Im starting to think I am a sociopath or
have a disorder called antisocial
personality disorder (apd).
However, I do realize I am going through
this but have no idea how to address it.
I dont want to go on anti-depressants
because I know they do weird things.
Instead of addressing the problem they can
do the exact opposite.
What hurts the most about the entire
ordeal is that I know I am going through
it. I have been using marijuana alot
lately. It does nothing but intoxicate
me and make me have panic attacks. Yet
I still continue to use it, I havent now
for 4 days. I am not
addicted to it or anything, the only
addiction I have is nicotine (cigarettes,
dip). I go back and forth between the
two.
I just want to live life and have a
personality. I try to be social but my
body doesnt seem like it wants me to. I
try to play xbox live and I cant even call
out orders to my team or help them because
I guess I am afraid they will judge me
based on my voice or something.
Apd is the only conclusion I am coming up
with. I have a girlfriend and I get mad
at her sometimes, really mad, and later on
I realize that I sort of have no reason to
be but some normal things she says still
make me mad when they shouldnt really I
guess.
I dont know what to do. I try to picture
my future and all I see is anti
depressants and death and that is not what
I want. If there is anyone out there,
which i'm not expecting there to be, that
can possibly help me, please do....
I guess thats all. I'm only 17...I'm
male...I've had no past disorders...My new
years plans are to get as wasted as
possible. Its the only thing I look
forward to anymore.
Edit: I dont have thoughts of suicide or
anything. Sometimes I wish I was dead
but I would never do anything like
that....At the moment anyway...I dont want
it to turn into that.
|
v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 725
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 12-31-06 11:16am
Hi.
You're so young, have you ever felt like
that? Or can yuo guess that some special
moment or happening in your life that may
have triggered this?
I'm sure you're a nice person - look at
you telling us how you're feeling, doing
the right thing - seeking for help and
sharing your thoughts. If you did this,
you probably had thought a lot before it
if you'd get some sort of judgement
afterwards, haven't you? But it's ok.
I share your opinion about antidepressants
- they can cause serious addiction and
make you harm yourself even more, so it's
better not to rely on them.
But what about your girlfriend? What does
she have to say about that?
You'll find a way!
have a nice happy new year.
|
nemoblink
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2007 Posts: 7 Location: montreal
Re: I Have No Personality Posted: 01-08-07 01:55am
d1rekt
wrote:
im starting to think I am a
sociopath or have a disorder called
antisocial personality disorder (apd).
However, I do realize I am going through
this but have no idea how to address it.
I dont want to go on anti-depressants
because I know they do weird things.
Instead of addressing the problem they can
do the exact opposite.
What hurts the most about the entire
ordeal is that I know I am going through
it. I have been using marijuana alot
lately. It does nothing but intoxicate
me and make me have panic attacks. Yet
I still continue to use it, I havent now
for 4 days. I am not
addicted to it or anything, the only
addiction I have is nicotine (cigarettes,
dip). I go back and forth between the
two.
I just want to live life and have a
personality. I try to be social but my
body doesnt seem like it wants me to.
I try to play xbox live and I cant even
call out orders to my team or help them
because I guess I am afraid they will
judge me based on my voice or something.
Apd is the only conclusion I am coming up
with. I have a girlfriend and I get
mad at her sometimes, really mad, and
later on I realize that I sort of have no
reason to be but some normal things she
says still make me mad when they shouldnt
really I guess.
I dont know what to do. I try to
picture my future and all I see is anti
depressants and death and that is not what
I want. If there is anyone out there,
which i'm not expecting there to be, that
can possibly help me, please do....
I guess thats all. I'm only 17...I'm
male...I've had no past disorders...My new
years plans are to get as wasted as
possible. Its the only thing I look
forward to anymore.
Edit: I dont have thoughts of suicide or
anything. Sometimes I wish I was dead
but I would never do anything like
that....At the moment anyway...I dont want
it to turn into
that.
hey you!
Just to tell you maybe you should stop the
weed,i suffer from anxiety and I use to
smoke it would only provoke the
attacks,,and weed especially when you have
anxiety and in your case you say you have
no personality which I think is not true
it will only make feel even more down in
the dumps.As for yelling at your
girlfriend for know reason I can
understand you I do the same thing to my
boyfriend for no apparent reason,it just
pops out of nowere and then you feel bad
cuz they didn't do anything wrong,you
might also be suffering from agorophobia
which is when you don't wanna go out or
see people,but I don't think it's your
case.Why don't you try chatting on the
web,that could maybe help you.And one
thing I can tell you is your 17 your just
starting in life and if you keep thinking
like that you won't get nowhere,i know how
you feel i'm exactly like that,i think I
have no future and won't succed in life
but people around you that love you,will
tell you other wise and that's what get's
me through the days,nowing that someday I
will get somewhere!So maybe you think this
is lame,but don't give up life is a
challenge but I think in the end it can be
beautiful,your here for a reason!!!!!
