexual.

To me you sound like a normal heterosexual woman with normal fantasies.

Best of luck!
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replied February 13th, 2013
Hi guys,

I realize this thread is fairly old, but it just seems to go on anyway, so I thought I'd try my luck.

I am 24 years old, and i have had several boyfriends, currently I am in a relationship with a guy as well (8 months now). I have always kind of liked girls as well, I remember very clearly the first time I fantasized about kissing a girl, I was about 15. I have kissed girls in the past, it happened with good friends (just kind of messing around when being out, drinking and dancing) as well as girls I met at clubs. With one girl I went one step further, but it was only something like a one night stand, but I really enjoyed it.

Anyway, I have been wondering for years what it would be like to be with a girl (in a relationship I mean), and I have sexual dreams about girls a lot (hardly ever about men).

Last week I was out with friends and I ended up kissing this girl, she is a lesbian. I told her I have a boyfriend, but it happened anyway. I feel really bad about it, and I confessed it to my boyfriend, who was first speechless and shocked and then said that's not ok and made me promise him it won't happen again.

I feel really confused, I enjoyed kissing this girl, and I keep thinking about what it would be like to go on a date with her and things like this.
I think I really do love my boyfriend though, but I am not sure if it is enough. Very often I just want him to be there and keep me company and cuddle me, but not more than that, that's not normal in a healthy relationship ...

As I said, I am really confused, I am not sure if I really might be bisexual or lesbian, or maybe I am just excited about it because it is something different. I'd like to try having a relationship with a girl, but I don't want to break my boyfriends heart, he is so good to me.

I guess I'd just really like to chat about this, trying to clear my head .... What to do, what to do ... :/
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replied February 16th, 2013
Community Volunteer
Unfortunately nobody else can sort this out for you. Fortunately it makes very little difference. You will still be the same, today, tomorrow, next year. It will however be good for you to sort out your sexuality. And only you can do that.

If you are enjoying intimacy with men, you are definitely not lesbian, you might be bi, but not lesbian. If you do not like being with men, having intercourse with men, you are lesbian, not bi or hetero.

Between these two ends, there are a world of degrees of bisexuality. From curiosity to suppression to tolerance truly ambivalence. And only you can figure out where you are on this scale. Most women are somewhere between those two end points of pure heterosexuality and pure homosexuality.

If you feel trapped in your current relationship, do something about it. Fix it or move on. And this does not have anything to do with your sexuality. It is just the way to keep growing and the decent thing to do for your partner. If you need to take a break and sort things out, do that. But also realize that having sex with another woman is not the same as kissing her. Do not be surprised if you find that out yourself. But once again, you have to figure that out for yourself.

Best of luck!
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replied February 18th, 2013
I have only had 1 orgasm with a man ever.
and, that troubles me. I think about this all the time. And I have a male partner now and he is the only one experiencing fullfillment. Plus, I find myself noticing females as being more of everything a person would want in a soul mate than what I have now.
I, needed to get that out. Thx for listening.
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replied February 19th, 2013
I'm in my early 40's , married with two kids. I'm having major doubts about my sexuality. I've really fallen for my best friend who's also married, I've fantasised about going to bed with her, it's tearing me apart cause I don't want to hurt my husband and break up our family. I don't even know if unreality how I'd feel about having sex with another woman even though I only attracted to women and not men. What do I do? Either way I could make the biggest mistake of my life!
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replied February 20th, 2013
confused
I have been with men and three women, I thought at one point I liked women more but I guess it was just because I had never been with one. I am with a woman now, but I want to have sex with men all the time, like I crave it. I am not one to cheat but the desire is extreme and sometimes I don't think I can keep from doing it but I do. I don't understand though because I have never been sexually satisfied by a man like I have a woman, although I have never had an orgasm most of the guys I've been with just don't hit the right spot so I just end up faking and wishing it was over. I don't know what to do.
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replied February 23rd, 2013
Community Volunteer
I cannot help you sort out your sexuality, only you can do that. But what you are experiencing with male partners are normal. Or at least normal until you realize how to improve that.

Women and men wrongly think of the vagina as the woman's sex organ. It is not. It is the birth canal, a safe place for a man to deposit his sperm to impregnate her, an outlet for menstrual debris. It is largely devoid of nerve endings to protect us from trauma during child birth, sex, and infections.

Your sex organ is your clitoris. It is the only part of your body with only the one function - sexual pleasure and orgasms. It is the most sensitive organ in the human body, and it serves no other purpose than pleasure. Most women are built in away where their clitoris does not get enough stimulation during intercourse. So sex does not lead to orgasms, unless by accident or sheer luck. But masturbation, same sex encounters, oral sex leads to orgasms.

So how do you fix this with a male partner? Use your or his fingers, or a small vibrator to stimulate your clitoris during intercourse. Or change the mechanics of intercourse. Tilt your pelvis to enable your clitoris to have more contact.grind and rub on him during intercourse. Once you figure this out, it will become natural and you will wonder how you never figured it out for yourself.

Your clitoris that you can see and feel is just a small part of your clitoris. The clitoral complex extends 15cm into your body. Two bulbs under your labia running around your vagina towards you anus, and two legs that are accessible from the front wall of your vagina. Most likely this is a part (or the whole) of the so called g-spot.

Longer foreplay with your male (and female) partners will allow the whole clitoral complex to become fully engorged and activated.

Do not settle for unsatisfactory sex. The solution is in your own hands. Communicate with your partners. Tell them what you are feeling, what they should do less of, and what they should do more of. Orgasms during partnered sex are a 'team sport' for women. It takes both you and your partner. So communicate with him. He does not know anything about your body and feelings unless you teach and tell him. He only knows easy orgasms from his own experience and are clueless about your pleasure unless YOU tell and show him.
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replied March 3rd, 2013
I cheated on my boyfriend with a woman
I was with a guy for a few months and was completely head over heels in love with him. The sex was the best i ever had and could make me orgasm any way (sex or foreplay). He was gorgeous and lovely. There were elements of the relationship i was worried about but i was (and still am) deeply in love with him and attracted to him. One night we were at a friends party and i got chatting with this girl, we were both really drunk and the next thing i know we were kissing and then getting passionate and naked together -i gave her oral sex. My boyfriend found out as his friend caught us. I didn't think it was cheating because it was a woman and i don't even remember doing it - he had to remind me the next day when i woke up. He tried to make it work after with me but things changed - he was devastated and dumped me. I was and still am completely confused and devastated. I miss him - I love him and i have no idea why i did what i did. He has made it clear 6 weeks ago that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore. I don't know why i did what i did. I am so confused and heartbroken. Utterly shocked and devastated. i don't even remember what lead to me doing what i did, i know i wasn't thinking straight. Also - i'm 30 and have never cheated on anyone before. I have always been straight since a young age with guys, and slept with one woman in my early 20's when i was again very very drunk. I do fantasise about women but feel straight and fancy men - i don't know how i could have blown my relationship for this. My head is completely battered.
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replied April 16th, 2013
ENLIGHTENED
To the last post, I find your story so interesting. I am soon to be 28 years old and have always been with men, except for around age 23 when I was very drunk and kissed two girls at the same time at a club. I remember being extremely turned on by it and convincing my self that it was just something new and so I was excited by it.

Today I am with a man who is the love of my life and I consider to be my soul mate whom I see myself marrying. A month or so ago, I went to a concert with a friend and my bf. Although I was drinking and hardly remember or see this to be a big deal but he said that I was grinding on some girl. I don't remember much of this. As a side note, when I was younger I was very confused of my sexuality and always wanted to experience intimacy with a female. I always felt really nervous as self conscience around girls. I always had more male friends and didn't feel uncomfortable or uneasy around them as I did with girls that were not my closest friends. Even now I struggle with nervousness and self-consciousness when I am around them. I find my self always trying not to look at them to much.

A few weeks later, my significant other brought up the incident. During our long talk my bf was asking me things like do you get turned on or feel attracted to women etc. As much as I didn't want to admit it, so much so that I bursted out in tears of frustration, I answered yes. Based on my history and behaviors, he concluded me to be bisexual.

Today (Not the first time of many) I noticed myself getting turned on by an image of a girl. So I googled images of
'hot guys" to see if i would get just as turned on, and as much as I tried I just couldn't :/ I look at guys and can recognize they are attractive but that's it. It baffles me because I still can still get off while having sex with a man but I guess now that I am typing this up and thinking about it I do have to put forth extra effort and concentration to enjoy the experience I enjoy having sex with my boyfriend as it is a way of sharing our love for one another but when I compare my attraction to women vs men getting turned on by a cute girl does not seem to require much if any effort or concentration as it does to get turned on by a cute guy :/ Even when having sex I like looking at my body in the mirror instead of looking at my mate. I am starting to think that I have pushed these emotions so far down and have been too afraid to admit that I am in-fact bisexual-well at least I think I am and am still to afraid to admit it.

The more I think about it the more curious I am. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend but I feel so bad for him knowing that I don't feel the sexual attraction that I should probably be feeling with him, even though he is absolutely gorgeous not to mention an amazing human being. Furthermore, I feel that I have to make myself interested in men while being interested in women comes natural. So similarly to you I am still a little confused as I feel that my beautiful partner has just helped me discover/admit that I am bisexual...I think...:/ while I have been with men my entire life.
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replied June 17th, 2013
On the subject about fantasising about lesbian sex, I am happily married and love my husband, but I get turned on by sexy female bodies. I masturbate and have my strongest orgasms when fantasising about other girls. I haven't had full on sex with another girl, but have cuddled and had warm quiet moments with a couple of my closest friends. I feel most comfortable, warm and content with them (sorry its hard to explain it any better).

When I confided in my closest friend about this, she said she felt the same and had a 'crazy' opinion that we need males for the natural urge to copulate and breed. But like many species of females would naturally prefer a matriarchal life with the males off pounding their chest and being boys, but close enough for security and sex when required. We laughed, but since then have thought about it and maybe its not totally that crazy. What do others think
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